5 months and it's definitely not any easier!

sasky · November 2014

In fact I feel like it's a lot harder the last month or so. They're not sleeping as much, they need constant attention and entertainment, keeping up with the house is even more challenging now. They're still waking up 2-3 times a night to eat, both at different times so I'm exhausted. DH is so helpful and gives me breaks often. But it honestly doesn't feel like it!

I heard 6 months is when it gets easier, but I'm not seeing any signs yet. Am I just delusional with that expectation?

ballygirl · November 2014

Hang in there. You are almost out of the toughest part! 6 Months is when it got easier for us. We did some sleep training at 6 months and it worked miracles. If you and your babies are not getting the sleep you need, everything in your life is more difficult. If you are not happy with their sleeping, I would start to research different sleep training methods and see if there is one you think is right for you. After we did it, they began sleeping through the night or at least only waking once for a bottle, but would go right back to sleep. They were happier during the day too. They began to be able to entertain themselves with toys and books and things for small periods of time. Naps became longer and more consistent so I was able to finally get their naps in synch - usually two 45-1 hr naps per day. This was huge because it meant for the first time I had a little bit of time to myself.

That being said - things like cleaning the house or cooking still definitely takes a backseat during the day. My house is generally a wreck by the time DH comes home and we have dinner. Dinners are much simpler than we used to have and often are just frozen things stuck in the oven. We do cleanup together after they go to bed at night and beteween the two of us, we can get everything back in order fairly quickly. But things like vacuuming and cleaning the bathroom, or dusting - these things don't happen as often as they used to, but its ok. Its temporary. It wont always be like this and during your first year with twins, you have to just let some things slide - like housework.

Can you hire someone to come help you for a few hours each day? I had a helper until my girls were 7 months. She would just come and sit with the girls for 2-3 hours and give me time to shower or do some cleaning or things that I just can't do when I am by myself with them all day. Even just a high school or local college student can be a big help and usually don't cost much. It can really take the edge off to have someone there, especially on the bad, fussy days.

Wishing35 · November 2014

Totally agree with pp, I'm a bit of a clean freak and my doctor told me " your raising kids not a house". I try to remember this when I see the dust bunnies roll by. Have you tried one up both up? At least at night it makes it so much easier. Also around 6 months I started mine on a flexible eating schedule we aimed for 7,11,3& 7. This helped with getting some semblance of a nap schedule going as well. Don't know if you have tried swing naps but these were a life saver from 4-7 months! I would put them in the swing after 2 hour of wake time , put on white noise and they would be out ! Mine are 14 months now and it's easier and harder in differnt ways now. Hang in there and good luck!

CNYBride05 · November 2014

It gets easier, promise! And then it gets harder again around 14-15 mos... Definitely do one up, both up for feeds or you'll never sleep!

LittleLady77 · November 2014

It gets easier. We sleep trained at 5.5 months and that made a world of difference for us.

somewhereincali · November 2014

I heard that too and I was so disappointed when 6 months rolled around and it wasn't any easier. I think it depends on the babies, it didnt get easier for us until more like a year, they just were not good sleepers, and were not happy to sit and entertain themselves. Then it got easier again the following year.

I'm not telling you to be a debbie downer but because it was so hard for me to hear all these stories from well meaning people about how it got easier at 6 months when it didnt for us. having a few people tell me it took more like a year for them was a big help

Millimeter · November 2014

@CNYBride05‌ I think 15 months is worse than they newborn stage! Of course I'm in the middle of it, but it sucks!

I agree that one up both up saved us. Taking shifts overnight helped too. Some things get easier and other things get harder as they get older. Good luck!

rachelkongsore@hotmail.com · November 2014

We were one of those families too where it didn't get easier really until closer to a year! Both ours are very spirited babies and terrible sleepers

FaeryStarGazer · November 2014

It's not magic-- the babies don't just overnight become different people who sleep 8 hours straight. If you want them to be on schedule together then YOU have to put them on the same schedule. Like the above posted said, "one up both up" is what we did from the get-go. "A" woke up, so I'd change and feed her, then put her down and wake B up and do the same. The house is going to go to shit, but you're keeping two tiny humans alive. The house will survive.

At 4m, all babies go through that 4m wake-ful period and it feels like you're all going backwards but if you just keep at your schedule, you'll all get through. Power through!

frustratedfemale · November 2014

As someone who is pregnant with twins, this post makes me want to run away from this twin thing screaming! Eek, what on earth am I in store for?

Millimeter · November 2014

Don't worry, @frustratedfemale‌ it is all worth it. You make it through one day at a time.

Sometimes you just want to sit in the bathroom and cry, but the tiny baby snuggles make it worth it. Mine are 15 months now and they can be so ornery, but when they run up and give me a kiss or take me by the hand and show me around the living room, it just melts my heart and I forget all the battles throughout the day.

Each age and stage has its struggles. The first few months are just getting to know your babies and figure out what you are doing.

