Bringing LO to large family Christmas party

MrsTuna08 · October 2014

DH and I went to a baby care basics class yesterday and they recommended not taking LO to any place where there would be a lot of people until they have had their 2 month shots. Meaning no malls, church, airports, etc... That's all fine. Except she also recommended not taking LO to a large family gathering. Well my family of about 30 has a family gathering a few days after Christmas and we are most certainly expected to go. We live 3 hours away and this will be the first time that most of my extended family will get to see her. I am due a few days before Thanksgiving so I don't have to worry about being expected to show up for that holiday. DH's family is smaller and they aren't really party people so we won't have an issue on his side.

I think taking LO at a month old to a large family gathering is just fine as long as we use common sense - ask people to wash hands before touching her, don't let sick people hold her, and don't let the small children handle her. DH thinks that this nurse's word should be law and we should skip the Christmas party (he said they could wait to see her until Easter). We plan on asking the pediatrician to weigh in (which is our compromise for now), but what does the board think? I'd appreciate some non-biased opinions. Am I being too lax or is DH being too overprotective?

Side note - I am the one who has done all of the reading for the baby prep and coming from a large family I am comfortable dealing with and caring for babies. The only reason we took this stupid 3-hour class is because DH has not read anything to prepare and has virtually no experience with babies - I really wanted him to have an idea of what we were getting into. I'm a bit peeved that he goes to one class and takes this tidbit as gospel.

Maelara · October 2014

I would take the area you going to into consideration. If there are any outbreaks (measles, whopping cough, etc) I wouldn't go. Otherwise, I would. I'm not a bar myself at home type of person either. You can always wear her too and less people will hold her that way as well.

lizgrace03 · October 2014

I would plan to attend the party. We are taking our LO (due Friday) to thanksgiving and Christmas with family, even planning to fly for Christmas. Just use common sense like you mentioned. I don't think keeping LO out of public spaces for 2 months is realistic.

k1911 · October 2014

Ugh I'm also in the EXACT same boat. DH's family is having their annual Christmas party potentially just a few weeks after she is born. Depending on when she is born, could be sooner or later. They invite EVERYONE (family, friends, EVERYONE - could be 50-60 people, children too), and I really wish they weren't doing it this year. It kinda pisses me off. This is only the second year they have done it and they know the baby is coming just weeks before. They could have at least tried to keep it a bit smaller. MIL is so excited for everyone to meet baby and I'm just like uhhhhhh, might not come! Sorry! I know she will expect a ton of help too (last year I made a million things) but sorry, not happening this year. It will be impossible for me to make sure every single person has washed their hands and I know I will be a ball of anxiety the whole time worrying about who is holding her and if they are sick. She will just be sooo young

. I'm not ready to share her with the world yet. I'm so not comfortable with this. I think I may bring her for an hour or two at the most and then go home. DH can stay but I won't be comfortable with all those people around her.

howin23 · October 2014

I'm guessing most of us on here are facing a similar decision. My husband and I have decided to skip the party because with 25+ people at that time of year someone is always sick, and we don't want to be in an enclosed space for several hours with someone who is sick. Sure, we could ask everyone to wash their hands, but I just have a bad feeling that LO would end up sick and that would set us all back. Having said that, our immediate families will likely end up coming to us instead.

I do see your point in wanting to go, but would also consider how you and your husband will react if he gives in, you go, and LO gets sick. Just a thought.

moroccojade · October 2014

Well, a pretty bad place for a baby to be is in a hospital... But where are most of them born? In a germy hospital. :P

Use some common sense... Take some basic precautions and I think you will be just fine. A carrier is always a good idea.

JustJainey · October 2014

Same situation here too. Probably at least 30+ people at the Christmas party and for most it will be their first time meeting LO, since it is 8hrs away (not looking forward to that drive, but will cross that bridge when we come to it). I'm thinking of baby wearing and will be breastfeeding so that should cut down on a lot of the passing around. If any one is obviously sick I expect they'll keep their distance. I have no issue politely explaining if necessary but I don't anticipate having to really do that much *fingers crossed*.

JamieK1882 · October 2014

Same situation only WE are the hosts. Luckily we don't have many young kids, but I know LO will get passed around like crazy. Will just use common sense. Also the grandparents and siblings all got the flu shot and Tdap and the majority of our family gets the flu shot too.

moroccojade · October 2014

WildFlower810 said:

@MoroccoJade - I think you win the thread.

