Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: KUFMO 29Oct14
BFP #7 (beyond surprised again!) 4/26/16. EDD 1/5/17. beautiful betas!!!! and then near-fatal hemorrhagic corpus luteum. turns out baby was ectopic after all; another lap 5/6 (@24dpo).
the universe can fuck off.
"You are overly paranoid and delusional that every one is out to get you." -lastsliverofhope
TTC#1 May 2009- July 2010 on our own with no luck
Started with RE in August 2010, dx with unexplained IF and then finally our 3rd IUI cycle using Follistim and Trigger resulted in our wonderful little man. Born 12/2/11
TTC#2 Never really prevented, but were careful early on as Dr. reccomended
Surprise BFP 12/16/13, started progesterone immediately as first numbers came back low, but betas were good. Progesterone wasnt enough. Natural MC 12/24/13.
Back with RE as of January 2014...
5/27/14- Chemical Pregnancy
April 2015 IVF#1
5/13/15- BFP, please stick LO!
Oh and I'm a major Harry Potter Nerd
DH has to get another SA next week before we will know if we can go forward with an IUI. His last one was 2012. I'm hoping he's stayed away from hot tubs for the last 3 months!
Kid #1 - 09/03/12
Hysteroscopy #10 - scar tissue grew back reblocking my right tube
#11 or IVF with scarring still inside?
1 lone embryo from September 2016 retreival, dx with Trisomy 16, starting fresh
Finally got a call back from my practice. Follow up appt will be 11/10.
TTC #3 since June 2013
BFP #1 7/21/2013--EDD 3/30/14--D&C 9/24/13
BFP #2 1/28/14--MC 2/7/14
IUI #1 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
IUI #2 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
IUI #3 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
PCOS and MF
Two failed rounds IUI in 2010
IVF #1 in 2011 - BFP 8/5/11 - Our IVF miracle was born 4/8/12
FET 9/23/13; BFP -Twins-10/3/13; EDD 6/10/14; MC 11/1/13; D&C 11/4/13
FET 3/28/14; BFN - 4/7/14
IVF #2 - Transfer 2 embryos 11/14/14; BFP 11/24/14 - Beta 265;
11/26/14 - Beta 612; 11/28/14 - Beta 1263; 12/1/14 - Beta 3571;
12/3/14 - first u/s - two gestational sacs; 12/17/14 - two healthy heartbeats (132 and 134)
Our IVF miracles were born 7/16/15
We've been down about the s/a but I think it allowed me to let go of some of my naive hope, which was healthy. The chance of conceiving naturally is so ridiculously low that I feel like I can let go a little bit. I think I'm just done with 2IF (the IF part- not the board so much!).
TTC#1 May 2009- July 2010 on our own with no luck
Started with RE in August 2010, dx with unexplained IF and then finally our 3rd IUI cycle using Follistim and Trigger resulted in our wonderful little man. Born 12/2/11
TTC#2 Never really prevented, but were careful early on as Dr. reccomended
Surprise BFP 12/16/13, started progesterone immediately as first numbers came back low, but betas were good. Progesterone wasnt enough. Natural MC 12/24/13.
Back with RE as of January 2014...
5/27/14- Chemical Pregnancy
April 2015 IVF#1
5/13/15- BFP, please stick LO!
Oh and I'm a major Harry Potter Nerd
TTC#1 May 2009- July 2010 on our own with no luck
Started with RE in August 2010, dx with unexplained IF and then finally our 3rd IUI cycle using Follistim and Trigger resulted in our wonderful little man. Born 12/2/11
TTC#2 Never really prevented, but were careful early on as Dr. reccomended
Surprise BFP 12/16/13, started progesterone immediately as first numbers came back low, but betas were good. Progesterone wasnt enough. Natural MC 12/24/13.
Back with RE as of January 2014...
5/27/14- Chemical Pregnancy
April 2015 IVF#1
5/13/15- BFP, please stick LO!
Oh and I'm a major Harry Potter Nerd
Rainbow Surprise Baby due 05/26/2017
TTC#1 May 2009- July 2010 on our own with no luck
Started with RE in August 2010, dx with unexplained IF and then finally our 3rd IUI cycle using Follistim and Trigger resulted in our wonderful little man. Born 12/2/11
TTC#2 Never really prevented, but were careful early on as Dr. reccomended
Surprise BFP 12/16/13, started progesterone immediately as first numbers came back low, but betas were good. Progesterone wasnt enough. Natural MC 12/24/13.
