MIchelle Duggar is nuts!

vpeazy · October 2014

“In your marriage there will be times you’re going to be very exhausted… Be available,” she said. “Anyone can fix him lunch, but only one person can meet that physical need of love that he has, and you always need to be available when he calls.”

This is what she says about having sex and why they have so many kids! And she instills this in her daughters! Psycho!

MapleMomma · October 2014

While her opinion may not be yours, she is entitled to her own opinion. Personally, I can appreciate what she is saying...

modernfairytale8709 · October 2014

Well said @‌maplemomma

Each couple has a unique relationship. There is no one size fits all when it comes to love and family.

Yes, the Duggars have a lot of children. No, it's not the norm in american society today. But the children are being raised to be respectable productive members of society. There are worse things they could have done.

psychobutthead · October 2014

Just because she teaches her daughters that doesnt mean thats what theyre going to do.

i dont agree witg how many kuds the duggars have but i respect them since they pay for their kids all themselves and dont use assistance.

aggiebug · October 2014

Hey it works for them so I am not going to judge.

There are many other philosophies they hold that I disagree with much more than that one.

baileylove22 · October 2014

I have no problem with being available for some lovin, but it should go both ways. A husband should also follow this guideline.

Irishcurls · October 2014

aggiebug said:

Hey it works for them so I am not going to judge. There are many other philosophies they hold that I disagree with much more than that one.

Yeah I have other issues with them. Getting frisky isn't one of them.

crystalw88 · October 2014

baileylove22 said:
I have no problem with being available for some lovin, but it should go both ways. A husband should also follow this guideline.

This, we haven't had sex in over a month. I have the sex drive of a teenage boy and I've been continuely shut down.

mommaa1615 · October 2014

ewww

wendy46001 · October 2014

Their cult teacher her (the family) that the father is the headship, and she/kids have to do whatever he decides. So if he wants her to be "available" guess it is what it is. Mind you she's said some crazier crap than this and yes i believe she is certifiable.

jennjilljo · October 2014

I feel like this is along the lines of suck it up even if you don't feel like it (advice that gets given on here a lot). I personally hate that attitude and idea. If is wrong for someone else to force you to have sex then you shouldn't force yourself or feel required to force yourself.

Even though I disagree with it I guess it works for them so good for them.

lorifromwi · October 2014

I think there are times we all haven't been feeling in the mood, but know it's something our spouse wants so we suck it up. I think this applies to more things than just sex, if you haven't made a compromise in your relationship to make the other person happy, I'd like to hear about how you make that work!

I don't think her comment implies that he would force it on her at all costs to meet his manly needs. Although unconventional, it does not seem to be an abusive family and with how many years they have been on the air, I think this would have come to light by now.

Alygohome · October 2014

wendy46001 said:
Their cult teacher her (the family) that the father is the headship, and she/kids have to do whatever he decides. So if he wants her to be "available" guess it is what it is.
Mind you she's said some crazier crap than this and yes i believe she is certifiable.

Me too. I work with a pastor of the same religion and his views are scary, and it's scary his wife just obeys him.

mirigirl · October 2014

There has never been a time where I regretted having sex with DH when I was tired or whatever. I always try to say yes. However; there have been many times I have said no, but I am working on it. Is it a religious thing? No. But I try to be available for my husband and he available to me.

Irishcurls · October 2014

unconventionalatbest said:

I love the Duggars... at least Im pretty sure I would love them if I ever met them. A lot of things they do are out of the norm, but their kids all seem like sweet, well functioning kids. They haven't been brainwashed. They don't have to do anything someone says. What they choose to do is just different to a lot of people. And, I dont think this can be interpreted as she just always has to have sex, no matter what. I am almost positive her husband respects her and her body enough that he wouldn't push it if she didnt want it. I think she is saying both sides should be willing (she is particularly talking about her side of it here), but that doesn't mean either is at the others disposal. That's just my guess from seeing how they live life and the principals they believe are true.