<:-P

soulcupcake · October 2014

My eldest was born on 12/8, and I took her to a big family gathering for X-Mas. I wore her in a carrier 99% of the time while I was there. No issues at all.

MissN06 · October 2014

I vote got to Christmas. I'm having LO baptized December 13 and she's due Nov. 11. Currently 30 family members are coming in for it. I'm doing it because then my grandmother can fly in from NV for both it and my cousins wedding the following weekend.

PennyLane26 · October 2014

Lots of good advice so far!

I think most of us will be in a similar dilemma. I won't be keeping DS home, but I will wear him the whole time and not allow any baby passing, that may seem extreme, but at least it's not as extreme as skipping the party altogether!

Also, just for peace of mind… what the nurse says is true, that babies are in a precarious situation until their 2 month shots, however if you are able to primarily breastfeed, you'll pass on LOTS of protective antibodies to baby. Not quite as strong as a vaccine, but pretty helpful in the mean time! If this is applicable, you should be sure to share that info with your DH to make him feel better.

(Edited because I am the grammar police)

mb314 · October 2014

I would go., but I would wear your LO so as to cut down in the opportunity for people to hold them. By keeping him bundled up on your chest people can't get too close. DS2 is 2 weeks already and we have made several outings to restaurants, the zoo, the store, etc. I keep him close in a carrier. DS1 is in daycare and came home with a 3 day virus and fever last week. So for us, there is a risk of germs even if me and the baby don't leave the house. I need to get out and be social, run errands, bring DS1 to daycare, etc.

silverwings72 · October 2014

After some careful consideration, DH and I will be taking LO to our large family Christmas party for a few hours. We will be wearing him, making sure hands are washed etc.. It is really important to us that baby spend his holidays with family. Also, my husband's grandmother may not be at the next family gathering due to her failing health.

MrsG1019 · October 2014

For all those suggesting to wear LO in order to reduce the chance of people wanting to touch/pass the baby.. What do you have planed as a polite comeback for that family member that will persistently harass you over and over into holding the baby. I have several of those (they have ZERO filter or shame) and anticipating the awkwardness of getting them to accept no as an answer is making me cringe.

mrsodonnell12 · October 2014

We will be taking lo to all family Christmas and thanksgiving gatherings. We will not be passing lo around though. Mom or dad at all times most likely baby wearing. If someone is clearly sick at the family gathering we have no problem leaving though!

deevaswani · October 2014

Our situation is a little different...we're the ones hosting Christmas get together this year because we didn't want to travel with a newborn and thought it would be safest to have baby in her crib when sleeping. It'll be a cozy event with 12 family members. I'm not worried because they're all very understanding and know not to go near the baby if they're sick. Luckily for us, there is one other child, my nephew, besides DS in terms of kids so easier to manage.

I think you should go and use your best judgement, but be careful about kids holding the baby.

mamatohne · October 2014

I would not be taking lo or ds on an airplane but my family is an hour away and we will drive.
My family is pretty good at avoiding gatherings if they are sick so i am not concerned.
But I can say by Christmas I will be begging for someone to want to hold my baby so i can eat a hot meal. I will totally be attending.

lesliegolem · October 2014

Eh I guess I'd play it by ear if I were you. My toddler gets sick it seems like every time we see a large group of family. Also she was so fussy when she was a newborn and we had so many relatives trying to hold her non stop the holidays sucked. So with this baby due 11/14 we are definitely skipping Thanksgiving. We'd like to skip Christmas too but we're not sure if we can pull it off without a family revolt lol. So we're playing Christmas by ear. We'll see how I'm feeling (had a real hard recovery with first), see how baby is doing (temperament, feeling, etc.) And if any family is sick and decide from there.

Our pediatrician recommended no large family functions for 6 weeks especially because family will want to hold the baby a lot. My in laws were horrible with not giving back the baby if she was upset and weren't good about washing hands either. But your family could be great with that stuff so it just depends. Just remember though if you go and baby gets sick be prepared for your husband to be upset over going. Good luck!

bustarmu21 · October 2014

In the same boat here too! More concerned with thanksgiving bc we usually host about 20 people. We are almost 100% sure we won't be hosting this year and I am debating even going to where it will be hosted - probably my mother in laws. If we do go, it won't be for very long. My main concern is the young kids. Seems like someone always has a sickness around that time of year! The thought of LO getting sick so young terrifies me.

lincoln79 · October 2014

MH is on call for Christmas and I am glad because it means we can't travel for Christmas limiting exposure.

