XP with Seperation Anxiety: Please help!

Karlamo · October 2014

Any moms deal/dealt with seperation anxiety yet? R is 8 months old and over the past few weeks he started doing this. He only wants me to hold him, not even his other mama.

The background is mamosey had wrist surgery a few weeks ago and couldn't pick R up or do any diaper changes, get him dressed etc. I did all his day to day care and bedtime too. Now that she is in a hard cast as opposed to bandages she can do more for him but he won't let her hold him. If I'm in the room he only wants me. If I leave the room we have a full blown meltdown which is heartbraeking for him, mamosey, and me. We both want him to be comforted by both of us. We went to great lengths to give us both equal mom field; like both breast feeding and both staying at home with him during the week, thou I get 2 days and she gets 1. To add to this debacle, I plan on weaning in a few more weeks. So this poor kid has his world being tipped upside down.

It's so bad I can't walk around my house because if he sees me he gets set off. The other night I was crawling around on the bedroom floor to avoid him seeing me. The timing of this couldn't be worse with her surgery.

So anyone been through this with their partner? How did you handle it with your baby? How did you handle it with your partner to avoid resentment?

Our goal is to have him comfortable with both of us holding him again. I really hope this is a short lived phase. We're heartbroken over this.

Thanks for listening

ATXmommas · October 2014

That sounds rough.

We haven't had to deal with anything like this, but I think it is really normal and will hopefully resolve itself soon. Keep us posted.

Karlamo · October 2014

Thanks @ATXmommas and @Flygirl1228 for commenting.

It's sucky all around. I hope everyone is right and it's just a short phase. It's funny being the mom who didn't carry, I never would have guessed I would be dealing with this. The entire pregnancy I imagined it the other way around. He must remember the 34 years that I carried him.

Jazibel · November 2014

I'm so sorry you are going through this. We had struggled with separation anxiety when Kaden was about 10 months old. He was clingy toward me. And like R would fuss and escalate when my wife would attempt to take over care. I know it hurt her feelings, and made both of us feel powerless because it placed added pressure/stress on me. At first we tried to cater to his "wants" and I took over the majority of the care. But we realized that wouldn't work for our family as a whole, and so we had to force the issue. My wife stepped in as usual and he would complain. But it usually subsided pretty quickly, especially if I was if a different room. We also had her take over several of the fun things. Bath time, swimming together, exploring foods at dinner, etc. Now she's the fun parent so that stuck ;-)

I'm not sure if what we did or didn't do will work for you both and R. But the best news is that it's totally normal and it does pass. Good Luck!!

CageyMack · November 2014

This happens occasionally for us. I see it resolved best when DW goes on a full-time care extravaganza--takes W on a her/him vacation. But even a weekend where she does pretty much all his care restores her awesomeness in his eyes.

And like you, times when W has been distant from her were predicated by her long hiatus as a significant care-taker (travel, pregnancy illness, etc).

It will switch, but you can probably hurry it by pushing the lion's share of baby care to her--and just walk away from them if crying ensues. May not be your style, but it works for us pretty quickly, right about the time I can't handle the clingy-ness and need a mini break.

Good luck!

2brides · November 2014

Yep. Been there. Done that. And in various ages.

I was typically on the shunned end of the deal, and while it is hard not to take personally, it isn't personal at all. We accommodated the preference at times, but never changed our routine. He'd flip when I'd change him, but was fine for L. So, she changed him when she was around - but he was stuck with me in the mornings and a lot of evenings when L worked late - and had to deal. :P We never intentionally put one of us in a FT care caving role (unless it just happened per our schedules) because even it did occur (L out of town for work and I was the FT caregiver - as soon as she walked in the door, no one wanted me any more.)

It will pass - and then come back - and then pass again...

Karlamo · November 2014

Editing because never posted.

Thank you to all those who responded. It's nice to know I'm not alone.

Quick update: Things seem to be better at the moment. Mamosey was home with R all day on Friday which seemed to help a lot. So far this weekend he hasn't cried too much when I leave the room. Though he stalks me like prey when I'm around him. We're hoping that things stay this way or go back to normal. We'll see what happens this week when I'm home with him.

@jazibel, Glad to know what worked for you. We decided that mamosey will do his day to day care when she's around. I hope it works for us too,

@CageyMack, I had to laugh at the "awesomeness in his eyes". That's exactly how it seems. I probably should appreciate it now because I'm sure in 15 years it won't be this way.

@2brides, I'm not looking forward to the day when the shoe is on the other foot. I guess I need to get used to this idea.

ball.and.chain · November 2014

Following for future reference. :-bd

YBnormal85 · November 2014

We have been dealing with this pretty much all six months of Lennon's life so far,so I have no advice :-/ I carried Lennon, breastfeed,and am the SAHM so basically she only gets to see Linda a few hrs a night and on the weekends. It seems to be easier for Lennon to spend time w Linda on the weekends, but nights are rough. I hope it continues to get better for you!

Want a personalized experience?

XP with Seperation Anxiety: Please help!

Re: XP with Seperation Anxiety: Please help!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards