DD hates me :(

Poppy523 · November 2014

during my pregnancy L started to become a daddy's girl. Even though I stay home she would get super excited when he got home and he would do bath time. Other than bath, I do all of her routine with her. We play a lot during the day and she is happy with me, but when daddy got home she could take me or leave me. Then my dad came to stay with us before M was born and he has been here about 2 weeks. L became really attached to him. She started to want me around less and less. Since I have come home from the hospital she doesn't want anything to do with me. She doesn't get excited to see me, she actually cries if I try and hold her or read to her. I don't know why she suddenly hates me, but thanks to the hormones I can't even write this post with boohooing all over my phone

I feel like I am the only SAHM who's toddler hates her...

kelly321 · November 2014

Your DH and your dad are exciting because they are out of the norm in her routine. You, dearest Mama, are everything that is predictable, solid, and normal. That is why she doesn't get excited to see you, is my guess.
As for crying when you hold her right now, it's probably due to the huge change in her life and routine brought about by your new DS. Give her a few weeks to settle into the new routine and see that you are still there for her and love her.

If it makes you feel better, DD1 was all about me (I was an almost complete SAHM for her first year), and when she was 11 months old I had to go to a seminar for a week. I got back and it was like I was chopped liver compared to DH. She cried when I held her, always wanted him, etc. Seriously, kid? I cared for you almost 24/7 for 11 months, and then I'm gone for one week and you switch sides? Traitor.

kleigh926 · November 2014

I agree with Kelly. I'm sure this is just a phase she is going through, and having a new baby around can be a tough transition. Things will get better, and she doesn't really hate you. I understand those hormones though!

lc&jw · November 2014

You're definitely not the only mama going through this. I deal with this with DS at times. He is definitely a daddy's boy and there are plenty of times that I feel like I mean absolutely nothing to him and he only wants his daddy. There are times when he cries when I try to take him from daddy at bedtime to say goodnight. When we're going through those tough times I try to carve out time to do things one on one with him: reading books, playing together, etc. I also try to take on bathtime and bedtime with him for a few nights until we're feeling more connected again.

Your DD is going through a huge change right now and you're less available to her since DS was born (I'm guessing you probably have primary responsibility for the baby, even when other family members are around). If there's any way to have certain times of the day that you hand DS off to your husband and get some one on one time with L, that might help. Maybe carving out some mommy playtime after dinner or starting to do her bath or bedtime routine while your DH has the baby.

Hugs to you! It's so hard to feel this way, and hormones are no help right now! It will get better though once you all settle into a new normal as a family of four.

ericalee27 · November 2014

Hugs, you are in a transition period, it will get better. Honestly, there were about 2 years with DS1 that he honestly could take me or leave me. He is still a big daddy's boy. It worked to our benefit when DS2 was born since I was nursing all the time. It's gotten better recently, which is nice to feel loved again!

Amstreagle · November 2014

I agree with pps that it's just transitioni and a phase all though it doesn't make it any easier on you. She still loves you but has to get used to things.::hugs::

Poppy523 · November 2014

Thanks ladies. This helps me feel better. I'm going to try and make sure L and I are still doing fun activities that are just her and I so we can have some happy time together. Hopefully we will all adjust to the change soon.

mishka29 · November 2014

That's rough. Dd is just coming out of a huge dada phase. Most of the time it was okay but there were some moments when I was hurt and acted like a giant pouty baby about it. I'm a little worried about what's going to happen when dd2 pops out!

Rosebean · November 2014

I am sorry she's going through this with you. As moms, we are the Bert and dads are usually the Ernies. But I would keep pushing through and try to be a bright light around her. But keep the structure without letting her walk all over you because you feel guilty. Are you making efforts to keep her included with baby? We make sure DS is as involved as possible when we interact with DD so that he doesn't get jealous. And of course there are times he prefers his dad over me. Just after nap today, he would start pouting whenever DH told him to "go see mama". Meh, I just shrugged it off. Mind you, I don't have the PP hormones you do! Big hugs mama! She'll come around again.

tamarar5 · November 2014

DEFINITELY not the only one! I've got the same thing going with DS.

SidraJedi · November 2014

No experience with this as a mom but as a toddler my lil sis came along when I was 19 mo old. It was hard for both mom and me but I wanted her to be around and to want to hang out with me. I did distance myself from her bc I was a little threatened by new sis. Also, now that I have a 19 mo old I realize my age had a lot to do with it. It is a very independent age.

My two cents is just to try not to take it personally, to continue what you are doing (spending time with your DD and expressing yourself to her) and to just wait it out. She wants her momma, she's just growing up and adjusting to her new lil bro

draeray · November 2014

I feel you Poppy. My son prefers my Husband over me and honestly not sure if he would care if I ever came home.

Up until a month ago, both my husband and I worked. I always got home first so he would get excited to see me and then excited to see my DH when he got home. If we got home at the same time, he would go straight to his Daddy.

Now that my husband is caring for DS full time, he 100% of the time only wants Daddy. I come home from work and I get a smile and a huge (maybe) and then he takes off back to wanting Daddy. It's not like it was when we were both working and he would scream and run to me because he was so excited. When I leave in the morning for work, he waves and says "byeeeeeeee". If daddy tries to leave he cries.

I am also the one that does all of the routine stuff (bath, bedtime, dinner, books, brushing teeth, dressing etc). Granted I did a lot more with him when both of us were working than I do now but he has always preferred my husband to myself except when he was really little.

All I can say is I relate completely and I am not preggo or hormonal and it breaks me heart. My son wouldn't even notice if I never came back home.

Poppy523 · November 2014

draeray said:
I feel you Poppy. My son prefers my Husband over me and honestly not sure if he would care if I ever came home.

Up until a month ago, both my husband and I worked. I always got home first so he would get excited to see me and then excited to see my DH when he got home. If we got home at the same time, he would go straight to his Daddy.

Now that my husband is caring for DS full time, he 100% of the time only wants Daddy. I come home from work and I get a smile and a huge (maybe) and then he takes off back to wanting Daddy. It's not like it was when we were both working and he would scream and run to me because he was so excited. When I leave in the morning for work, he waves and says "byeeeeeeee". If daddy tries to leave he cries.

I am also the one that does all of the routine stuff (bath, bedtime, dinner, books, brushing teeth, dressing etc). Granted I did a lot more with him when both of us were working than I do now but he has always preferred my husband to myself except when he was really little.

All I can say is I relate completely and I am not preggo or hormonal and it breaks me heart. My son wouldn't even notice if I never came back home.

Awww I'm sorry you are dealing with this too

- here's to hoping its a phase for both our little ones!

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