For us, it is an issue of my family not respecting boundaries. "I am not that sick" "Let their snotty nosed cousin kiss the baby, it will be fine!"

I think it all depends on how well the other people will respect your requests.

silverwings72 · October 2014

MrsG1019 said:
For all those suggesting to wear LO in order to reduce the chance of people wanting to touch/pass the baby.. What do you have planed as a polite comeback for that family member that will persistently harass you over and over into holding the baby. I have several of those (they have ZERO filter or shame) and anticipating the awkwardness of getting them to accept no as an answer is making me cringe.

So I was thinking about this. Would it be weird if I made a general post on facebook about how we aren't letting folks hold the baby?? The only folks aloud will be DH mother and father in law (because I know they got their shots) and DH's grandmother because, you know, can't say no to LO's great grandmother. Obviously I won't announce that on FB but it will be an agreement between DH and I.

I figure I will just BF right before and him all snuggly and sleepy before he goes. Then I can say, "sorry, I can't wake him up right now. He hasn't been sleeping well." Or something like that...

librarygirl123 · October 2014

I would just be honest with family and say "LO hasn't had his or her shots yet, so we aren't comfortable passing him around." Just make sure that those who are allowed to hold the baby know not to pass him or her off to someone who is not approved

chauliodus · October 2014

My husband (who seems to think having a new baby is no reason not to host Thanksgiving, but that's a whole different story) invited his family to come for Thanksgiving and I'm sure we'll go to my family's Christmas 1.5 hrs away. So we will probably be around family though I'm not thrilled about it. It's not just the diseases covered in the 2 mo vaccines to worry about. Your pediatrician will also likely tell you that infants under 2 mo who develop fevers should have a full sepsis evaluation including bloodwork, urine cath and spinal tap. This is generally standard as infants are can develop sepsis or meningitis without many other signs and those need to be treated promptly.

I'm not planning to let many people hold the baby. I'm planning to wear him and hide him in a different room most of the time. Maybe I'm just mean, but I don't really care if they want to hold the baby...I don't want the baby getting sick. If they get annoyed about it, that's their issue not mine. I will cheerfully explain the problems that happen when babies get fevers and why I will not be passing him around from person to person. And no kids can touch him, even my sister's kid. Though she already agrees her child is a germ factory.

Overall I think if you limit contact with others, especially kids it should be ok.

howin23 · October 2014

@silverwings72 Funny that the great-grandmother makes your short list. Our baby's great grandmother (hubby's grandmother) is the one I'm most concerned about! She got the shots but recently came to visit with bronchitis and kept saying "I wasn't coughing before I got here"...of course I got sick for the first time this whole pregnancy. She is also very strong-willed and has dementia, so I know she won't listen to us as to how to hold the baby and will just start yelling at hubby if we ask her to do something differently...and MIL will take her side. They live close by so I'm struggling with how to keep her from holding the baby at all.

My grandmother is a totally different story and would be perfectly fine (mid 90s but still very clear of mind) so if she lived nearby I think I'd be more in your boat.

joshua+rebecca11 · October 2014

I would plan on going, unless there was a known sickness going around. (Keep in mind also, that all "plans" after baby are not set in atone...you have no way of knowing how baby or you will be doing, so nothing is concrete!!)
Have people wash their hands, and don't feel obligated to let everyone hold her. If people get their feelings hurt because you're trying to protect your baby from germs, I think they need to grow up.

Also, if your BFing, your immune system is also the baby's, so it's not like she'll be totally defenseless. As far as I understand anyway.

Someone with more knowledge than I may be able to put a little more insight on that's topic!

MrsTuna08 · October 2014

Thanks for all of the input ladies! I will be BFing (unless something goes totally awry) which will help with her immunity and will allow me to sneak away fairly often; and wearing her is a great idea. There are only a few small children who will be there, so keeping LO away from them should not be hard. I expect most family members to be respectful. And really, if all else fails we can just leave the party. We are not obligated to stay for hours and hours.

Hopefully the pediatrician can help us weigh the risks and DH and I can reach an agreement that we both feel comfortable with. I really hope avoiding this party is not the answer. I would really like her to meet her family and there are people I want to see too! Good luck to all of you who are in the same boat!

