Update on Matching

leisemomtobe · November 2014

Well Ladies, we didn't get picked.

I know that there will be more matchings and that our child is out there, but it's still so frustrating to me and makes me sad. And I can't help how I feel. I try to put on a brave face and act like it doesn't bother me, but it really does and each time we're matched and it falls through, it tears me apart more and more. I just want to thank you all who were pulling for us. Here's to another week and hopefully another matching. Thanks again for all your support. It really does help.

leisemomtobe · November 2014

Thanks @TheatrePal. You are absolutely right and I will continue to have faith! (hugs back!)

CarolinaGirl2014 · November 2014

I'm so sorry. I can only imagine how painful and discouraging this is.

I'm not going to give you the "when it's right, it will happen" spiel because I know that would make you want to punch me in the throat ;-). I WOULD; however like to share. A's parents had a failed match after about a month of being matched, which was devastating, especially on the heels of their losses and knowing the clock was ticking for them. That same week, I chose them. A's Mom and I are kindred spirits and have this amazing friendship/sisterhood separate from A. We always say how we'd be drawn to each other if she were never around. She didn't have this with the other expectant Mom. Also, seeing A with her Mom I know that she was created for her. I couldn't imagine her with any other parents. I'm thankful every day that that match failed because if it hadn't A would not have ended up with the family she was created for.

leisemomtobe · November 2014

Thank you @CarolinaGirl2014 for sharing. That made me cry and instilled more faith in me that our perfect baby is out there for us. I'm so glad you and A's Mom get along so well. I can only hope for the same relationship with our Expectant Mom/parents, whomever they may be. Thank you lifting me up and putting a smile on my face.

lorifromwi · November 2014

((hugs)) your baby will find you. I believe the universe conspires to bring us what we need...even if it's not quite on the timeline we would like!

leisemomtobe · November 2014

Thank you all. @Pinkie78 our agency works a little bit differently than from what I'm hearing from everyone else when they talk about their matchings. We get matched based on what we are open to and if that matches the Expectant Parents then I get an email saying we're matched and they send me info on them, for example, the sex of the baby, the race, prenatal care, medical history, etc. DH and I then decide if we want to be put forward, if we do, I let my SW know. Then, the expectant parent looks at our profile book and they actually pick the adoptive parents. This matching was a little different. They looked at our book and many others and they were going to pick 2-3 families to meet in person and then pick who they wanted to parent their child based on that meeting. We didn't even make it to that part. They picked who they "felt a connection with". So you could say we were matched for 5 days. I just felt like this was the one and got my hopes up really high. This is our 4th matching since we've went active. So, I know and understand it can be awhile before our baby finds us. I just get emotional sometimes just because I'm so anxious, as I'm sure you all understand.

Thank you all for listening! It's really great to have a nice support group to go to here.

Dr.Loretta · November 2014

I'm so sorry. Be good to yourself.

We were approached about having our profile shown pretty early in the process and turned it down. I felt so horrible. We got the call for DD days later. I hope the rest of your wait is short

leisemomtobe · November 2014

THank you @Pinkie78. I don't mind knowing we're being shown. I think not knowing, would drive me bananas. I try to not get my hopes up, but I'm human. It's going to happen. I just have to keep telling myself that my baby is out there and until I can hold him/her in my arms, I will hold them in my heart.

leisemomtobe · November 2014

@bookworm92 Thank you. That really made me feel better also because I was thinking, "is there something different I need to do to our profile book?" So hearing what you say we're not doing anything wrong makes the world of difference. I can't being to imagine how difficult it is to pick Adoptive Parents. I try to remind myself of that when I get sad that we didn't get picked.

Thank you all for your kind words and insight. You all have made me feel better about the situation and I do look forward to more matchings and to hopefully hear something this week.

perumom · November 2014

Oh gosh I just had flashbacks from when we were trying to conceive. It seems like the same kind of heartbreak when you are negative after IUIs of IVFs. I think I just shed a little tear for you.

But the truth is your baby is out there waiting to be matched with you. Lots of hugs to you!!!

nlscroggins · November 2014

I'm so sorry. hang in there- I have so much faith that great things are on the horizon for you! it's ok to be upset- like you said, you're only human. just stay focused and driven. we're all here for you!

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