warning personal topic

crystalw88 · November 2014

Ladies of F15, I just can't take it anymore! I neeeed sex! Before getting pregnant DH and I used to "mess up the sheets" every week-week and a half and we were both satisfied. Now, I feel like a teenage boy, give me all the sex! I want it everyday, all day. DH keeps telling me no. We've been through the whole thing. I've cried, thought it was my new body repulsing him, thought he may be worried about hurting baby, even accused him of cheating on me (based on a couple of crazy dreams and raging hormones.) He assured me it's none of the above. What gives? Why doesn't he want to? I didn't know men had the ability to turn sex down?

AshleySparkle720 · November 2014

I have friends that have had this issue to the point where it can really drive both of them insane. One friend went so far as to buy liquid pheromones to rub on her body. Have you talked to him and explained that you are needing sex more often? Some men's drive does decrease when their wives are pregnant. So just be open to his response and try to work it out in the best way possible for your marriage.
The element of surprise always works in my favor too

then sometimes they can't help but be turned on. Good luck girl!

Zsmommmy · November 2014

crystalw88 said:
Ladies of F15, I just can't take it anymore! I neeeed sex! Before getting pregnant DH and I used to "mess up the sheets" every week-week and a half and we were both satisfied. Now, I feel like a teenage boy, give me all the sex! I want it everyday, all day. DH keeps telling me no. We've been through the whole thing. I've cried, thought it was my new body repulsing him, thought he may be worried about hurting baby, even accused him of cheating on me (based on a couple of crazy dreams and raging hormones.) He assured me it's none of the above. What gives? Why doesn't he want to? I didn't know men had the ability to turn sex down?

You aren't alone hope he doesn't tease you by sexting then when you're ready he says "I was joking I'm tired" :-q

alyse0305 · November 2014

DH was this way until recently, but twice in one day yesterday leads me to believe we are on the up trend! I started to just randomly be naked in front of him and "accidentally" turn him on. Also, if you can, wear a shirt or pants you know he thinks you look amazing in. I find these little tricks to be much more beneficial then telling him how much I want sex! Men like to be the ones chasing after what they think they can't have! Primal instinct. When the tables turn they don't know how to react! Much like we would be.

nbad311 · November 2014

What about some third base stuff?? :P

crystalw88 · November 2014

@AshleySparkle720 - I may have to try liquid pheromones! I went as far as to buy new lingerie in his fav. color and it worked Friday night but not last night. I have talked to him and ran through all the possibilities I could think of that wouldn't make him want to and he assured me it was none of those.

@Zsmommmy - I hope yours isn't doing that [-(

@alyse0305 - I could parade around the house naked and he wouldn't blink twice...but that's because I do it normally to begin with lol

edited: wrong threw/through...sugah would be disappointed in me

dreemkin84 · November 2014

I would ask him why then since he just kept saying no to your reasons. If you still get nothin then I would self service

AshleySparkle720 · November 2014

@crystalw88‌ pure romance sells it. It smells amazing!

it sends my hubby into like overdrive

coloradoginger · November 2014

Unless I'm mis-reading, it looks like you're saying you guys both used to be good with having sex once every week to week-and-a-half? If that's still happening, it sounds like that's just his normal sex drive. That does suck if your sex drive has increased a lot and you want it more often, but I wouldn't take it personally (ie, think it's something you've done or that he's being unfaithful) if he hasn't changed right along with you.

jaztastic · November 2014

It happens...At first it was all the "im worried", "I dont want to hurt the baby" etc.. then we got past 1st tri and ever since I really started looking pregnant its been different. He loves my body, and is in awe of my belly.

But sexually, its hard for him. He said he feels like he is cheating on me. He knows my body like a glove, and nothing is the same. My boobs arent the right size, my nipples are enormous, my belly is in the way. He cant passionately kiss me while making love like he loves to do. I cant move and adjust my body the way he is used to. Its just different.

He is attracted to me, but hasnt gotten used to the new me that seemed to have changed all of a sudden.

I have to damn near strap him down and take it some days.

