What do you do when it all comes crashing down...

mayfateleadyou · October 2014

I know I don't post often enough for anyone to even recognize me but I am a very regular lurker. My life has been hectic and emotional since finding out I am pregnant. I had just left my husband right before I got pregnant. Due to that, I lost contact with majority of the people I considered a friend. Less then a yr ago I lost all visitations with my nephew I had raised for 5 yrs. (which is where my down spiral started) Yesterday my mom died. I am literally feeling like I am at my breaking point. I am 18 weeks pregnant and alone for the most part and my emotions are tense. I am trying to keep myself calm but I actually just stormed out of my parents house after cussing my sister out for suddenly coming back in the picture acting like she ran things when she didnt give a crap about my mom. I am hurting so bad I can't stop crying. This is my fourth pregnancy and none of them have gotten this far but I am scared the stress I am under and the grief I am feeling is going to cause harm. I don't know what to do. For the record I have started seeing a therapist a few weeks ago but she is 5 hrs away from where I am right this second and looks like I'll be missing this weeks appointment because they decided to schedule the memorial (which my mother didn't even want) for Friday. I don't even know if I should be goin to it but feel like I should for my dad even though I know I just pissed him off by going off on my sister.

**plz excuse any bad grammar or spelling, I don't text well and am on my phone and VERY emotional at the moment**

bowman958 · October 2014

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom and the craziness in your life at this time. Please call your therapist and let him or her know what is going on. You may be able to have a session over the phone and get some good insight for navigating the struggle you're facing right now.

Also, do you have a church, synagogue or other faith based group that you could reach out to? Sometimes being connected to people who share your faith can give you some sense of calm in the storm. All the best to you.

MitoRachel · October 2014

Here are some creepy internet ((hugs)). You have a LOT to deal with right now. Besides trying to just deal with things moment by moment, do you think your therapist would do a phone or skype consult? Just to try to help you get through the week? If you are capable of cooling down, I would try to talk to your sister and Dad again, and apologize for losing your cool. They're stressed and you're stressed, which means everybody is likely to act a little bit like an idiot for a while. The more you can be the bigger person, the better.

redneckmomma25 · October 2014

Hugs, lady. I think everyone handles stress and grief in their own way. We each have coping mechanisms. I am sorry that you are going through all this at once and by yourself. I don't think there is anything that can be said right now to help you feel better. Time will heal. But right now, in the moment you are suffocating so it doesn't feel that way. I wish I had some advice for you. I'm glad you have a therapist to talk to. You will be in my thoughts.

mayfateleadyou · October 2014

I figured I would call my therapist tomorrow to see if I can do my appointment over the phone and I plan on speaking to my dad. The sister on the other hand I am still having some pretty nasty thoughts towards and don't think I could keep my temper. I feel bad about flipping out in front of my dad with the stress he is under. That one I know I did wrong, I had just kept in all day and finally broke. And the faith thing isn't something I've felt strongly about for a few yrs, so no I don't have any groups like that.

mayfateleadyou · October 2014

And I am only in town visiting because of the loss.

saltymcsnarkerson · October 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss - big internet hugs to you.

Babykells3 · October 2014

I have no different advice to give other then what the previous ladies have suggested. I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss and you and your family with be in my thoughts and prayers!

lexyraejay · October 2014

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom and I can't even imagine going through the trials you're experiencing right now. Definitely get in touch with your therapist to get his or her assistance. For whatever it's worth, the memorial service is more for the sake of those left behind than those who've passed on. I'm sure your dad and sister would understand your outburst if you explain your state of mind and ask their pardon. Surely, they would appreciate your attendance at the memorial. And even though you might not realize it now, the memorial service could be a useful part of your own grieving process. Sending prayers your way.

jborgia · October 2014

I'm so sorry for everything your going through.

missab · October 2014

I'm very sorry for your loss.

lantzysa · October 2014

Just wanted to say that I'm sorry you are going through all of this. You are stronger than you know and you will get through this dark time. Lean on those that you trust and love and be kind to yourself.

fartsandcrafts · October 2014

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Lean on, cry with, and relive memories with your Dad and any other close family or friends as much as you can. Grief is a long process but eventually, I promise, the pain will feel less severe. Also, focus on that tiny little being inside of you - a piece of your mom will live on through your little one.

