Any Jewish mommas out here?? — The Bump
June 2015 Moms

Any Jewish mommas out here??

I am Jewish and so is DH. We both dont want to go the extremly traditional route of not having a baby shower or not having the nursey set up until the baby comes home from the hospital. But we are getting a lot of pushback from our families. I wanted to see what other Jewish mommas are planning on doing.

Married 11/12/2011
EDD 06/07/2015


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Re: Any Jewish mommas out here??

  • We didn't do anything major for our first two kids (baby shower or setting up the nursery) but we did get a few odds and ends (clothes mostly) ahead of time and stored at my parents' house. What someone told me before my daughter was born was that you really need very little at first.. Diapers, some clothes, a bassinet or something similar that will go in your room for baby to sleep in for the first little while. There's really no need for a nursery to be all set up except that it gives you something to focus on while you're not so patiently waiting for baby to come. Not having a shower sucks a bit but it's not like people don't still give gifts... And it's a small price to pay to keep family relations harmonious. To me it's one of the "things that are true when you're Jewish" 1. Go to temple on the high holy days 2. Don't eat bread during Passover 3. Don't have a baby shower.
    Just my opinion :)
    smellanee
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  • We'll probably have a shower of some sort but I don't want a traditional shower. I'd rather have a big shindig where our guy friends want to come hang too. I don't like having all ge attention on me and I don't prefer the shower games either.

    Regarding the nursery, it's not realistic for us to keep everything out of the house. I'm thinking that we'll keep any baby stuff in our guest room and when the baby is born, we'll just transfer it to the nursery. My hubby isn't Jewish so he doesn't understand the nursery tradition but thankfully he's willing to accept it.
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  • See my hubby is jewish and we both want to have everything set up. Yes i know the baby wil lbe in our bedroom for the first few weeks, but i dont want him to have to spend one of his days off setting everything up when he can be spending time with our child.  His mom and my mom are freaking out. Im not saying we are going to have them set up tomorrow, but towards the end of my pregancy probably weeks 36+ is when we will start to set things up. I planned my sisters Bris/babyshower and it was a nightmare. She "wont have time" to do any planning for me because she will have a 2 year old and twin 6month old babies. I know its greedy to want a baby shower because it is asking for people to give me gifts, but sorry i want to be greedy. I am a first time mom and its what I want.  I know its super early to even think about this but Im thinking about it.

    Married 11/12/2011
    EDD 06/07/2015


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  • If I were you I'd spend that day that he'll spend setting up the crib etc doing something together that you won't be able to do once the baby is born. Going out for lunch, shopping, going to a movie.. Setting up the crib several months down the line will probably be a welcome break for one or both of you. Not to mention the baby will sleep A LOT in the beginning. There will be plenty of time to set things up when s/he's here.
    I'm not trying to be a wet blanket but honestly if your mothers are upset about I don't see how it can be worth it. There will be many battles along the way and this seems like a pretty insignificant one to pick. Again just my opinion.
    smellanee
  • I have been thinking about this and still haven't come to any decisions.  On the one hand, the basis for waiting to put up the nursery or for having a baby shower are mostly superstitious, and that isn't enough of a reason for me not to do those things.  Additionally, our friends and my side of the family have done showers before, will expect to have a shower, and might be offended if we don't do one.  It certainly would also be a big help when baby things cost so much!  On the other hand, some of the other side of the family (and family friends) might be offended, and there is some validity to never knowing for sure how things will turn out.  It does sound like we don't need to really have all of the "things" and nursery set up so early.

    I'm considering some baby shower alternatives or tweaks, such as asking for gift cards and not using them until after birth, or having a relaxing event that focuses on the now and not the baby (yet).  Kveller.com has given me some ideas, and I'll keep exploring.  I don't need to decide just yet.