....mmmmm, I disagree with this statement. Do I think they are Christian people? Sure. But it's way, way fundamental and I'm not a fan of their belief system in general.

mirigirl · October 2014

Irishcurls said:

unconventionalatbest said:

I love the Duggars... at least Im pretty sure I would love them if I ever met them. A lot of things they do are out of the norm, but their kids all seem like sweet, well functioning kids. They haven't been brainwashed. They don't have to do anything someone says. What they choose to do is just different to a lot of people. And, I dont think this can be interpreted as she just always has to have sex, no matter what. I am almost positive her husband respects her and her body enough that he wouldn't push it if she didnt want it. I think she is saying both sides should be willing (she is particularly talking about her side of it here), but that doesn't mean either is at the others disposal. That's just my guess from seeing how they live life and the principals they believe are true.

....mmmmm, I disagree with this statement. Do I think they are Christian people? Sure. But it's way, way fundamental and I'm not a fan of their belief system in general.

Brainwashed is an extremely strong word. People should be free to practice their own beliefs without being accused of being brainwashed. While I do not agree with many of their beliefs, I am not going to claim the parents are brainwashing their children. I am a Christian (non denominational) I have practiced Native American religion as well, and I am very open to other people's religions and such. So perhaps I just am more accepting and open to others choice of beliefs and religion.

Nvywife · October 2014

Couples who play together, stay together. There have been nights I would have rather just gone to sleep but seeing how interested DH was I took one for the team. And I know there have been nights he's come home just wanting to sleep and put in the extra effort for me.

Angeldcf · October 2014

I'd rather have more Duggar-like children running around than Justin Bieber/Miley wannabes.

jaztastic · October 2014

I take issue with Duggar bashers. As soon as someone is raised (or taught) with strict religious beliefs and values, everyone jumps on this "THEY ARE A CULT", "They are being brainwashed", "They live disgusting lives"... then turn around and want to be PRO - freedom of speech, freedom of religion, dont judge us, let us live our lives protesters. I dont get it.

I grew up with with teachings very very similar to the Duggars so I understand the lifestyle. Not everything will you take with you into your own home as an adult. But seriously, let them be. Its easy to stand on the outside and judge just because its different from your mentality. However, its not that drastic to them, it really isnt that deep of a concept to deal with. The woman are raised the be available to their husbands, but the men are also raised to be gentle and mindful of their wives. Its not just the husband standing over the woman with an iron fist. The dynamics of the relationship more times than not, or at least the way I was raised is a lot more even than is seen by outsiders.

mands1125 · October 2014

I love the Duggars! Michelle kind of annoys me but I like the kids a lot. JB is kind of a creeper but he makes me laugh at times.

Alygohome · October 2014

@jaztastic I appreciate that you grew up in a similar religion and you had good experiences, I personally did not grow up IFB but I was exposed to it lots in my area. As with any religion there is good and bad things, however, from what I have seen from people of the same religion as the duggars lots of the husbands do rule their family with an iron fist (my co-worker does NOT allow his family to watch tv, listen to music, use the internet, cut their hair, the girls are discourage from wearing pants, cannot date, cannot hang out with anyone outside the church and these are 30 year old women who are being told what to do ect ect). I have heard things about blanket training and family camps from people who are IFB. I personally believe that it is a cult. But that is my personal belief, if anyone chooses to join any cult they want--they are free to do so. I also worked with nothing but Mormons for 6 years and I have great respect for their religion and some of their teachings so its not that I am religious intolerant, I think some religions take it too far.

WanderingA · October 2014

As a disclaimer: I am not religious.

I am, however very accepting of other people's religions even if I don't agree with their teachings. I spent a lot of time When making my religious decisions studying various religions and seeing the intersections among them all. The Duggars religious beliefs does not make them in a cult, but I do agree with you that it's pretty degrading to women. I can disagree with it, but I would fight to allow then to practice it because it's their right.

There are, however, other things about the Duggars that make me cringe. Blanket training their children for instance is a scary practice. Also, it scares me a little bit that they believe that women should never show anything but happiness. I think some of their teachings set them up for future mental health struggles.

chicagojackie · October 2014

jaztastic said:

I take issue with Duggar bashers.

Not everything will you take with you into your own home as an adult. But seriously, let them be. Its easy to stand on the outside and judge just because its different from your mentality.

Yes. Me too. The Quiverfull movement is not one to which I feel the need to follow but I respect those who do follow such orthodox beliefs. The religious and the agnostic or atheists alike deserve our respect.

Back to the Duggars. Almost everything we know about them is based on a TLC "reality" show and on "news" reports. This cannot be a reliable source to base our opinions of them on.