KMW08 · October 2014

***All my events are close to home

I'm still on the fence about this. If LO comes the week of thanksgiving (edd 11/28) he will NOT be going to my family xmas which is on 12/6 and there's about 80 family members.

Dhs paternal side is 2wks before Xmas and usually only 20-25peeps. I'm thinking maybe go for 20-30mins to get a few generation pics with the other new babies this year and then leaving.

Dhs maternal side (20-25peeps) does xmas eve & church. A huge NO to church, unsure about the dinner. Maybe same thing, go for 20-30mins.

Also, when I was in xray school, certificate program, classes were located in a HS. Statistically you are much more likely to catch germs from schools & kids than you are hospitals.

One more thing, we have now had 3 positive Influenza A's at my work.

My mind is blanking atm, but it's something like if baby is 4-6wks old and has a fever, they automatically do a spinal tap. Something more to consider. Not trying to freak anybody out.

emily61111 · October 2014

My first son was born right after thanksgiving but was due January 1. We took him to Christmas but only my husband or I held him since he technically wasn't supposed to be born yet.

There were about 30 people there and everyone understood. I would think he would think you're LO would be fine. Have people wash up- it is cold and flu season- they should be understanding.

MrsTuna08 · October 2014

KMW08 said:

**snip**
My mind is blanking atm, but it's something like if baby is 4-6wks old and has a fever, they automatically do a spinal tap. Something more to consider. Not trying to freak anybody out.

They did mention this at the baby care class. Very small babies with temps are no joke and they want to make sure they know what is wrong asap. So spinal tap, fluids, and antibiotics are automatic if you go to the ER with a temp with an unvaccinated very young baby.

krgriffin26 · October 2014

I'm due Nov 8 and DH have already talked about holidays. Since we only go to my Grandparents for Thanksgiving (and only 8 of us attend) she will go and if everyone is healthy then she can go to whoever wants her.

We have a large family gathering first week of December. LO will be about a month. We are planning of taking her to show her off but I will be wearing her and not passing her around. Plus we have decided only to take her for a short time and then she's going back home so my dad can watch her the rest of the night.

Christmas we go to 4 places (all immediate family since both of our parents are divorced) but again they are all small gatherings so she will be going. We will just be big on washing hands and less of the other children touching her. She will be fine.

I think you just have to "play to the crowd" when deciding what will work best for you. It's your kid so there really isn't a wrong answer. You get to make the rules and that's that.

courtelizabeth81708 · October 2014

Yup, I think all of us may have similar decisions to make. I'm playing it by ear. LO is due 11/29. Who knows when he will come. If he is late, like my first, then he could only be 2-3 weeks old at christmas. My concern isn't just his health either. I remember my recovery and first month with my daughter. There was no way I wanted to get dressed up and go to a party. I'm playing the holiday low key. We will probably do church, xmas eve dinner with my dad (and usually step sis and her son are there), and then xmas morning at our house. My mom, MIL, and brother will be there. I think we are probably skipping the extended family parties usually on Christmas day evening. It will be nice to not to have to rush to get dressed after we have brunch. Its usually 40 people, lots of kids. I'm concerned about his health, me over exerting myself, and just making the holiday too hectic. Our holiday is always too hectic and exhausting because we try to fit everything in. Not doing it this year.

Its your decision. Don't let anyone guilt you into doing something you don't feel comfortable doing. Doesn't matter why you don't want to go. It's your reasoning. If you want to go - then go! If not - then don't!!

erin4361 · October 2014

I'm due Nov 28 and I'm planning on going visiting my moms side of the family for Christmas. I'm just going to use common sense and have the kids wash hands before holding baby, and anyone who's sick won't be handling her. Other than that, I think a few days away from home will be good for her little immune system.

babysis013 · October 2014

KMW08 said:

My mind is blanking atm, but it's something like if baby is 4-6wks old and has a fever, they automatically do a spinal tap. Something more to consider. Not trying to freak anybody out.

The pediatrician that came to one of classes said the same thing. Can't remember the exact age range though either.

tobrieornottobrie · October 2014

That's always a tough decision to make, I think you and your husband being on the same page will be a very important part of whatever stance you choose to take for your little one. Best of luck, hope you guys find a solution that works for you!

~ the brie's cheese knees~

Want a personalized experience?

Bringing LO to large family Christmas party

Re: Bringing LO to large family Christmas party

Choose Another Board

Search Boards