Overwhelmed

kjm1019 · November 2014

I honestly have no idea what I should be doing. Little man is our first, and wasn't exactly planned. I am so overwhelmed with everything that I "should be doing". I am 27 weeks today. And I mean should I be taking Breast Feeding classes or Child Birth Classes or already have my bag packed for the hospital? People keep asking me and we don't even have a name picked out or all the nursery furniture bought. I don't have any of my cloth diapers bought yet. Am I behind and suck? Or are there people just better at being prepared? I can't even bring myself to read the what to expect when you're expecting book, because I just go to all the horrible things that could happen and then stress over that. So I've avoided that book. So I have no idea what I should actually be doing right now. I just have no clue what I am doing. Any one have any advice or Feel the same way?

jennjilljo · November 2014

Take a deep breath. Stay calm. It's overwhelming when you doubt have any guidance and it's ok to feel that way. A breastfeeding class and a child birth class are a good place to start. You can schedule them through your hospital. You won't need the baby bag until you're late in the third trimester, around 5 weeks out is when I packed mine last time.

Try writing down the things you want to get done before baby comes. All you really need is a car seat, safe sleeping spot, warm clothes, diapers, wipes and a feeding source to start.

Ask what you need. We can all help and get through it together.

hollydenton · November 2014

I'm right there with you. DH and I are still livjng with his parents while remodeling the house we were supposed to have moved into in early October. I had a mini meltdown earlier this morning because I feel so behind. Glad to know I'm not the only one. I'll be 27 weeks on Friday.

Irishcurls · November 2014

You're not behind. We don't even have a nursery. Like, literally there is no room to put this child in. She'll be fine with a bassinet in our room for awhile. You definitely don't need a bag packed yet, you definitely don't need a name picked.

You could start buying one or two cloth diapers a week or try a few different types and see which ones LO likes best before buying a whole ton of them. Skip the parts of books that you don't like--that's what I do! Honestly, I find that reading helps me feel prepared, but I don't get bogged down in every single thing.

Check out some blogs (Pregnant Chicken is hilarious and useful) instead of a full book? Feelings are mixed on birth classes, not everyone finds them helpful. Call the hospital you'll be delivering at and see what the schedule is, sign up if one fits for you guys. I have two good friends who went into labor before ever getting tours and classes done; they are excellent mothers. It's going to be ok! I promise.

mishka29 · November 2014

Personally, I got the what to expect book from my sister but only read it if I had a specific issue or concern. Planning is relative to each person. Some people are over planners (like me) and pthers just like to go with the flow and figure it out when they need to.

For baby gear think - food, clothes, diapers, car seat, sleep. There is a lot that is not needed but more nice to have or helpful.

IsabelC687 · November 2014

Hang in there! We also don't have the baby's room ready (as in full of my husbands ' hobbies and office stuff) and need all our furniture. We are slowly saving up money for the bigger purchases. Like PP said, babies don't need a lot, so focus on the basics: a place to sleep, diapers, clothes, a car seat and food. If you are looking to cloth diaper on a budget take a look at Alva baby diapers. They make cheap and decent quality cloth diapers. My friend recommended them, it's what she uses on her two kids.

Sahara6971 · November 2014

Eh, don't sweat it. You will be just fine. I have done absolutely nothing and I am not worried about it. You could take a breastfeeding class but the nurses and LC at your hospital will most likely teach you what you need to know. Most birthing classes are done during the 3rd trimester. It's hard to be prepared for this mom thing because all babies are different and have different needs. I really like The Baby Book by Dr. Sears too by the way. It is pretty laid back.

StephanieLBerg · November 2014

You're not alone. Our nursery is no where near ready. It still has the spare bed set up in it and all the boxes of Christmas decorations stacked up in it, plus the furniture is just sitting it. The crib isn't set up and the chest and dresser aren't even in their proper places in the room itself. We haven't been purchasing much of anything because we want to wait and see what we get from our shower to avoid buying doubles and triples of things. I think, as far as a list to get baby started, other posters have covered it. You really won't need much anything else until the baby is about 6 months old and able to start eating normal food in addition to the formula/breast milk and sleep in their crib in their room rather than the bassinet in your room. Another good cheap source for well made cloth diapers is MewBaby Cloth Diapers. They are made in china so you'll want to order now so you get them in plenty of time. I think they sell for about $5-$7 per diaper. Or, if you're "sew" inclined, Green Peppers makes a pattern to make your own cloth diapers. You can buy the polyurethane laminated outer fabric, the moisture wicking inner fabric, and the terry soaker pad fabric from fabric.com for pretty cheap and they have quite a color selection as well. If you decide to go that route, I would consider investing in a snap press and some plastic snaps from KAMsnaps.com instead of using velcro or the button/loop closure combination. The snaps hold up better in the wash, look better, and last longer than the velcro and button/loop closures.

