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June 2015 Moms
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Intrusive family&friends, Help!

franskifranski member
in June 2015 Moms
Hello mamas, I am 9weeks5days and have announced the good news to close family and friends. Everyone is excited which is great but at the same time I had a couple of friends and my parents that without asking are planning to stay at mine around the time the baby's due (We live in different countries)
I'm sure they just want to be helpful but the idea of going into labour with people in my house fretting about is stressing me out!! I wish to live that moment with my husband in privacy and then obviously I'd love to have them around!
I guess it bugs me that they're planning things without asking me!!!
Anyone out there having the same kind of problem?!
:-/ >:D<
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Re: Intrusive family&amp;friends, Help!

  • dkleiddkleid member
    So my sister and brother in law have to deal with this. We live in the states but my sisters in laws are Canadian. What they did with their first was told them they can book a flight but no one would be allowed back until the baby was born. Once the baby was born the called her inlays and they got on the next flight out. I know it can be expensive but it brought them a bit of peace of mind. While my parents and in laws live in the states we are telling them that they will get a call once I have the baby. I don't want a bazillion people in the hospital waiting around for me. It's just to stressful. Of they find out that I'm in labor and come to the hospital that's great but no one will be allowed back until the baby is here.

    Married 11/12/2011
    EDD 06/07/2015


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  • mrscampos4lifemrscampos4life member
    Why don t you tell them the truth? That you some space at first to get used to the baby and that it will be a little stressfull post-partum: recovery and all. That youbrather have them come a little later.
    Me 29 DH 38
    Married 07.01.2011
    TTC #1 BFP 09.28.2014 EDD 06.07.2014
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  • SchnuretteSchnurette member
    As pps said - tell them. We told people right off that they were welcome to come for a short visit at the hospital (bonus: nurses are hardcore and will kick people out for you) and that we wanted to have a week to adjust to this new little person in our lives before people came over to our house.
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  • sewrosewro member
    We live far from both sides of the family and made it clear no one was welcome until our daughter was a few weeks old. I'd have let my parents come earlier, they actually helped out, but she was born right before the Super Bowl here and flights were ridiculous. My in-laws I would have put off even longer if I could. They expected us to wait on them when they visited. It was awful.

    My sil is due with her first the same week as us, so I don't think that will be an issue this time.
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  • carolyngracecarolyngrace member
    TELL THEM. You may greatly regret it if not! I know people who have had family staying with them after their birth and it was awful because the people still expected to be treated like guests. Even if yours aren't like that, having people around is still pressure. Is there an Airbnb they can stay in nearby for cheap? Suggest a couple of alternatives and give them a nice "Thanks for the offer, but no thanks, we want that time to be just us in our home". 

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  • sarafinnasarafinna member
    We live several hours from the closest family we have. We have decided to add a month to our due date when telling everyone. That gives us wiggle room & hopefully can dodge a lot of the waiting & calling drama. We want to labor & birth before anyone knows what's up. Then it's on our terms.
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  • queequeg09256queequeg09256 member
    I too feel the same on this. I told dh before we got pregnant that I didn't want anyone visiting until 1 week after the baby was here. My mom said she would do what she wants and be here anyway but after we told her we were expecting she backed off. My in laws don't know yet but they spent 3 weeks with my sister-in-law when she had her baby. There is no way I can stand people at my house for 3 weeks.
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  • bumpuser10605721bumpuser10605721 member
    Tell them tell them tell them!!! Let them know your plans and how you want things to go. With our first we were lucky. Family was only a hour away , but we never told them I was being induced, my husband and I were able to do our thing, have our son with just us knowing, best of all we got time. We called them later in the morning (he was born on a Saturday at 3 am, we called everyone at 8am) we told them when we wanted visitors (Sunday) and we scheduled everyone for an hour each. Everyone was great in respecting how we wanted things because they knew the plan! This time will be a bit more difficult since we will need someone to watch our son, if i end up going into labour on my own and VBACing or having a repeat c-section Not sure how it will all work out. Even if I do a c-section it will be short notice since I won't book it ahead of time.. but, one thing off the bat I know I will prepare people for is that my son will come to see us all in our room first, my husband will get him from the waiting room and bring him.
    Okay totally off and rambeling now
    Me: 29 DH: 30
    DS born 12/29/12 @ 41+1 
    TTC#2 07/2014
    BFP 10/14/14 MC 11/14/14 D&C for RT 11/18/2014 
    Given all clear 12/15/2014 - back to TTC



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  • iheartpancakeiheartpancake member
    I'm in the same boat. My husband is English and we live in the US. His mom and dad are planning on coming over for almost two months when the baby is born. I appreciate the fact that they can help take care of the dogs while we are in the hospital and it'll be nice to know if my husband can't get me to the hospital in time, they will be there. And, although I don't like to think about it, if the baby ends up in the NICU it'll be great to have them at the house. HOWEVER, I have made it clear that at least the first week after the baby is born they need to stay at the local bed and breakfast or something. This is our first kid so I don't really know what to expect. We need to get into some sort of routine before they can be around 24/7. I love them dearly, but I can be a real asshole when I'm sick and recovering, so the last thing I want to do is hurt their feelings in some way as well. I look forward to their extended stay, aside from the first week. Just make sure your family knows that at any given moment you might need space and they just might need to go be somewhere else for a little bit. I'm excited about the family's extended stay, but boundariws
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  • franskifranski member
    Thank you all ladies. You're right I have to tell them, I suppose I'm finding some difficulties in doing that as I don't want to hurt their feelings. Also my parents are Italian and no one is allowed to cut off the family!!! Especially when grandson/daughter's on the way...(Hence living in the UK, ;) !!)
    Thank you again!!! Xxxxx
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  • mindaamindaa member
    Thanks for this discussion! Both our families are out of state and I'm sort of dreading having this conversation. Has been helpful to hear other's experiences. I agree, it's so hard to balance your own needs with their feelings and desire to share the excitement.  
    Me-37, DH-38
    Married in 2006, TTC #1 since Jan 2012

    Baby Boy born June 1, 2015

    He settles her in her home as a happy mother of children, praise the Lord! (Psalms 113:9)
    And the peace of God, which surpasses all understand, will guard your heart and mind in Jesus Christ (Philippians 4:7)

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