What are your biggest worries?

NeonNoon · September 2014

I'm sure FTM and experienced moms will have differing perspectives. What are your biggest non-health-related worries about the arrival of your new baby or babies?

My biggest FTM worries are:

1. Sleep deprivation - I love my sleep and I'm not sure how I'll cope

2. Learning to adjust to a new lifestyle while having boundary-challenged grandparents from out of town (all 4, but luckily not at once); dealing with their 'advice' and 'help'.

3. Social isolation and post-partum depression after all the guests have left

.. right now I'm busy overwhelming myself with buying baby books and not having enough time to read them!

JilliansMoma · September 2014

@NeonNoon the single best thing I ever did for myself was buy blackout fabric curtains for the nursery. I don't know if it confuses them or not but my kids have all slept like champions! (I'm probably jinxing myself for #4!)

My biggest worry for this LO is that it is the first baby we didn't plan a due date around and I am having it in the middle of cold an flu season. On top of the fact that when I really need my DH to be on mat leave with me (yikes I have 4 kids!!) he'll be right in the thick of it at work. (He is in education and has June, July, and some of August off so he's always been on mat leave with me) I guess I will hopefully have my mom and mother-in-law around to help me out!

Your worries are valid but I hope that you find LO just fits right into your lifestyle. With my first she was my little sidekick and I just packed her up and took her with me so I really didn't feel any social isolation. I guess it depends on what you did pre-baby though. :-)

mandyreads · September 2014

I think it is sleep for me. It has been 7 yrs since our last was an infant and since she learned to sleep through the night I did also. I love to sleep in on weekends and now I know it isn't un the cards anymore. I miss sleeping in. Miss.It!

Samuelismomma · September 2014

I think for me it is preterm labor and maybe sleep deprivation , my ds slept through night so hopefully she will too. Then again since I was lucky with him she might be a little terror! Hahaha

marijaa333 · September 2014

1. Health of the baby

2. Bringing up a decent human being

3. Labor going awry

2ndGeneration · September 2014

JilliansMoma said:

@NeonNoon the single best thing I ever did for myself was buy blackout fabric curtains for the nursery. I don't know if it confuses them or not but my kids have all slept like champions! (I'm probably jinxing myself for #4!)

My biggest worry for this LO is that it is the first baby we didn't plan a due date around and I am having it in the middle of cold an flu season. On top of the fact that when I really need my DH to be on mat leave with me (yikes I have 4 kids!!) he'll be right in the thick of it at work. (He is in education and has June, July, and some of August off so he's always been on mat leave with me) I guess I will hopefully have my mom and mother-in-law around to help me out!

Your worries are valid but I hope that you find LO just fits right into your lifestyle. With my first she was my little sidekick and I just packed her up and took her with me so I really didn't feel any social isolation. I guess it depends on what you did pre-baby though. :-)

My kids are spaced pretty similar to yours, and I want to encourage you-you'd be suprised how much help the 7 and 4 yo ones can be! My oldest was my right arm, I like to say, helping me with the little kids. Things like pouring cereal for the kids while I nursed baby. The youngers kept each other entertained (mostly lol) so I could care for baby. I think baby 4 and 5 was MUCH easier than 2 or 3 kids believe it or not!!!

I hear you on the cold and flu thing-I'm worried too. Now that my kids are big they are out in the world and tracking in who knows what all germs, ugh.

jcrising · September 2014

My biggest concerns with LO#1 was healthy baby, pain of labor, and irrational fear of SIDS and other random health problems. I think a lot of this is normal. I still check on my baby girl at night before I go to sleep to make sure she's breathing... just a habit; I don't have any real fears about her being safe in her crib anymore.

Now, at 44 and pregnant with #2, my biggest fear is just being able to keep up with the kids as I get older, and finding time to stay in shape to do so. Working fulltime with two LOs won't be easy, so that's my fear at the moment...

itsmevkb · September 2014

I think my biggest fear is just logistics. Where is a fifth baby going to sleep in our little three bedroom house? Where is yet another car seat going to fit in my car (which seats 7 but it's a tight squeeze even without car seats) and my husband needs an entirely new car. How will I ever be able to get all the kids anywhere at the same time, lugging around that car seat again, while still trying to make sure the little ones don't run off? And, I'm also concerned about making sure my two older children don't feel too burdened by having a new baby around again.

lgsdesigner · September 2014

You know...I am a lot less scared this round since my new husband is awesome, and I know he will help out a ton. My ex was horrible. Never helped get the baby in the middle of the night, never wanted to change a diaper, etc.

But-- my fears are still present. Here are the top:

- Not being invited to any social events, or being about to attend them. With three kids, no one wants to watch all of them, and a lot of people don't even consider inviting you because they assume you are "too busy".

- A selfish one: Never getting my body back. When I got pg, I was fit, but it took me a looong time to get my body back after my DD. I am afraid this time, it won't happen.

- The other kids not treating this one the same because he/she is a half-sibling.

harmonicbabe26 · September 2014

1. Dealing with two kids (one of whom I already know is a nutjob) with zero help. - we have no relatives who could help, DH travels all the time and works crazy hours 2. Lack of sleep 3. Recovering from a csection while doing all of this. Oh and editing this to add 4. Lack of time to do what I want, as in just read shit on the internet, watch House Hunters etc... No doubt with 2 kids to take care of pretty much always all by myself it will be impossible.

jcdorsey74 · September 2014

1. Sleep deprivation @JilliansMoma, I am so going to try the black out fabric. Thanks for sharing!

2. Me finding the energy to chase a toddler and a newborn.

3. SIDS @jcrising, I didn't sleep the first year after Rafe was born because I kept checking on him to see if he was breathing. He was a preemie and a male, which I read have a higher chance of SIDS...so...yeah...

marijaa333 · September 2014

lgsdesigner You are so going to get your body back! You already have not only a great husband who will helps with the baby but also a workout partner. Combine all that with breastfeeding and you'll be in your skinny jeans in no time.

BabyBliss76 · September 2014

1. csection

I have had all 3 of my girls vaginal without drugs. Well the first I got a shot of something that did nothing. Lol! I have not had any surgeries before so this scares me! Plus I really do not want an epidural! Call me crazy that's ok. Lol!

2. Post-partum depression

Had it after my 2nd, but did not after my 3rd. Thank God! It still worries me that it might happen again, but if it does I know what to do.

3. Just getting my house ready for a 4th kid.

I have no idea where to put everyone. We need a bigger house!

mattandlora · September 2014

I'm worried about how I'll juggle 2 under 2 once this baby comes along. We also have extra family living with us right now for an undetermined amount of time. They're welcome to stay as long as they want, but I worry about how we'll juggle bedroom space. We have a plan, but it is going to take a lot of moving furniture. I also worry about work. I am the only person who does my job and it is very specialized, so it won't be easy to find someone to replace me temporarily either. I know I won't lose my job. I just worry how it will get done while I'm out.

Sharon&Paul · September 2014

I worry about finances. We send our kids to Catholic school and the expense with number four is getting very high. I am currently working FT, but really feel like I am needed in the household now. We are putting our house on the market in the Spring with hopes of downsizing to cut some expenses.

Cunningbottom · October 2014

My biggest fear is how i will be treated if i need to transfer to the hospital since i am planning a homebirth with #2. My first i was treated horribly and will not tolerate the same again.

KirstenAlecia · October 2014

This is so so selfish but Since I'm not in the best of shape and Im overweight I worry about the ability to get back in shape.

I don't feel good when I'm heavy and I want to feel like i have the energy and stamina to raise the LO.

When i had my daughter 18 years ago i was a thin young thing and bounced back like it was nothing.........i know thats not going to happen this time.

I do walk 4.5 miles a day right now. Im about to make my diet as healthy as i can. We will see if i can gain a max of 15 pounds this pregnancy

niknak1208 · October 2014

"@"lgsdesigner.. I worry about being fit too. Seems like a silly thing to worry about but I do. It took me a year after my son was born almost 6 years ago to lose 50lbs. I was super super fit when I got pregnant with my daughter but I was high risk so I couldn't be active really and I gained a ton of weight. I was so fat afterwards. lol I think I actually gained a little more after birth too because I was off work for so long and sleep deprived and I didn't eat regular meals or get regular work outs. She's turning 2 this week. I literally just finished losing 60lbs! I just did my first 5k this summer. I was just going to start getting into crossfit. I was really really excited about that. I've gained 5lbs already! Because I'm exhausted and nauseous all the time. I worry about being able to get my level of fitness back with three little ones at home and working full time!

