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February 2015 Moms
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No interest in affection...

bumblebreabumblebrea member
in February 2015 Moms
Hello Mommas,
I am a FTM, 26 weeks along... I love my SO, but because of my lack of interest in sex our romantic life has kind of gone down hill...he's somewhat gotten used to not having sex (maybe once a week, if not every two weeks). My SO has been complaining a bit about the fact that I have no interest in affection now either :( I have no interest in kissing or hugging or cuddling unless he initiates it or sometimes I deny him all together... Is anyone else going through this? Any advice as to what I can tell him to make him feel a little better? I love him to death, and the last thing I want is for him to feel like I'm losing interest in him (as he feels I am and have expressed that). Help :(
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Re: No interest in affection...

  • maltwin1maltwin1 member
    I'm not in the same situation that you are because my DH isn't a super sexual guy, but I can tell you what is do if I were on your situation.

    Honestly, if you feeling distant and unaffectionate was starting to make him self conscious I think I'd make a little bit of an effort even if you didn't always feel like it. While ideally he would totally understand through out the whole pregnancy and never need anything from you, we are all human. I'm not saying have sex when you don't want to, but if holding hands or hugging or cuddling up on the couch for a few minutes every so often would give him piece of mind I'd just do it.

    I know it's hard to feel sexy right now. I personally love being pregnant, but I DO NOT feel sexy. But I can only imagine how id feel if DH suddenly changed toward me and I didn't fully understand why.
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  • erobbins09erobbins09 member
    maltwin1 said:

    But I can only imagine how id feel if DH suddenly changed toward me and I didn't fully understand why.

    This. I haven't lost my drive but if I had I know it would affect my guy and that thought would motivate me to reach out to him however I could. I have a fear of letting bad habits set in and I wouldn't want him to come to expect my indifference to affection...or worse, I wouldn't want to train myself not to want that back... Tough love: suck it up and love on that guy who helped make a baby with you...(not necessarily with sex, that's your choice... But everyone needs some lovin' sometimes and many guys don't share that need so I would really listen).

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  • Kayla*MarieKayla*Marie member
    erobbins09 said:
    But I can only imagine how id feel if DH suddenly changed toward me and I didn't fully understand why.
    This. I haven't lost my drive but if I had I know it would affect my guy and that thought would motivate me to reach out to him however I could. I have a fear of letting bad habits set in and I wouldn't want him to come to expect my indifference to affection...or worse, I wouldn't want to train myself not to want that back... Tough love: suck it up and love on that guy who helped make a baby with you...(not necessarily with sex, that's your choice... But everyone needs some lovin' sometimes and many guys don't share that need so I would really listen).
    Totally agree with these ladies. He's reaching out!... cuddle up, give him a foot rub, or just reach for his hand while out and about. (And if you do initiate sex, odds are you will probably end up REALLY enjoying it and it will help you out of your funk!)
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  • jennjilljojennjilljo member
    This happened my first pregnancy and I didn't realize it until DH pointed it out. It hurt his feelings, his pride and his self esteem because he felt unloved, unattractive and unwanted. I had no idea until he explained it to me so I explained that at times I felt physically uncomfortable with certain types of affection but we discussed and worked out ways that we could be affectionate towards each other comfortably.

    It can be little things like small kisses instead of making out or holding hands instead of cuddling but being open with each other and discussing it should help. Just make sure you aren't accidentally blaming each other for the distance.
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  • vpeazyvpeazy member
    I have almost no interest either, but you better believe I suck it up at least 2x a week and even fake it. It's not that long, and it makes him happy. He's very understanding if its not every week that way, if i'm tired (we have 3 kids), or whatever. And I don't do it because I have to, I just feel, like the other women have stated, that I would be beside myself if the roles were reversed and he was repulsed by my changing body.
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  • laurajj031laurajj031 member
    I feel this way sometimes... I'm hot and fat and I can barely breathe with this giant belly. I can't even hug DH without my big belly in the way. I do force myself once a week even if I'm not feeling it. Because everyone has needs and it's ok that ours are a little different right now. I need a back rub and sympathy and he needs to have sex. I haven't expressed how uncomfortable I am with my body - issues that existed prior to pregnancy that have now exploded, but DH sees them and does his best not to fuel the fire. I have enjoyed pregnancy as a whole and can't wait to have LO here. I also can't wait to feel attractive again and get my liabido back on track.
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