And although every thing may be crashing down, keep pushing through. There will be days in the future when you look back with pride for the strength you had during this difficult time. It will get better. Take care of yourself. Sending so much love!

angelfish628 · October 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree with the PPs - lean on the people you trust for support and also try to talk to your therapist over the phone. Although I can't imagine what you're going through, I know that time will make things easier. Try your best to take care of yourself and your LO. (Hugs)

bsdub · October 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my father suddenly a few years ago and I can let you know that eventually this loss will make you a stronger and more self-aware person, even if that's not how you feel right now.

I can tell you that everyone grieves different. My brother and I were on two separate pages with our grieving, but at the end of the day you are all family and you lost a huge part of your heart. Try to be there for your dad, and bear your sister as much as you can for the moment.

I think @bowman958‌ is right - try and get your therapist over the phone - they will talk to you, and help navigate you through this process.

I wish you so much peace and strength in the days to come. You have such a huge struggle and I think you will be a stronger person at the end of this for yourself and your children.

Huge hugs

Yaz14 · October 2014

All PPs have given great advice. I just want to offer my condolences on the loss of your mum.

c+est+la+vie · October 2014

I have nothing additional to add to all of the great responses from PPs. I am so sorry for your loss.

LowTalker23 · October 2014

So sorry to hear all of this. Take care of yourself the best you can. Hugs.

justyouraveragemama · October 2014

I agree with PPs, and I don't have any other advice to give but I'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

caridura84 · October 2014

I'm so very sorry for your loss and everything else you're experiencing. I agree with PP try seeing if you can do a phone session. Take a warm bath and clear your mind. Sending warm hugs to you and hope and pray things turn around for you.

theinvadermothership · October 2014

Very sorry for your loss. It's hard, i know, but you gotta try to keep your head up for your little one. It's okay to grieve. It's okay to feel sad. But definitely call your therapist and set something up. I think talking things out will give you perspective.

I wish you all the luck and am sending you strength to keep going!!

Duffgurl · October 2014

I just wanted to say I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. It is never easy to lose a parent. This time will be difficult for you. I'm not going to lie. You really just need to surround yourself with people whom love and care about you. I wish you the best through this very difficult time. ::Big Hugs::

picklesx · October 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss and that you are feeling so low. Call your therapist - with the death of your mother and your emotional state at this stage, I am more than sure s/he will take a call even before your scheduled session. It's what they do.

I hope that you are able to find peace and to work out your feelings. Things will get better, even though it doesn't seem like if right now.

I'll be thinking of you.

JJBoden · October 2014

((Hugs)) so sorry things are so tough right now.

ElizabethSwann · October 2014

I am so sorry for your loss, and everything else you are enduring during this difficult time.

KellyA724 · October 2014

I am so sorry for your loss - you've been dealt some tough blows. You'll be in my thoughts.

jk3610 · October 2014

Sorry for your loss and that you're going through a tough time. Just check in with your therapist next time you're able to and take care of yourself.

islandmom79 · October 2014

I am sorry for your loss and sorry you are dealing with so much right now. Try to take one day at a time and focus on the good things. Hope you are able to have some time with your therapist soon.

dadalou · October 2014

I'm sorry for your loss and everything else that you are going through right now. Is there a friend or family member that you can talk to if you are not able to talk to your therapist? Talking to anyone might help.

Grieving is hard and long. You are probably going to clash with your family members a lot for a while. Everyone grieves differently and what helps one will not help another. Don't rush yourself or let others rush you.

While the memorial service might not be what your mom wanted it might be good for you to go. Everyone there will be grieving and remembering your mom.

MamaRose81 · October 2014

Will be praying for you... hugs

mayfateleadyou · October 2014

Sorry for the late response. I honestly fell asleep crying shortly after posting. I spoke to my therapist office and over the phone sessions are not technically legal was what I was told. So I just ended up canceling this week's appointment. I did speak to my dad and will be at the memorial on Friday for him. Thank you so much for the support you ladies poured out to me. It truly means a lot. I know right now I just need to focus on keeping myself calm so I'm keeping my distance from the house till after the memorial. Thank you again for all of y'all's kind words.

OliveMom3 · October 2014

I'm so sorry about your moms passing. I hope you can surround yourself with people who love and support you. You are in my thoughts.

angiekdz · November 2014

I am so sorry for your pain. Pain has so many effects on us, and unfortunately we don't get to pick our pain, only how we respond to it. I pray that you will find peace, strength, and forgiveness during this time. When everything around you seems to be crazy, choose love. Wishing you the best!

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