I dont take it offensive, I understand its an adjustment for him. I just get down with myself, sometimes multiple times a day. No sweat... or we pleasure each other at the same time. <----- dont ask. But it works for us.

jennypolkadots · November 2014

I've always had a healthy sex drive but during the first trimester I pretty much always wanted it. Now it is back to normal - 3 x a week or so. DH is more than happy to oblige. He has zero issues with me initiating, but he is only up for it about every other day. But that has been his pattern ever since we were teenagers - he doesn't want it every day! Quality over quantity he says lol

Of course men can refuse sex... Men are people, too. He has his own emotions surrounding your pregnancy, stress in his life, other things he needs to get done, etc. and just because he has a penis it doesn't mean he has to want it all the time. I hate this stereotype that all men are horn dogs.

crystalw88 · November 2014

coloradoginger said:

Unless I'm mis-reading, it looks like you're saying you guys both used to be good with having sex once every week to week-and-a-half? If that's still happening, it sounds like that's just his normal sex drive. That does suck if your sex drive has increased a lot and you want it more often, but I wouldn't take it personally (ie, think it's something you've done or that he's being unfaithful) if he hasn't changed right along with you.

Yeah, I guess I keep looking for answers but this makes sense.

@Jaztastic- let's just say I've gone threw a pile of batteries by now $:\$ ">

StephanieLBerg · November 2014

You know, my hubby was in your position LONG before he and I got pregnant. He is a very sexual person and can't get enough of my body, even wanted sex all day every day. When we were teens and into our early twenties we shared the same strong desire to have it all day everyday, multiple times a day if we could squeeze it in. But as I got older I noticed that my sex drive was greatly decreasing over time and it got to the point where I really only wanted it maybe once every couple weeks or so. This drove my hubby damn near insane. He said all the same things you mentioned (asked if it was him and his body, said I didn't love him anymore, accused me of cheating, etc) and it was none of the abov; I honestly didn't know where my sex drive was going. Then I started to do some research and discovered that depression and weight gain can cause a person's sex drive to take a massive dive almost overnight, which was the case for me. Hubby thought I was feeding him an excuse to make him feel better about himself, he couldn't possibly wrap his head around that I no longer wanted it as much as he did and our relationship was severely rocky for a few years because of it. We started treating each other like crap, ignoring each other, it was bad. After a traumatic incident that happened to me, not by him, my hubby and I had our eyes opened in a bad way. We both quickly realized how petty our feud was and both realized that, if we weren't fighting over how much sex was acceptable in a relationship, then what happened to me probably would never have happened in the first place. And that's when he started to see the truth, I was depressed (which only got worse for many years after this) and was gaining weight, which helped him realize that he was starting to experience the same. He started to realize that it wasn't that I didn't love him, or find him attractive; I just couldn't find the want. The last few years he and I have been trying to make a better effort of showing the romance between us, fighting the sexual dysfunction he and I have come to know between us, and its taken work but we are getting there. The last few years we have gotten to a point where we will have sex anywhere from once or twice a week to every couple weeks depending on other environmental factors (I.e. stress, work, family, etc) and have just been patient through the whole process.

The point I am trying to make is that your hubby and his sexual appetite doesn't seem to have changed; your hormones and sexual drive has, which happens A LOT in pregnant women. It doesn't mean he loves you any less, its just his own desire. What you need to remember is that 1) You are pregnant and that has caused sudden changes in you, 2) There may be other factors, like stress or even baby, that MAY in fact be causing him hesitation, but that doesn't mean he no longer wants you. This is a big step and a big change for both of you, it can be super overwhelming especially for men; they just don't seem to understand how at peace we become with pregnancy because THEY aren't the ones experiencing it. They don't know what our bodies can and can't handle and from a very young age they are brought up to treat women with the utmost tender love and care they can BECAUSE they don't know what our own physical limits are. Since getting pregnant my hubby has been treating me like a porcelain doll because, even though he KNOWS baby is well protected, he still doesn't grasp that my body's limits haven't changed much. Its just in their nature and it may explain why your hubby is showing caution with you regarding your new found desire to have more sex than usual. Don't take it personally, its not your fault nor is it his. Like a pp said, if he won't join you, then you can always self service. I find that most of the time, if I want sex and hubby doesn't, and I start self servicing and he knows about it, it gets him in the mood and he joins me anyway. Open the sexual bubble between you. If you don't currently have kids, flaunt yourself in front of him. If you have lingerie, surprise him one night with it, bur don't flat out say "hey, look what I put on for you!" Just wear it around the house until he notices, all it takes is a thong and a push up bra for my hubby to notice. Be more subtle and assertive (but not pushy) with the romance and you, and your hubby, just may be surprised! :-) I hope this helps, sorry about the long post.

jaztastic · November 2014

ChickenOnSunday said:

jennypolkadots said:

I've always had a healthy sex drive but during the first trimester I pretty much always wanted it. Now it is back to normal - 3 x a week or so. DH is more than happy to oblige. He has zero issues with me initiating, but he is only up for it about every other day. But that has been his pattern ever since we were teenagers - he doesn't want it every day! Quality over quantity he says lol

Of course men can refuse sex... Men are people, too. He has his own emotions surrounding your pregnancy, stress in his life, other things he needs to get done, etc. and just because he has a penis it doesn't mean he has to want it all the time. I hate this stereotype that all men are horn dogs.