"@"Sharon&Paul..Finances is a big one for me too. I am a huge planner and we didn't plan this one. I work full time and I already pay $230/week in daycare just for full time day care for my DD and latchkey for my DS. Adding another baby will have us paying about $400/week in childcare. NUTS! I worry about being able to save for college. We just now opened college savings accounts for our kids and we haven't been able to put a ton of money into them yet and I worry about being able to do anything at all with three kids. Yikes!

I have all the normal worries of being pregnant after a history of losses. I go to the doctor tomorrow and I'm scared that something will be wrong. Every early miscarriage I've had has happened around 4-5 weeks. I'm 8 weeks now and I've never had issues after 6 weeks aside from our late loss at almost 20 weeks. I'm just a huge ball of nerves!

I worry about not being able to sell our house. (It's for sale right now for the SECOND time!). It's been on the market for almost 3 weeks. Not a single showing yet. We listed it a year ago for about 6 months.. not a single showing. I know it's our price. It's too high but we owe too much on it to come down much. Our house is very nice. We've spent a ton of money renovating it but I know our price is too high per sq ft. Soo I'm just envisioning us moving our master bedroom to the basement playroom and having all three kids upstairs.

I worry about being able to spend equal time with each kid. My DD is turning 2 on Thursday and she's a little mamma's girl. She does NOT like to share me at all. My hubby asked her if she wanted a girl or a boy and she said 'No, my mamma!". lol I try to have 'date days' with both of my kids separately but having a baby makes that hard because they're so dependent on you.

Ugh. So many worries. I'm trying to relax and have a positive attitude and realize that God has this! He won't give us more than we can handle right? lol At least that's what I keep telling myself.

harmonicbabe26 · October 2014

KirstenAlecia said:
This is so so selfish but Since I'm not in the best of shape and Im overweight I worry about the ability to get back in shape.

I don't feel good when I'm heavy and I want to feel like i have the energy and stamina to raise the LO.
When i had my daughter 18 years ago i was a thin young thing and bounced back like it was nothing.........i know thats not going to happen this time.

I do walk 4.5 miles a day right now. Im about to make my diet as healthy as i can. We will see if i can gain a max of 15 pounds this pregnancy

Don't feel selfish about thinking this! I was skinny before getting pregnant and I worry about the same. I know it will be tough to find time to exercise because I will have 2 kids to care for pretty much all by myself (MH has a horribly demanding work schedule). I guess going slow and giving yourself plenty time to slim down will be key. Oh and I have not worked out a single time since I got preggers bc I was super sick at first and too tired later, and I eat a lot of donuts... So you're already further ahead of me!

mdogan29 · October 2014

These are all great! I'm glad to see I'm not alone in my fears, as irrational as some of them seem!

1. Being financially stable enough to be a SAHM and continue working from home part-time/whenever I can/want to.

2. Not being like my parents and (like @marijaa333) bringing up decent human being(s).

3. The sleeping one -- either not getting enough b/c I'll be up taking care of the baby (I love sleeping in on weekends too!) or be too terrified to sleep b/c I want to watch him closely to make sure he's breathing. Not sure where this fear is coming from...

KirstenAlecia · October 2014

harmonicbabe26 said:

This is so so selfish but Since I'm not in the best of shape and Im overweight I worry about the ability to get back in shape.

I don't feel good when I'm heavy and I want to feel like i have the energy and stamina to raise the LO.
When i had my daughter 18 years ago i was a thin young thing and bounced back like it was nothing.........i know thats not going to happen this time.

I do walk 4.5 miles a day right now. Im about to make my diet as healthy as i can. We will see if i can gain a max of 15 pounds this pregnancy
Don't feel selfish about thinking this! I was skinny before getting pregnant and I worry about the same. I know it will be tough to find time to exercise because I will have 2 kids to care for pretty much all by myself (MH has a horribly demanding work schedule). I guess going slow and giving yourself plenty time to slim down will be key. Oh and I have not worked out a single time since I got preggers bc I was super sick at first and too tired later, and I eat a lot of donuts... So you're already further ahead of me!

I think the reason i feel this is selfish is because we were sort of NPNT with the baby thing at the moment. We have been NPNT for a very long time and the fact that it had not happened i felt like i would have time to lose.......and then boom...PG. I was feeling a mixture of disappointment ( a couple more months would have been nice) but also happy because i had began to think it was possible H and I would be without children...and he deserves to be a dad.

So knowing that we really may have gotten lucky and not to dwell too much on my own body image issues......but i feel just awful so its hard. The weight i hold right now makes me feel yucky.

What are your biggest worries?

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