Back with RE as of January 2014...
5/27/14- Chemical Pregnancy
April 2015 IVF#1
5/13/15- BFP, please stick LO!
Oh and I'm a major Harry Potter Nerd
I guess I'm eligible to join the fun this cycle? Details are in my signature, but as soon as my HCG is negative, I start BCPs for December IVF.
Me: 41, DH: 45
DD, 6/15/2013
TTC #2 beginning January 2014
AMH 1.05; FSH range 7-11
July 2014: IUI #1. Follistim + Pregnyl. 2 follicles--BFN
September 2014: IUI #2. Follistim + Pregnyl + Ganirelix + Crinone. 4(?) follicles--BFN
October 2014: IUI #3. More Follistim + More Ganirelix + Pregnyl + Crinone. 4 follicles--BFP! Beta #1=10 Beta #2=33 Beta #3=97 Beta #4=158. M/C 11/1/14
December 2014: IVF #1. Microdose Lupron protocol. 9R, 9M, 9F. 3 5-day blasts transferred 12/15. BFFN.
August 2015: IVF #3. 14R, 13M, 11F. Froze 5 blasts for CCS testing. 3 normals. FET planned for 10/2015.
My Ovulation Chart
TTC#1 May 2009- July 2010 on our own with no luck
Started with RE in August 2010, dx with unexplained IF and then finally our 3rd IUI cycle using Follistim and Trigger resulted in our wonderful little man. Born 12/2/11
TTC#2 Never really prevented, but were careful early on as Dr. reccomended
Surprise BFP 12/16/13, started progesterone immediately as first numbers came back low, but betas were good. Progesterone wasnt enough. Natural MC 12/24/13.
Back with RE as of January 2014...
5/27/14- Chemical Pregnancy
April 2015 IVF#1
5/13/15- BFP, please stick LO!
Oh and I'm a major Harry Potter Nerd
Me: 41, DH: 45
DD, 6/15/2013
TTC #2 beginning January 2014
AMH 1.05; FSH range 7-11
July 2014: IUI #1. Follistim + Pregnyl. 2 follicles--BFN
September 2014: IUI #2. Follistim + Pregnyl + Ganirelix + Crinone. 4(?) follicles--BFN
October 2014: IUI #3. More Follistim + More Ganirelix + Pregnyl + Crinone. 4 follicles--BFP! Beta #1=10 Beta #2=33 Beta #3=97 Beta #4=158. M/C 11/1/14
December 2014: IVF #1. Microdose Lupron protocol. 9R, 9M, 9F. 3 5-day blasts transferred 12/15. BFFN.
August 2015: IVF #3. 14R, 13M, 11F. Froze 5 blasts for CCS testing. 3 normals. FET planned for 10/2015.
My Ovulation Chart
BFP #7 (beyond surprised again!) 4/26/16. EDD 1/5/17. beautiful betas!!!! and then near-fatal hemorrhagic corpus luteum. turns out baby was ectopic after all; another lap 5/6 (@24dpo).
the universe can fuck off.
"You are overly paranoid and delusional that every one is out to get you." -lastsliverofhope
Me: 41, DH: 45
DD, 6/15/2013
TTC #2 beginning January 2014
AMH 1.05; FSH range 7-11
July 2014: IUI #1. Follistim + Pregnyl. 2 follicles--BFN
September 2014: IUI #2. Follistim + Pregnyl + Ganirelix + Crinone. 4(?) follicles--BFN
October 2014: IUI #3. More Follistim + More Ganirelix + Pregnyl + Crinone. 4 follicles--BFP! Beta #1=10 Beta #2=33 Beta #3=97 Beta #4=158. M/C 11/1/14
December 2014: IVF #1. Microdose Lupron protocol. 9R, 9M, 9F. 3 5-day blasts transferred 12/15. BFFN.
August 2015: IVF #3. 14R, 13M, 11F. Froze 5 blasts for CCS testing. 3 normals. FET planned for 10/2015.
My Ovulation Chart
Me: 41, DH: 45
DD, 6/15/2013
TTC #2 beginning January 2014
AMH 1.05; FSH range 7-11
July 2014: IUI #1. Follistim + Pregnyl. 2 follicles--BFN
September 2014: IUI #2. Follistim + Pregnyl + Ganirelix + Crinone. 4(?) follicles--BFN
October 2014: IUI #3. More Follistim + More Ganirelix + Pregnyl + Crinone. 4 follicles--BFP! Beta #1=10 Beta #2=33 Beta #3=97 Beta #4=158. M/C 11/1/14
December 2014: IVF #1. Microdose Lupron protocol. 9R, 9M, 9F. 3 5-day blasts transferred 12/15. BFFN.