@jennypolkadots

What are you doing here? This is the opposite of being supportive. If anything you are making the OP feel worse. Think before you post.

My thoughts exactly... So not helpful, and this is usually the case. But I was just hoping the board ignores these responses.

ckimberley14 · November 2014

@crystalw88 Sorry, hon, that would be so frustrating (in both ways)! Does DH give you a reason for his lack of drive/desire? Maybe if he told you why he didn't feel like DTD it would make you feel a little better, although not satiated. I'm with jaz--find other ways to satisfy your need. But part of me is like, couldn't YH at least participate in other ways (not necessarily with his babymaker) to help you find relief? I mean, seriously, how many of us ladies help our SOs find sexual relief even if we don't feel like it, and on numerous occasions? /raises hand

lizzybean · November 2014

Aw man Im sorry hun. I am definitely NOT experiencing the same thing right now, but I can empathize! The act of sex itself has been quite uncomfortable for me lately, but using our hands on each other at the same time has been helping a lot. We still feel connected, get that release we both need, but I am not uncomfortable or in any pain afterwards. Might be something to bring up with DH. Good luck dear!

Alygohome · November 2014

This is why I have a drawer full of toys lol. But seriously I want it way more that my husband and although he does give it to me a lot of the time when I ask (remember he was gone for 3 months so I got none pretty much til 5 months with all my morning sickness ) I would honestly rather not have to think of his pleasure most of the time now since it takes him longer to get off then me (selfish much?) have some fun you time.
Also I know the more my h has sex it seems the more his sex drive picks up, I know when it's particularly low I will try giving him head more (my husband won't say no to head no matter what) then halfway through I pull the... Me or you on top? At that point all his blood is in his penis and he is pliable to all my suggestions so maybe something like that will work?. I hope you guys find a good balance.. It's frustrating when sex drives get off sync.

mandamoochie · November 2014

ChickenOnSunday said:

jennypolkadots said:

I've always had a healthy sex drive but during the first trimester I pretty much always wanted it. Now it is back to normal - 3 x a week or so. DH is more than happy to oblige. He has zero issues with me initiating, but he is only up for it about every other day. But that has been his pattern ever since we were teenagers - he doesn't want it every day! Quality over quantity he says lol

Of course men can refuse sex... Men are people, too. He has his own emotions surrounding your pregnancy, stress in his life, other things he needs to get done, etc. and just because he has a penis it doesn't mean he has to want it all the time. I hate this stereotype that all men are horn dogs.

@jennypolkadots

What are you doing here? This is the opposite of being supportive. If anything you are making the OP feel worse. Think before you post.

chicken, you're my hero.

On a serious note, I've been having similar issues with no *good* solution @crystalw88. Since we have a 16 month old running around the little time that we get to ourselves DH seems to just want to veg and sleep. So I've been stalking this thread all morning to get ideas - Thanks for posting it.

crystalw88 · November 2014

@StephanieLBerg - that was a long post but extremely helpful so thank you! You really put some things into perspective for me. I just kept thinking it was something to do with me. As you and others have said, there are many other factors that could and are playing into this situation.

@lizzybean- you bring up a good point about feeling connected...I guess that's why I was feeling unloved. I'll bring this up to DH and hopefully he'll be on board with your idea at least.

@Alygohome- it seems when he knows I want to fool around, whether it be giving him a blow job or whatever, he knows what's to come and he immediately says no. I know that once I get the ball rolling, neither one of us can stop but he won't even let me get started!

Thank you everyone for the reassuring words and support. I need to keep reminding myself that it has nothing to do with me. Hopefully this funk doesn't last long but until then...I need to pick up more batteries.

kefttsc · November 2014

DH has NO sex drive since I got pregnant, so I completely understand.

A few days ago, we were organizing some things and I got flustered and just blurted out "I need to have sex SOON."