I had two toddlers running around and squealing at the vet's office while I picked up my overexcited puppy. You could see the looks of horror on the staff and other patients, but I wouldn't trade it for the world!

MrsP419 · November 2014

I definitely would say that it is getting more challenging for me. My take on it is a bit different. I have two older kiddos (2 and 4, so not old enough to be in school all day every day), and I stay home with all four. I was an oddball (maybe this will give some of you pregnant twin mamas hope, or make you hate me), but I did not find the newborn phase as bad as I expected (and I really tried to be ready for it to be miserable). I found it kind of like caring for one "super baby." They basically did the same things at the same time, albeit more intensely, and they were pretty portable. I also think having the older two mellowed me out a lot :-).

Now, it definitely feels like having two entirely separate babies with different needs and dispositions. I am trying to keep them on a schedule, but it is harder with two different babies who are more alert and active and needy. One baby tends to be more mellow and fall asleep better. The other is needier and wants to be rocked, nursed, or sometimes left alone to fuss. One naps really well, and the other cat naps. They have nights where one will totally STTN, and one will still wake up once or twice (or more). I definitely have nap times now where I am trying to get them both down at the same time in separate cribs, and I am just bouncing back and forth soothing each one for a few minutes at a time, and as soon as one is soothed, the other fusses, and then back again. I have been saying that it feels like playing a high-stakes ping pong game with myself. Add in the other two kids, and I am more frazzled and frustrated now than I was three months ago.

Question- we did one up both up in the beginning very successfully, but now both of my girls have shown that they CAN STTN (like 9-12 hr stretch). However, they go back and forth between STTN and waking up once or twice. Do you still do OUBU when you know it is quite possible the other will sleep through?

somewhereincali · November 2014

the good news is that having difficult babies for the first year makes the rest seem easier!

So many people I know talk about how difficult their 2/3 year olds are, and while we deal with our share of tantrums etc it all feels like a cake walk compared to the first year

Odebdo · November 2014

My babies sleep fairly well...but if one wakes in the night.0, the other gets woke too for a bottle... I always debate if I should leave one sleeping, but I don't want to be woke right after going back to bed... So cry means both DH and I get up, feed a baby, put them back to bed and go back ourselves... 40 mins up maybe.

sasky · November 2014

MrsP419 said:
I definitely would say that it is getting more challenging for me. My take on it is a bit different. I have two older kiddos (2 and 4, so not old enough to be in school all day every day), and I stay home with all four. I was an oddball (maybe this will give some of you pregnant twin mamas hope, or make you hate me), but I did not find the newborn phase as bad as I expected (and I really tried to be ready for it to be miserable). I found it kind of like caring for one "super baby." They basically did the same things at the same time, albeit more intensely, and they were pretty portable. I also think having the older two mellowed me out a lot :-).

Now, it definitely feels like having two entirely separate babies with different needs and dispositions. I am trying to keep them on a schedule, but it is harder with two different babies who are more alert and active and needy. One baby tends to be more mellow and fall asleep better. The other is needier and wants to be rocked, nursed, or sometimes left alone to fuss. One naps really well, and the other cat naps. They have nights where one will totally STTN, and one will still wake up once or twice (or more). I definitely have nap times now where I am trying to get them both down at the same time in separate cribs, and I am just bouncing back and forth soothing each one for a few minutes at a time, and as soon as one is soothed, the other fusses, and then back again. I have been saying that it feels like playing a high-stakes ping pong game with myself. Add in the other two kids, and I am more frazzled and frustrated now than I was three months ago.

Question- we did one up both up in the beginning very successfully, but now both of my girls have shown that they CAN STTN (like 9-12 hr stretch). However, they go back and forth between STTN and waking up once or twice. Do you still do OUBU when you know it is quite possible the other will sleep through?

My experience has been very similar. Except I only have one older 4- year-old.

I have tried OUBU both when they were very little and somewhat recently. It never felt right since one has always been able to sleep for longer stretches. She would either not wake up fully or I felt awful waking her after 3 hours when she could easily sleep for 6. Maybe that's something I have to get over.

I've also started sleep training this past week (comfort after 3 minutes, then 5, then 7 if it gets to that point) to try to get them on a schedule and have it be easier when they wake in the night. One has been doing great with it and showed improvement after just a day or two. The other is clearly not ready so I'm not going to push it right now. These are the kinds of differences that make it difficult to figure out how to handle.

Thanks everyone for listening and the comforting words! I think I am pushing through fairly well and DH and me are a great team...just some days are more frustrating than others and it seems like I'm having more of those days than I have in the past. Add to it trying to keep up with my pumping schedule and it's just overwhelming.

CaliCarly77 · November 2014

We did not do one up both up because baby B was sleeping through the night and why mess with magic?? At 10 weeks we started nudging them towards a day time eating schedule, and at 12 weeks did sleep training. MH and I took turns at night to sleep train - it wasn't easy but while we were awake and alert we would agree to a plan and then follow through with it at night when just popping a bottle in would be so much easier than rubbing a baby's back for an hour was. After two very dedicated weeks, we had two 12 hour a night sleepers, and they have done that ever since. They were SO MUCH happier after we did sleep training, I seriously had the happiest babies on the block, and happy for mom and dad because we both work.