They also support all of their children financially which I am constantly impressed with. DH and I have great jobs and will be working hard to support our TWO children, let alone 10+ children.

Also if Michelle Duggar can take care of all of those children and manage that household and still have time to rock Jim Bob's world, she is a better woman than I. Working my one job and taking care of my one child and being nearly 6 months pregnant I am struggling through one day at a time.

kdhuling · October 2014

I agree with her statement as more of a guideline and less of strict a rule. I think it sex is hugely important in a healthy relationship but I also think it goes both ways. We both try to be available for each other, but we can also respect when the other is just not feeling it. It's not always so much about the sex but that emotional connection that occurs with it for us.

lorifromwi · October 2014

@chicagojackie - I really did not want the image of Michelle "rocking Jim Bob's world" in my head. Thanks for that!! (Ewww)

jaztastic · October 2014

Growing up... I could not wear pants, makeup, gawdy jewelry. We could only watch limited tv, internet was strictly for school/education purposes, as a lady I was taught not to cut my hair, the only music I was allowed to listen to was christian/gospel, the older girls courted with chaperones. Is it different... yes it is.

Without going through a Bible teaching... there are reasons for each and every fundamental thing. Kids/Youth (some adults) are influenced by their surroundings, yes? So if you dont want your child to (for example) curse. You dont do it at home, you wont allow them to watch shows that curse, listen to music that curse, hang out with people that curse. Because thats not something you want your child to do. So according to living in line with principles of the Bible within all areas of your life, you prohibit and deter outside influences that go against what you believe from a spiritual stand point.

Like all arenas, there are those that will be EXTREMELY conservative, and then those that will be a little more liberal.

My parents were moreso in the middle of the road, and as we got older (after 16) began to allow us a little more leniency. But to this day, I know woman who are well into their 30's living at home, still living under the headship of their father, until they get a husband. This isnt foreign in many cultures around the world.

Irishcurls · October 2014

I mean I think they are generally nice people, but there have been reports of really bad things associated with the Quiverful movement in general, and I side-eye that a bit.

eta: Though I will agree that "brainwashed" is not a fair assessment of how I feel about them.

wendy46001 · October 2014

When they decided to put their views on tv (edited views at that) they opened themselves up to public opinion. A little research into ATI, Alert Academy, Journey to the heart, Pearls child raising, blanket training, etc shows just how far from mainstream christian their beliefs are. They are free to believe what they want as long as they remain in the bounds of the law. Also I'd rather have a society of free thinking people all allowed to explore their own minds and beliefs instead of living in a world of Duggars.

mirigirl · October 2014

*I am just going to leave this here*

Should we open the floor to Sister Wives? LOL.

haha ok but really, I love the show. It is my guilty pleasure. While I may not entirely agree with the religious values of the Duggars or the Browns (Sister Wives), I sure do like watching their shows.

srcr2011 · October 2014

I personally think "In your marriage there will be times you’re going to be very exhausted… Be available,” she said. “Anyone can fix him lunch, but only one person can meet that physical need of love that he has, and you always need to be available when he calls." is great advice. I don't want DH to find someone else because I am tired. I give MH a lot of credit. I think a lot of men are more sexual than women, and right now being pregnant, I don't have much desire when I know he does. I make that effort because I know it's a need he has and I want to be the only one fulfilling his needs and make him happy. But I agree, it goes both ways, both need to make an effort to satisfy each other- not just in the marriage bed, but in the entire marriage.

Nvywife · October 2014

I'm sure if the world had an insight into any of our lives we would be judged for one thing or another that we do. No family is the same as another.... Frankly if it were what a boring world we would live in.

jaztastic · October 2014

I just chuckle, because society is more comfortable and accepting of images portrayed by Love N HipHop, Real Housewives, Gipsy Sisters, Kardashians, Teen Mom, MTV RealWorld/Road Rules... because this is normal acceptable living.

But lets feel weird about or judge, The Duggars, Amish, Sister Wives, TV Evangelist.. because my goodness that is brainwashing and woman are shown in a bad light.

