feeling so guilty for being emotional about having another boy

lunalukita · November 2014

We have a boy!
I was (whole family was) hoping for a girl since we have 4 boys (10,9,8,&4) 3 are his one is mine. so im emotional and feeling guilty for being emotional. I love my baby boy. God gave us a boy for a reason. but im 31 and this will most likely be my last i just wanted that mother daughter relationship me and my mom have. I would have had an easier time stopping if we had a girl. Never thought I'd feel like this. And I feel so guilty for feeling like this

Joon+ · November 2014

Oh my gosh, I agree with PP - don't be so hard on yourself! I can admit to having some of these feelings myself (mourning not having a daughter) and this is my first!

In my case, we are probably one and done, so I'm sad too that I might miss out on that mother-daughter relationship. But you're right, you were meant to have a boy this time and so am I! I'm sure once our boys are here we won't want it any other way.

In the meantime, I agree it's OK to let yourself feel what you're feeling. I try to imagine how great it will be to have a grown son who loves and is maybe a bit protective of his mom, and who gives great bear hugs like his dad. Little things that I associate more with the idea of a son than a daughter. Just an idea that's helped me wrap my head around it all.

JenLa21 · November 2014

I think it's completely normal to feel the feelings you are, and you wouldn't be a good mom if you didn't feel guilty. Isn't feeling guilty about something just a part of this job? Lol. You already have a child(ren) of your own, and you know what that feeling is like to have a new baby in your arms. In that moment, you're going to be so happy and in love with your son. I know you know that, and it doesn't make the feelings of not having a little girl go away completely. But deep down, you know it's going to be amazing.

And 31 is still young. I wouldn't close the door permanently if you think you're not done. There is still plenty of time for babies after 31.

Christina80xoxo · November 2014

I wanted a son so bad. This is probably my last baby. I found out I'm having another girl. I have to admit I was bummed at first. I feel awful and this is the first time in admiting this.
After a week, I've become really excited with the thought of having another little girl. I know once my little one is here, I'll be feeling like I wouldn't want it any other way. I'm sure you will too

CoozieInMyPurse · November 2014

I wanted a boy from before the time we conceived. I was thrilled to find out we were having a boy, yet within a couple of days, I realized I was a little disappointed it wasn't a girl. Feelings are weird and obnoxious, aren't they? I agree with previous posters that it is good that you are acknowledging your feelings. Try not to feel guilty and allow yourself to mourn what you aren't having.

Strawberry9 · November 2014

Don't feel bad about your feelings. I went through this with my first when I found out he was a boy. I was so disappointed but yet I felt horrible I was disappointed and wanted to focus on the fact that he was healthy. Feelings are strange and it took me a while to get excited about having a boy. Once he was here, I wouldn't change him for the world!

crunchymamaof2 · November 2014

I was petrified I'd be disappointed if this baby had been a boy as we have 2 already and this is definitely our last. It didn't help that everyone was shoving "it has to be a girl!" In my face. I remember being a little sad when we found out our second was a boy. I was thrilled to have him and excited our boys would have eachother, but I did mourn the idea of the mother daughter relationship. Your feelings are normal. Allow yourself to feel them and try to move past it.

jacqueleen1 · November 2014

Its okay to feel how you feel. I can completely understand given your situation. You have been given some good advice from PP

thursday · November 2014

Like PP said you shouldn't feel guilty. I think it's normal. Between my brother and I we have five girls and we were hoping this would be the boy but it's a girl. After I found out I went home and went through all DD's old clothes and it got me so excited! I realized how easy another girl will fit so wonderfully in the family. I never had a sister so I am excited for my two girls to share a room and grow up together. You just have to think of all the wonderful things about having your boys you love.

Mic512 · November 2014

I felt a little bad we are having a girl. I really wanted another boy. You have to give yourself time to wrap your head around it & you will get excited when you are ready.

janda426 · November 2014

I think that's normal. You aren't disappointed in the sex of the child you have so much as you're mourning the sex of the child you don't have and that different bond you may experience with a daughter. You won't love your son any less and it's fine to feel those feelings for a little bit.

toimadness1 · November 2014

I had the same reaction. Some days I still start to feel sad. They had told us at 17 weeks it was a girl and we were so excited cause that's what we were hoping for. Then at 20 weeks we got the oops nope it's another boy. I know we'll be happy once the baby is here but I think you kind of have to mourn the idea of the baby you had started dreaming about.

Haps92907 · November 2014

I agree with the PPs who said it's really not being disappointed in the sex of this baby, it's mourning to loss of all those hopes and daydreams you had about having a girl. I think it helps to separate the 2 things. It has nothing to do with loving this baby any less.

When we found out we're having a second girl, I felt this way. We plan on this being our last baby, and I had hoped to experience both a daughter and a son. It's been over a month since we found out, and I still catch myself sometimes picturing us next year with DD and a baby boy. I forget. But I'm also excited to have another girl, and sure that soon enough I won't be able to imagine our family any other way. It's okay to mourn the hopes you had. You don't have to feel guilty about it.

ST3WD · November 2014

I don't have advice on how to handle your feelings, but the PPs have given some really nice insight. I just wanted to offer some *hugs*. This too shall pass.

