STM - Preparing your toddlers for a new baby

Re: STM - Preparing your toddlers for a new baby

• Maebb member

  October 2014

  I recommend posting this question on the Parenting board because they've given me good advice for these types of questions in the past, and they can probably recommend books and online resources.
  
  DS is 23 months, and I have similar concerns. DH will talk to my belly and "introduce" DS to the new baby and say things like, "This is your big brother! He's going to love you and teach you how to walk and run and ride a bike." He also encourages DS to hug my belly and say hi to his baby brother. We also got DS a doll to practice, and we correct him if he's mean to the doll.
  
  Whenever DS hits (rarely now), I stop him and say, "No, we don't hit. You need to be gentle," and then I take his hand and show him. For the clinginess, I sometimes volunteer in the nursery at church and am holding another child or at home cooking dinner or something, and I just tell him, "I can't hold you right now. Do you want to play with a toy? Do you want to read a book?" And then if he cries I ignore it, and he settles down within a minute or so. Your DS needs to get used to the fact now that you can't always hold him. Good luck!

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• [Deleted User] member

  October 2014

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• Trek3 member

  October 2014

  We got a couple of "big sister" books to read, and a doll to play with. Our first was incredibly jealous and had a super hard time adjusting. Her first reaction when she saw her new sister was to try and hit her. I would suggest that you don't talk about having to "share" things with the baby - leave this for when he is adjusted a bit and baby actually wants to share. Talk about how much fun it will be when baby is older and they can play together and go to the park together. Make up a special basket of new toys/colouring books/sticker books for him to play with while you are feeding or taking care of the baby. Let him know that you will still love him and have fun with him. Once baby arrives, get him together with the baby as much as possible (read or sing to him while feeding, spend some special time together during naps, let Dad take him to the park or out shopping, etc). He will adjust eventually and start loving the baby!!! As pp said, do NOT let him hit or control if you can hold another baby or not. He needs to realize that he is not in charge and can't control this - sooner is better as will have a lot to sort through once the baby arrives. Also, it is cheesy, but "the baby" bought her big sister a gift (book and toy), I think it helped a bit. You could also have your son help pick out something for the baby.

  DD#1 (6), DD#2 (4), DD#3 (0)

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• Edvent member

  October 2014

  My DD is only 18 months, but I ditto PP's on when he hits correcting and then showing him how to touch "nice" or "gentle". She started hitting a few months ago and within a day of showing her how to be gently (taking her hand and touching/rubbing softly) it made a huge difference in being able to redirect her. 

  
  

  We talk about "baby brother" a lot and when we do she rubs my belly because she's seen DH do it, but I know she has no clue what's going on. We also have a baby doll that she loves to take care of, and we praise her a lot and make a big deal out of it when she does anything kind or helpful. 

  

  
  

  
  

  

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• sanbry member

  October 2014

  I agree with redirecting/correcting the hitting, we did that with dd when she went through that phase and it didn't take long for her to catch on that she needed to be gentle. It also helped that she was hitting the cat and the cat nipped her
  Just talk about the baby often so he gets used to the idea. Reiterate that you love him as well.
  

  

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• storm08 member

  October 2014

  We have a few big brother books - the new baby (little critter), I'm a big brother, and on mother's lap. I'm a big brother is good for highlighting things the older sibling can do that babies can't do. My DS likes to be a big helper, and I've heard from other STM's that getting your toddler involved and feeling like a helper addresses some of the jealousy issues ie making specific baby related tasks "his" responsibility, getting a diaper or wipes for you etc. DS understands that we're waiting for the baby right now, and after reading all of those books wants a sister, knows he has to be gentle with the baby, and has to ask mommy first if he wants to hold the baby first.

  

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• letsgox member

  October 2014

  ExcitedMama2 said:

  There are a lot of books designed to be read to older siblings about welcoming a new baby.  You could also get him a doll so he could practice being gentle, and then he'd have his own baby to hold while you're taking care of the new baby.  

  
  

  I'm not sure what you mean about him not letting you carry another baby or let his dad touch you, but I'd put a stop to that real fast.  Make sure he knows that you can love on other babies/your husband/anyone and still love him, too.  

  
  

  Good luck!

  I like this. My nephew will be around this baby quite a bit and he doesn't know how to be gentle just by being told. We got him a doll and he carries it around and puts it in the mini stroller. It's adorable.

  BFP #1: 4/2/12 -- DD born 12/15/12. BFP #2: 4/1/14 -- CP. BFP #3: 4/28/14 -- EDD 1/10/15

  Jan 15  NOV siggy challenge: 

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• Ana+V member

  October 2014

  Thanks Ladies for all your suggestions I will also ask on Parenting Board

  
  

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