Biological Father? on birth certificate worksheet

LuzTatu · October 2014

Hi there,

I don't usually post, but this got under my skin.

Long introduction, short: we tried for a year to get pregnant (wasted time seeing regular doctors and not fertility doctors), before we found out that he is sterile. So, we bought 5 vials of sperm, did 3 rounds of unmedicated IUI, and two medicated. The 5th round took and we're due in January. If it hadn't we were going to move onto donated embryos (I was a donor before, didn't want to go through the cost and pain of IVF, and we were using half donor anyway...).

Anyway, I was going over the birth certificate worksheet and on the father's side they ask if he's the biological father. And if not, who is? They don't ask this on the mother's side. I was an ovum donor in my 20's, and with our recent purchase of donated sperm, I can tell you that all legal parental rights of the donor have been waived. I'm confused by this question. Do they really want to know if the baby is biologically his, or if he is legally responsible for the child? The question is right below them asking if he is from Mexico or South America, so does it have to do with immigration or child support? It just annoys me. What if we had gone with the donated embryo and neither one of us would have been biological parents? I'm somewhat offended at this question. Really, the language needs to be updated to be in line with the technology. Do any of you have experience with this?

Mrs.McIrish · October 2014

Are you in MA? The reason I ask is bc I was surprised that the birth cert worksheet in MA asks if you used ART, DE, DS or a carrier. It is asked under a public health law but it didn't ask you to identify anyone. It says it is a confidential form and just for data collection. I'm listed as the mother and DH is listed as the father. I asked other friends around the country who used donors and no other state seems to have asked this but MA (of course my unofficial survey was not all 50 states).

LuzTatu · October 2014

Wow, MA! I would almost welcome that over what they asked us! At least it recognizes that the use of "birth others" is more common.

I'm in California. Along with the "are you from Mexico/South America?" question, my feeling is that the question is more concerned with immigration issues. The form says it's for data collection purposes, but my fear is that it will show up on the actual birth certificate.

We have friends who used donor embryo and they said they left the question blank. Which is probably what we'll do.

[Deleted User] · October 2014

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chicagobride_07 · October 2014

In illinois, they did not ask this. They just asked for mother and father.

Mama-Bear · October 2014

Wow, why should it matter to the gov't how you conceived your child, it's none of their business.

IRR · October 2014

I would put unknown. We are going to be using a surrogate with egg donation, so our surrogates name goes on the BC with my DH until I adopt, yet she will have no biological connection to the child either. Its just screwy stuff going on with how people form their families today and the forms haven't caught up yet. The Mexico/SA questions just has to do with whether the baby will be classified Hispanic. I am as Caucasian as can be, but since my father was born in South America (his parents in Europe), I am technically classified as Hispanic so I can check the box. I can see California wanting to keep track of "Hispanic" births since it is a statistic that gets reported. Don't let the little stuff annoy you and focus on all the good that has gotten you to this place.

LuzTatu · October 2014

Thanks, IRR. How interesting that the surrogate goes on the bc until you adopt! I was wondering how that worked. It will be nice when the forms and paperwork catch up with the technology. Until then, you're right: we are all so blessed that the technology is around to help us on our journey. Best of luck to you!

IRR · October 2014

LuzTatu - Our surrogates name goes on the BC because she lives in a compassionate only surrogate state, which means we can't have a contract with her, only a memorandum of understanding. We are not allowed to pay for any of her expenses and so as far as the hospital and state is concerned she is giving birth, so she must be the birthmother. Yup crazy stuff.

IRR · November 2014

Really TRexsMum? I have been through 3 failed adoptions where I had zero control, and cared for two different babies only to have the BM's change their minds at the last second. This thankfully is a walk in the park so far with a family friend offering to be our surrogate. If her name is on the BC until i officially adopt so be it, but my DH will be the bio father and the child's name will be our last name so this is the best case scenario as far as I am concerned. Mentally, no issues this time just keeping fingers crossed that the transfer tomorrow goes off with out a hitch and we end up with one or two healthy babies at the end of this very long journey to starting our family. Mentally I am having an issue with putting another person through this horrible IVF with shots etc and all she gets at the end is a big thank you and a debt we will never be able to ever fully repay.

IRR · November 2014

TRexsMum - we actually went through all of the same steps as you, except I was the only one that didn't need any testing. We don't have a contract because our Surrogates state doesn't allow anything but a "compassionate surrogacy" which means we cannot pay her for anything. Thus my guilt about all we are putting her through to start our family. I guess my anxiety has nothing to do with our surrogate and only about hopefully getting a baby because I don't think I can make her go through this a second time if this time doesn't work.

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