Congratulations on the boy (and completed basketball team)!!

capulet · November 2014

I think one reason I am happy to be team green this time is that I know I will be both happy to have whatever we have and sad that we won't be having one more of whatever we don't have (we have one of each), not that that's such a big thing, but it will be easier to be positive about what I have and let go of what I'm not having once my baby is born. I know a lot of parents of all boys who love their kids but have similar feelings about not having a girl.

One comment I do want to make though - it is totally legitimate if you have decided your family is complete at this point, but since I will have all three of my children between the ages of 32 and 39, I don't think you need to be done having children just because of your age. But that is a very individual decision.

jpavenski · November 2014

I agree with what everyone has said, I had the same reaction when I found out our second was another boy. I so wanted a little sister for my little guy, but I had to let my self feel bad & know that it doesn't mean I love my new little guy any less. For me it's really hard since all of my friends have multiple girls & I'm the only one with boys. And lately my guy has been going through the terrible 3's big time! So it's got me nervous about having this x2, but I just think by the time the baby is older my first will hopefully be over this stage. I also went shopping & got tons of big brother/little brother outfits & matching outfits for their first pics together!

kelseypie · November 2014

I'm feeling this way too. We found out yesterday that we're having another boy. It's hard to explain that I'm not disappointed to have another son, just sad that it's likely that I'll never experience having a daughter. We may try for a third, but I'm worried about what my feelings might be like if we had a third boy. Not to mention, we may very well decide we have our hands full with two. We'll have to really soul-search and make sure we'd be trying again for the right reasons, and not just to maybe get a girl.

I keep reminding myself of all the positives of having another little boy. I love our boys name, won't have to buy much, having two boys less than two years apart will be fun for them. I truly am excited about it. But even so, I'm still having to mourn the idea of having a little girl, and that feeling is just way too close to being disappointed about our new baby boy, and I feel immense guilt. It sucks. I hope it's just because the news is fresh, and that it goes away soon.

It doesn't help that everybody who I've shared the sex with immediately looks crestfallen and asks if I'm ok with it, or says "too bad" or "maybe next time you'll get a girl". It makes me feel weird. I'm sorry you're in this weird place too.

lewispm · November 2014

kelseypie said:
It doesn't help that everybody who I've shared the sex with immediately looks crestfallen and asks if I'm ok with it, or says "too bad" or "maybe next time you'll get a girl". It makes me feel weird. I'm sorry you're in this weird place too.

This is the absolute worst. I actually wanted a 2nd boy this time around, and still get this reaction from people. They are shocked when I say I wanted a boy and look at me incredulously as if I am lying. It was actually weighing on my mind a lot before we found out the sex because I felt like everyone would be disappointed if he was a boy and that made me really mad at them for his sake! People are just clueless sometimes....

And I think the feeling of disappointment will go away once you bond with baby boy. I know I had it with my first, but it didn't take long to get used to the idea of a boy and eventually really excited about it to now actually preferring it!

sweetmama17 · November 2014

Thank you for posting this. I could have writen this myself. Except this is my second boy.

I am super excited to have boys that can share a life of brothers and to be able to share the bond that only siblings of the same sex can share. But I would be lying to say I ddidnt shed a tear when we found out it was a boy.

I adore the relationship I have with my mom. It does hurt that I may not get to experience that with a daughter of my own (and being the MIL sucks).

I do feel like it is normal to mourn this as a loss of what might not be rather than a dissapointment in what you have.

Good luck Mama, right there with ya.

lisap0924 · November 2014

I have a SS and wanted a girl so bad! I even had girl names picked out!
I was so scared I would be disappointed at the a/s if we found out it was a boy.
I found out I am having a boy and I couldn't be happier!

I think your feelings are normal. Who wouldn't want a girl with all those boys?!

You love your baby boy and all your boys. That's all that matters

jpavenski · November 2014

kelseypie said:
I'm feeling this way too. We found out yesterday that we're having another boy. It's hard to explain that I'm not disappointed to have another son, just sad that it's likely that I'll never experience having a daughter. We may try for a third, but I'm worried about what my feelings might be like if we had a third boy. Not to mention, we may very well decide we have our hands full with two. We'll have to really soul-search and make sure we'd be trying again for the right reasons, and not just to maybe get a girl.

I keep reminding myself of all the positives of having another little boy. I love our boys name, won't have to buy much, having two boys less than two years apart will be fun for them. I truly am excited about it. But even so, I'm still having to mourn the idea of having a little girl, and that feeling is just way too close to being disappointed about our new baby boy, and I feel immense guilt. It sucks. I hope it's just because the news is fresh, and that it goes away soon.

It doesn't help that everybody who I've shared the sex with immediately looks crestfallen and asks if I'm ok with it, or says "too bad" or "maybe next time you'll get a girl". It makes me feel weird. I'm sorry you're in this weird place too.

Omg yes to this! Everyone else's reaction really kills me, it's so aggravating & def makes me feel bad for my baby! I actually had someone say to me so I guess this means your going for a third, I'm like um hello this one isn't even out yet!

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