    So, I'm still very undecided.  I do however want to wait to share the name until 8 days after birth!
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  • I'm not a Jewish momma, but DH is half Jewish (and half Filipino and so super-Catholic on that side--poor guy is perpetually torn).  I was curious to see if the Jewish side of the family would  mention that it's traditional to wait for things like a nursery or a shower, or anything like that--and so far, the exact opposite has been true.  We've had to practically beg his Bubbe not to make a huge Facebook announcement.  :)


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  • I am Jewish, DH is not. He needed everything set up for the first kid and we had baby showers. My parents were ok with that. We did not name or really hugely discuss names until she was born. 
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  • I am Jewish and am doing what I want! It had sort of been the theme of my life- but I don't really care what anyone else thinks!
    AmyCeedkleidacethebase
  • I'm Jewish too and so is DH, but we aren't religious. So we'll do a baby shower and I don't think our families will care. I'm sure your parents will get over it once baby is born.


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  • We had one with our first and all was fine :) since babies will be 4 years apart I'll probably do a sprinkle of some kind.
    Only major Jewish tradition we followed was not announcing the baby's name until the Bris. My parents almost revolted!
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    dkleid
  • See his mom is orthdox, and she pulls the card whenever it is really convient for her. In reality we are going to do what we want because it is our house and our child. Just wanted to get some advise as to what some other mommas out there were doing/thinking abojut doing.

     

    As far as the name, we will probably not announce until the baby is  born, I do like that idea. We still havent even talked about baby names so there is all of that as well.


    Married 11/12/2011
    EDD 06/07/2015


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  • I'm not Jewish, but a good friend of mine is and she and her husband had this exact same conundrum. She eventually decided it wasn't worth the tension it would cause (mostly with her MIL). However, because she had talked about it with our group of friends, we decided to throw a non-shower shower about 4 weeks before her due date. We didn't do a ton of games or big gifts or anything, but we all made frozen meals and bought various sizes of diapers to help get them started and had a big dinner with all the couples.

    She said she was grateful because it wasn't a traditional shower, but it still let her celebrate with her friends and provided them with things they would need (mostly for themselves!) when the baby came. I don't know if this is a compromise that would work or if you have friends that would be willing to do something similar (and keep it on the small/quiet side if it helps), but it worked for her.

    Good luck!
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    dkleid[Deleted User]
  • We're both Jewish and plan to raise our baby in a Jewish home, but until my niece was born two years ago, I never knew that it was a Jewish thing to not do a shower - so therefore I don't even associate it as a Jewish tradition. My brother-and-sister-in-law didn't announce the name until 8 days after the birth, which drove me crazy so definitely isn't something we'll do. 
  • @Sugarchai- The 8 days is typical for a Bris, ultra orthodox will announce the name after a baby naming which typically happens at the next Torah reading (Doesn't matter if mom and baby are still in the hospital), We are planning on finding out, if it is a boy we will not announce the name until the Bris (but probably only the Hebrew name, the English name will probably be announced after the birth). As for if its a girl, I will want to be at the baby naming so it will probably be once the baby is roughly 6 months old. so The name will be announced

    Married 11/12/2011
    EDD 06/07/2015


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  • You've gotten a lot of great advice!

    I am Jewish, and my DH is not.  When my sister had her first baby, my mom freaked out when she wanted to do a shower and setup the nursery before the birth, but since that was 5+ years okay, she has warmed up to the idea of planning ahead and doing things that make sense for us individually.

    We aren't very religious, so we are planning to do a shower and setup the nursery in advance, and I know it doesn't make my mom incredibly thrilled, but I say do whatever is best for you.  A lot has changed since our mommies had babies, so I say trust yourself and do what makes you the most comfortable.
    "Because you are alive, everything is possible." 

    "Smile, breathe, and go slowly." 

    -Thich Nhat Hanh


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    dkleid
  • Will any of you be holding off on bringing baby stuff into your home until the baby is born (setting up the room, Etc)? My mom said it's tradition??
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