Advice Appreciated — The Bump
Single Parents

Advice Appreciated

I am 26 weeks pregnant with my first child and 35 years old. The father wants nothing to do with the pregnancy or our child as "he never wanted kids" and tried desperately to verbally abuse me into getting an abortion early on. We finally cut ties and he lives out of state, so out sight out of mind. My mother offered for me to move in with her about three months in so she could "help" me as I do not have any other family to speak of. Things were great until she decided to start telling me how to run my pregnancy, what to buy, and acting like I was carrying a child for her. I tried to let this slide for months until over the weekend she decided to start pushing me around verbally and when I tried to walk away called me a "stupid f****** b****". I still walked away and she proceeded to tell me she was done and would not be doing anything more for me until I apologized for being a bully towards her, which apparently caused her to have to call me such a name. Since then she has made it clear I am on my own, which I am assuming means the remainder of my pregnancy through labor and delivery. To top it off I am not sure whether I have a home from day to day and she has decided to start yelling at and physically shoving my dog around with her feet. What makes it worse is that I also work with her in a very tiny office (we are the only two people in the office besides the boss who she has been with for three years). She is also threatening my job if "I don't behave". I am currently also a student in the medical field and just under a year away from graduating which would leave me with a job that would pay enough for my boy and I to live comfortably without support from anyone.

I guess I am ranting, but I am also someone out there might have some advice or maybe a similar experience. I am feeling pretty alone right now and haven't really told any friends that live nearby what is going on yet as I have always had this fear of looking like I come from a "insane" family.

Re: Advice Appreciated

  • Totally agree with becwheat. There are lots of options.
    Finding a new job
    Finding a new place to live
    Getting on some sort of assitance.

    Im a recent graduate im sitting on two job offers(leaning toward one as of right now) when i was living with my sister amd bil he made me crazy. I moved out and back in with my parents. Im currently trying to get on rent assitance to help out.

    You NEED emotional support. I wonderful group of friends who i can always talk to about things. I also have my bf who is a great source of support for me.

    And like becwheat if my mother called me that id habe been gone yesterday.
  • My dad was trying to "run my pregnancy" as well, and sometimes he talks about my daughter as his, so I know exactly how frustrating that is.

    I corrected him during my pregnancy and still correct him to this day.  My dad has emotional issues and suffers from depression, so his reaction is much different than your mom's and it sounds like she has some anger management issues.  So, I wouldn't push too hard at correcting her at the moment.

    HOWEVER, you do need to get out of that living situation. Do you have a friend who will take you in for a short period of time?  Long enough that you can find a place for yourself and LO?  I would suggest starting to look into subsidized housing while you are finishing your schooling for up until you find a good paying job (remember, there is no guarantee that you'll find a job right after you graduate).  Also, look into subsidized day care as well.  If you can find a different job, I'd say do that, whatever it takes to put a little distance between you and your mom.  She could be going through sympathy pregnancy, meaning her hormones are just as out of whack as yours are and could also explain why she's treating you as a surrogate.

    Hope that helps a little. Good luck, OP.
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