Dani_Love · November 2014

Not behind at all! I have nothing, not one thing for this baby. It's my second, I didn't do classes last time and I'm not going to this time. Shower isn't until January so I have no idea when things will arrive or what's getting purchased. The nursery is currently a storage space. Hopefully I can get myself into gear around thanksgiving

Take a deep breath. You can schedule classes now if you want to take them, touring the hospital is easy and pretty quick, I didn't do mine until after 30 weeks. I totally understand what you mean about what to expect, I felt the same way. Maybe get a book on breastfeeding or on the birth methods you're interested in? Babies really don't need a lot to start, you are doing just fine

crystalw88 · November 2014

Sorry for any repeats, didn't feel like reading through the responses. I'm not sure how you bump but the app has a few suggestions on what you should be doing weekly (scheduling appts, looking into classes, registering, ect) To be honest with you, I don't even follow it. I just keep a list going and do things as I can. I have the What To Expect When You're Expecting book and quit reading it because I found it so boring! I have the journal that I use a lot and that has multiple check lists (appts, tests, registry) if you're into that kind of thing like I am. It also has a few suggestions on what to do monthly as well as many trackers (weight, diet, exercise.) I'm slowly working on the nursery, it's finally cleaned out and ready for a paint job. We definately don't have hardly anything purchased besides a car seat and stroller. I probably gave more than my 2 cents but bottom line is that we're all at different stages but we're all headed to the same place and we'll all get there without a doubt. Check into a few apps or maybe google some checklists. Try to stay calm and good luck girl.

kjm1019 · November 2014

Thanks, guys! I'm glad I'm not the only one. I was so worried, I was already failing as a mom and he hadn't even popped out yet!!!

maltwin1 · November 2014

Definitely don't worry about being behind! You have plenty of time to get stuff done.

Everyone has their own schedule when they feel comfortable doing stuff. You needed time to adjust to the idea of being parents. There is nothing wrong with getting used to it for a few months. Me, on the other hand, we were doing infertility treatments so I wanted to have this baby...like...yesterday, and was very excited to dive right in to the planning and organizing as soon as we had our first u/s.

Just start slow and make notes of things you want to look into. The classes you mentioned sound great. You could also look into "baby boot camp" type classes that go over basic parent stuff like diapering, bathing and swaddling. As far as gear goes baby will need somewhere to sleep and something to wear and diapers. You'll need a way to transport baby (stroller and/or baby wearing option). The rest is just extra that you can decide about after the baby arrives.

Most importantly don't be too hard on yourself! You'll get there and I promise it's not as urgent as it seems.

dees14 · November 2014

I haven't done any of those things either! I'm not going to take any classes. The nursery needs to get done eventually, but the baby won't even sleep in there for the first couple months, so I don't think I'm behind.

vargasgurl · November 2014

Take a deep breath... It is overwhelming ! With my daughter I started making calls and asking the hospital about the classes I only did the birthing class . Sometimes the hospital where you deliver gives you a discount. Schedule that ... I didn't look into names till the end and I packed my bag as I was having contractions! I did have a few things purchased like pjs for the hospital and my birthplan written out. However this was well into my 3rd trimester .

Don't stress out ... You basically need your car seat / diapers / clothes / bottles / crib or co-sleeper or pack'n play for the 1st few months . I didn't use my crib until dd was 5months.

I am sure if you have a shower you will get plenty of these things.

It will all fall into place.

srcr2011 · November 2014

You should be fine. Don't stress out. NB don't need a lot.

lizjennings81 · November 2014

Uh, @KristinMTBell, how'd you sneak a picture of our nursery?

schnitz9 · November 2014

You are totally not alone. We have ordered the nursery furniture but its not coming until jan. So right now we have an empty room. Not going to paint the room as it is a brand new house that is still settling into its foundation. Our hospital does childbirth classses but they recommend them from 29-35 weeks. The dec schedule isn't even posted yet so we haven't signed up yet. Have you guys gone and looked at gear? Registered yet? Try going out and looking at stuff. It can be overwhelming but it may put you in the right direction of where to start.

SquirrelsRWatching · November 2014

I want to start buying stuff for LO, but I need to wait until my baby shower. The first one is at the end of the month, but my other one isn't until the beginning of January! Therefore, my "nursery" is still bare. I still need to register for childbirth/newborn care classes, tour the hospital, and find childcare for next year. AAHHHH!!!!! Over the next two weeks, I hope to have the classes/tour scheduled and pin down some daycare options. I hope to be registered at a daycare by December for next August. Otherwise, everything else is out of my control. When the time comes, baby will have what he needs, even if it's not everything I think he needs. Just take it a day at a time and set a plan on when things need to get done by. It'll all work out!

erobbins09 · November 2014

Long sorry! Used this to think through stuff myself!
We are under contract on a house... So technically we don't even have the place where the potential nursery will be

don't stress too badly (easier said than done). I'm cutting myself some slack since I don't want to buy stuff and move it twice so anything you buy before thanksgiving is a leg-up on me!