August 2015: IVF #3. 14R, 13M, 11F. Froze 5 blasts for CCS testing. 3 normals. FET planned for 10/2015.
My Ovulation Chart
TTC#1 May 2009- July 2010 on our own with no luck
Started with RE in August 2010, dx with unexplained IF and then finally our 3rd IUI cycle using Follistim and Trigger resulted in our wonderful little man. Born 12/2/11
TTC#2 Never really prevented, but were careful early on as Dr. reccomended
Surprise BFP 12/16/13, started progesterone immediately as first numbers came back low, but betas were good. Progesterone wasnt enough. Natural MC 12/24/13.
Back with RE as of January 2014...
5/27/14- Chemical Pregnancy
April 2015 IVF#1
5/13/15- BFP, please stick LO!
Oh and I'm a major Harry Potter Nerd
Me: 41, DH: 45
DD, 6/15/2013
TTC #2 beginning January 2014
AMH 1.05; FSH range 7-11
July 2014: IUI #1. Follistim + Pregnyl. 2 follicles--BFN
September 2014: IUI #2. Follistim + Pregnyl + Ganirelix + Crinone. 4(?) follicles--BFN
October 2014: IUI #3. More Follistim + More Ganirelix + Pregnyl + Crinone. 4 follicles--BFP! Beta #1=10 Beta #2=33 Beta #3=97 Beta #4=158. M/C 11/1/14
December 2014: IVF #1. Microdose Lupron protocol. 9R, 9M, 9F. 3 5-day blasts transferred 12/15. BFFN.
August 2015: IVF #3. 14R, 13M, 11F. Froze 5 blasts for CCS testing. 3 normals. FET planned for 10/2015.
My Ovulation Chart
Well so much for November IVF/ICS #4 one day work up.
Not going to happen, blah
Spontaneous pregnancy #1
DD1 July 31, 2011
Trying for #2 since Oct 11
Spontaneous pregnancy #2= Ectopic #2= lost left tube
Spontaneous pregnancy #3= DD2 January 29, 2016
Spontaneous pregnancy #4= Ectopic #3
Spontaneous pregnancy #5= Baby #3 is a BOY!!!
October 2011 - DS (7)
July 2014 - Stillborn DD (24 weeks)
August 2015 - DD (3)
April 2018 - 5 week loss
Me: 41, DH: 45
DD, 6/15/2013
TTC #2 beginning January 2014
AMH 1.05; FSH range 7-11
July 2014: IUI #1. Follistim + Pregnyl. 2 follicles--BFN
September 2014: IUI #2. Follistim + Pregnyl + Ganirelix + Crinone. 4(?) follicles--BFN
October 2014: IUI #3. More Follistim + More Ganirelix + Pregnyl + Crinone. 4 follicles--BFP! Beta #1=10 Beta #2=33 Beta #3=97 Beta #4=158. M/C 11/1/14
December 2014: IVF #1. Microdose Lupron protocol. 9R, 9M, 9F. 3 5-day blasts transferred 12/15. BFFN.
August 2015: IVF #3. 14R, 13M, 11F. Froze 5 blasts for CCS testing. 3 normals. FET planned for 10/2015.
My Ovulation Chart
BFP #7 (beyond surprised again!) 4/26/16. EDD 1/5/17. beautiful betas!!!! and then near-fatal hemorrhagic corpus luteum. turns out baby was ectopic after all; another lap 5/6 (@24dpo).
the universe can fuck off.
"You are overly paranoid and delusional that every one is out to get you." -lastsliverofhope
DH decided at the last minute I should not fly out for the ODWU or to see him.
He was upset thinking I was only going to visit him because of the ODWU, which was not the truth. I am tired of this yes no yes no yes no, ugh.
BFP #7 (beyond surprised again!) 4/26/16. EDD 1/5/17. beautiful betas!!!! and then near-fatal hemorrhagic corpus luteum. turns out baby was ectopic after all; another lap 5/6 (@24dpo).
the universe can fuck off.
"You are overly paranoid and delusional that every one is out to get you." -lastsliverofhope