Living with rules and guidelines, limits and moral parameters is just not cool and therefore must = bad unproductive citizens.

lorifromwi · October 2014

kkleigh10 said:

I don't want DH to find someone else because I am tired.
Eesh, that makes me cringe. I'm sure your husband is a great person but hopefully you're not actually concerned he'll stray because you're tired. I do agree that SOMETIMES each partner should "take one for the team" so to speak, but if anyone is worried there will be cheating when the word "no" is said there are much bigger issues to deal with.

Actually, I think complacency or laziness or lack of focus on the partner leads to infidelity and divorce. How easy is it to get stuck in a rut or have bad behaviors...super destructive!

At the same time, if a partner's needs are not being met, it is their responsibility to bring that to the attention of the other person and discuss.

nbad311 · October 2014

Someone just needs to tell me how you pay for 19 children without a reality TV show.

jaztastic · October 2014

lorifromwi said:

kkleigh10 said:

I don't want DH to find someone else because I am tired.
Eesh, that makes me cringe. I'm sure your husband is a great person but hopefully you're not actually concerned he'll stray because you're tired. I do agree that SOMETIMES each partner should "take one for the team" so to speak, but if anyone is worried there will be cheating when the word "no" is said there are much bigger issues to deal with.

Actually, I think complacency or laziness or lack of focus on the partner leads to infidelity and divorce. How easy is it to get stuck in a rut or have bad behaviors...super destructive!
At the same time, if a partner's needs are not being met, it is their responsibility to bring that to the attention of the other person and discuss.

There are limits here... No I dont feel like it tonight = perfectly fine. No I dont feel like it tonight, and havent felt like it for the past year = marital problems.

Im one of those that will be the first to say, I do not make myself readily available at every beck and call of my husband. Its just not going to happen. But I cant make that a regular occurrence. If I feel like Ive denied him too many times in a row (which has happened especially given our opposite works schedules and peak sex times) I will put myself in the mood at random and come on to him. I dont ever want him to feel as though he is not wanted sexually. I would not want him to deny me time and time again either.

lizjennings81 · October 2014

The thing I hate most about these discussions (and I've seen them happen outside of TB)? The topic is talked about as if women aren't sexual beings themselves. That we're here to meet needs instead of having needs mutually fulfilled. I know it's based on how things are phrased, but damn it, does it ever drive me crazy.

jennjilljo · October 2014

IMO Sex isn't something either party should feel a need to fulfill. Forcing yourself to have sex is no better than someone else forcing you to do it because, honestly, emotionally and physically you still don't want it. I would never want my husband to feel required to perform for me when he doesn't feel like it and I don't think he should expect that from me. If it gets to the point that it's a problem we should discuss it (and have we have) in an effort to find a solution that works for us. Whether it's that the sex has gotten boring, one of us feels unattractive or we just want more attention in other ways to feel loved and appreciated so that we can perform the way we'd like.

lizjennings81 · October 2014

@jennjilljoite, I agree, that's why I used the words "mutually fulfilled." There are times when we've shut each other down; there are times when we've each soldiered through. The vast majority of times, though, we jump enthusiastically into the sack, ready and willing.

I just hate that it's discussed as if women are mostly sighing as they open their legs while their husbands are panting with desire.

Oh, hell to the no. I love sex.

Irishcurls · October 2014

I actually really don't have a problem with the "gender roles" the Duggars portray, similarly as me not having an issue with Michelle's statement. But the Duggars will not be the hill I choose to die on today. They're just not for me.

wendy46001 · October 2014

nbad311 said:

Someone just needs to tell me how you pay for 19 children without a reality TV show.

_________stuck in box______

Old family money. Vast commercial real estate holdings, car lots etc. The family had money before TLC showed up.

srcr2011 · October 2014

kkleigh10 said:

I don't want DH to find someone else because I am tired.
Eesh, that makes me cringe. I'm sure your husband is a great person but hopefully you're not actually concerned he'll stray because you're tired. I do agree that SOMETIMES each partner should "take one for the team" so to speak, but if anyone is worried there will be cheating when the word "no" is said there are much bigger issues to deal with.

I know he will not stray if I'm tired. If I'm/he's tired all the time and deny each other all the time, that's different. I agree, there have been times where we really are too tired, but I don't want to ever get stuck in a rut where sex is rare. I believe that could lead a spouse to look elsewhere. A once in a while "no" should not cause a spouse to wonder elsewhere. I agree, if so, then yes, there are much bigger issues.

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