He just feels the same as some mentioned earlier, that it isn't even me anymore. In the first trimester, I was sick and he was a bit scared (previous loss), but it progressed into discomfort and other fears. We'll get through it, but we'll have to take care of ourselves for a while

erobbins09 · November 2014

@Alygohome‌ hahaha I laugh because we literally have the same mentality. Step one.. Drawer of toys... Step two... Rope him into it by doing something you know he won't say no to... Literally dropping to your knees the minute he walks in the door. Then once you do that.. You can make him do anything.

I also get off at at least a 2:1 ratio to him so I always get mine.. Which works out for manipulating him to put some effort in even when he is not feeling it (stressed/tired etc).

Crystal I am so sorry because that's really a sucky thing to go through. Just remember it isn't you. And it isn't that he doesn't want you. I'm not 100% clear now if it's that he wants it less or you want it more..? If he wants it less I really would chalk it up to him probably not admitting that he may be weirded out about the pregnancy stuff (you know.. Knowing the right answer and giving you that but maybe having legit concerns so there's a mental block). If it's that you want it more then I'd either motivate him (like aly said) or continue to get yours anyway you can. I'm also not above getting mine right in front of FI and usually he can't help but join in.. At the very least he'll make out with me while I do it... Which I kind of love. Good luck girlie!

Izzy0927 · November 2014

jennypolkadots said:

I've always had a healthy sex drive but during the first trimester I pretty much always wanted it. Now it is back to normal - 3 x a week or so. DH is more than happy to oblige. He has zero issues with me initiating, but he is only up for it about every other day. But that has been his pattern ever since we were teenagers - he doesn't want it every day! Quality over quantity he says lol

Of course men can refuse sex... Men are people, too. He has his own emotions surrounding your pregnancy, stress in his life, other things he needs to get done, etc. and just because he has a penis it doesn't mean he has to want it all the time. I hate this stereotype that all men are horn dogs.

mylazypony · November 2014

Ugh no sex in sight..

I haven't had sex since June. My hormones are raging and I'm single. I find myself checking dudes out on the subway or grocery store. I snap out of my sexy trace and remember oh yes I have an obvious baby bump, a lil girl on the way.

Guess it's porn and vibrators for another year.

booooooooo

Izzy0927 · November 2014

@kkleigh10

https://24.media.tumblr.com/a8a7d63129940d6d3a95bd254de0f846/tumblr_mes7z1ylNo1qbdvh9o1_500.gif

psychobutthead · November 2014

erobbins09 said:

@Alygohome‌ hahaha I laugh because we literally have the same mentality. Step one.. Drawer of toys... Step two... Rope him into it by doing something you know he won't say no to... Literally dropping to your knees the minute he walks in the door. Then once you do that.. You can make him do anything. I also get off at at least a 2:1 ratio to him so I always get mine.. Which works out for manipulating him to put some effort in even when he is not feeling it (stressed/tired etc). Crystal I am so sorry because that's really a sucky thing to go through. Just remember it isn't you. And it isn't that he doesn't want you. I'm not 100% clear now if it's that he wants it less or you want it more..? If he wants it less I really would chalk it up to him probably not admitting that he may be weirded out about the pregnancy stuff (you know.. Knowing the right answer and giving you that but maybe having legit concerns so there's a mental block). If it's that you want it more then I'd either motivate him (like aly said) or continue to get yours anyway you can. I'm also not above getting mine right in front of FI and usually he can't help but join in.. At the very least he'll make out with me while I do it... Which I kind of love. Good luck girlie!

I don't even bother asking anymore I go straight for the toy now. I think my sex drive is probably higher than my Dh's at this point so this is probably the issue for us. I highly suggest any ladies not on pelvic rest to look into getting a toy. Theres no shame in it.

crystalw88 · November 2014

Izzy0927 said:

jennypolkadots said:

I've always had a healthy sex drive but during the first trimester I pretty much always wanted it. Now it is back to normal - 3 x a week or so. DH is more than happy to oblige. He has zero issues with me initiating, but he is only up for it about every other day. But that has been his pattern ever since we were teenagers - he doesn't want it every day! Quality over quantity he says lol

Of course men can refuse sex... Men are people, too. He has his own emotions surrounding your pregnancy, stress in his life, other things he needs to get done, etc. and just because he has a penis it doesn't mean he has to want it all the time. I hate this stereotype that all men are horn dogs.

BEST GIF RESPONSE EVER!

selly08 · November 2014

I totally feel you! But, I really like the way jaz has put it. It's just the different us. I hope we get our sex time soon.

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