Education-Baby preparedness:
I plan to take 1 breastfeeding class (a visit from the lactation specialist is already requested in my birth plan per my registration docs once LO gets here)
I plan to schedule a visit to tour the birthing suite in the next 2 months (friends have delivered there and rave or else I'd have wanted to see sooner)
Everything else is coming from my OB directly, F15 ladies, reading online and a couple books. I am not doing traditional birthing classes.. But I am the type of girl who likes dealing with what comes vs having all of the info.. That stresses me more, if that makes sense?

Purchasing - the majority of the "stuff" will happen after my January shower... We will be going full crunch time at the end but if you think about it.. The necessities can be purchased in 1-2 trips, thrown in the laundry and put away in 1 day. A long tiring day.. But it can be done.

Nursery - again, I'll be a bit behind considering I won't be painting until early December but it will get done. One weekend and the majority can get put into place. Will it be perfect? Probably not.. But he will be none the wiser.

Maybe think of the one or two big stressors and see if you could cross those off? For me I'd like to just make lists in the next two weeks. I need a packing list (house), I need a list for what is going in-needed for the rooms for the new house, I need a list of nursery items I NEED (separate space for wants.. That will lower stress for sure), a list for healthcare/hospital phone calls and follow-ups I am expecting at this point (still need to get my breast pump from insurance provider etc), etc etc

I think the unknown sucks but once it's all out there it will help you focus on what really worries you.

kjm1019 · November 2014

Thank you a so much for the support!!! I will definitely start making lists and checking things off. That will help! :-)

Beth.1212 · November 2014

You don't suck!

If you feel like you know how to take care of LO once he/she arrives, there's no need to take classes or read books. If you don't feel like you are ready yet, then go ahead and take some classes and/or read some books. You can sign up for classes soon and be totally fine. A book I reaaaly liked that got into a lot of the practical, day to day care is "Heading Home with your Newborn." Made me feel like I had a decent handle on LOs everyday care.

Early in your 3rd trimester, I would make sure that you put together a list of things to pack for the hospital. It's a good idea to have a bag packed a few weeks before your due date. I have to confess that I didn't pack until my water broke, though. Not suggesting that, but if you wait to pack, it's not the end of the world.

It'd be good to pick out a name before LO is born, but I know people that didn't finalize a name until after the birth. Like my mother

I was unnamed for the first few days of my life.

I haven't started on the new nursery (DS will be keeping his crib, furniture, etc.). I'm hoping to start shopping for stuff in a couple of weeks. If you want something special-ordered (vs. IKEA or the like) then you should order it soon, as it can take many weeks to be delivered.

Here are some essentials for when LO is born:

Somewhere to sleep (bassinet or crib or something like that)

Carseat

A few onesies or kimono tees (I like the latter b/c they're easier with the umbilical cord stump)

Some warm sleep and plays

A couple of hats

A couple of blankets

Diapers (I use cloth AIOs, but start in disposables till those fit) and wipes

Somewhere to change the baby, which can be as simple as a towel on the ground

Feeding supplies - though if you're breastfeeding that can just be a couple of burp cloths

Most people, myself included, have a ton of other stuff that they *like* to have, but I'd say those are the only real essentials. Everything else can be picked up after the baby is born if needed. (Personally, my list of "want to have before baby's here" is about 15 times the one above in length, but I really like to have everything I could possibly need. I hate going out with a newborn.)

People are asking you if you've done things because they're excited about the baby and want to talk about baby stuff. They probably aren't trying to imply you should have that stuff done yet.

greenbumbletea · November 2014

You are not alone! I too am feeling overwhelmed and that's how I found this post tonight. I will be 27 weeks on Thursday.

Our nursery isn't much of a nursery yet - we still have storage stuff in the room and no furniture.

I have signed up for the parent ed classes, but I feel hesitant to keep reading the what to expect books because I feel overwhelmed by the thought of becoming a parent sometimes. I've read the L&D parts but who knows what will actually happen.

Thinking of you and sending happy thoughts your way. I know that somehow we can all make it through this stage!

misskc2 · November 2014

I am really glad to have found this post tonight as well. I have been feeling extremely overwhelmed. I feel like there is so much to do and I don't know where to start!!! I made myself a list and it will get there. Sounds like we all have a ton of support with the F15 ladies. So thank you everyone for making us FTMs feel less crazy!!! Xoxo

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