I think the schedule and sleeping changed our lives from hard to manageable to good. We weren't jerks, we didn't let anyone cry it out, we comforted and cared for them but we were very consistent.

About your house being messy - eff it. I only deep clean when people come over and thankfully that isn't often. Otherwise its frozen meals or soup for dinner, with easy clean up! We run the dishwasher every night for bottles so thankfully dishes dont pile up. I fold laundry while I play with the girls and make it a game with them "BLUE shirt BLACK shirt" and sing and dance. I hire a babysitter once in a while to come watch the girls while we tackle big projects (like when we moved - do NOT move with 6 month old twins).

I hope this is helpful and not misunderstood.

CaliCarly77 · November 2014

sasky said:

I definitely would say that it is getting more challenging for me. My take on it is a bit different. I have two older kiddos (2 and 4, so not old enough to be in school all day every day), and I stay home with all four. I was an oddball (maybe this will give some of you pregnant twin mamas hope, or make you hate me), but I did not find the newborn phase as bad as I expected (and I really tried to be ready for it to be miserable). I found it kind of like caring for one "super baby." They basically did the same things at the same time, albeit more intensely, and they were pretty portable. I also think having the older two mellowed me out a lot :-).

Now, it definitely feels like having two entirely separate babies with different needs and dispositions. I am trying to keep them on a schedule, but it is harder with two different babies who are more alert and active and needy. One baby tends to be more mellow and fall asleep better. The other is needier and wants to be rocked, nursed, or sometimes left alone to fuss. One naps really well, and the other cat naps. They have nights where one will totally STTN, and one will still wake up once or twice (or more). I definitely have nap times now where I am trying to get them both down at the same time in separate cribs, and I am just bouncing back and forth soothing each one for a few minutes at a time, and as soon as one is soothed, the other fusses, and then back again. I have been saying that it feels like playing a high-stakes ping pong game with myself. Add in the other two kids, and I am more frazzled and frustrated now than I was three months ago.

Question- we did one up both up in the beginning very successfully, but now both of my girls have shown that they CAN STTN (like 9-12 hr stretch). However, they go back and forth between STTN and waking up once or twice. Do you still do OUBU when you know it is quite possible the other will sleep through?
My experience has been very similar. Except I only have one older 4- year-old. I have tried OUBU both when they were very little and somewhat recently. It never felt right since one has always been able to sleep for longer stretches. She would either not wake up fully or I felt awful waking her after 3 hours when she could easily sleep for 6. Maybe that's something I have to get over. I've also started sleep training this past week (comfort after 3 minutes, then 5, then 7 if it gets to that point) to try to get them on a schedule and have it be easier when they wake in the night. One has been doing great with it and showed improvement after just a day or two. The other is clearly not ready so I'm not going to push it right now. These are the kinds of differences that make it difficult to figure out how to handle. Thanks everyone for listening and the comforting words! I think I am pushing through fairly well and DH and me are a great team...just some days are more frustrating than others and it seems like I'm having more of those days than I have in the past. Add to it trying to keep up with my pumping schedule and it's just overwhelming.

Yeah - if I woke up my baby B for oubo she would have a mental break down and crying fit! So there was really no point to it - she wouldn't even nurse anyway since she was so upset! Once we did the day schedule, we started putting them down to bed at the same time, and I spent 2 weeks marking their wake ups to see if there was a pattern. Josie would generally go from 8 - 3 a.m. then to 6 a.m. where Alex would go from 8 to 11, then to 2 a.m., then 6 a.m. So I started doing OUBO for the 2 am only, not 11 pm. At 11 I would just quietly tend to Alex and let Josie sleep.

Josie did GREAT with that sort of training with the comforting and minutes. It took Alex a little bit longer (girlfriend was hungry - she's 4 lbs heavier than her sister) but we stuck to it and she came around about 2 weeks later. So where Josie took to dropping the 3 a.m. in 3 nights, it took Alex a week. Then the same with the 6 a.m. - Josie was like "oh too early?" in like 3 nights, but took Alex a good 10 days to figure it out lol. YOU WILL GET THERE!!!

just stay totally consistent.

MH around that time traveled for work and came back super refreshed, and I think that helped because he was able and willing to tackle a few nights of training after I was effing exhausted and worn out by it all - just a thought that taking turns may be helpful!

AJC&Maggie · November 2014

I could have written this post! My boys are 5m and very challenging! They scream most of the day, hate the car, hate the stroller and they both wake 2-3 times per night. I understand totally how you are feeling!

macchiatto · November 2014

We did either "one up both up" or if we fed one, we would wake and feed the other right after so we didn't have as many night wakings. That helped. Mine started STTN right around the age yours were so it started feeling more manageable, but it was still challenging/survival mode to some extent for sure until they were around 1.

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