Advice and Negativity

clumsyatheart · August 2014

Hey everyone. I've already kinda addressed this in my last post (and lots of you told some amazing stories, so i'm sorry for the repeat!) but I really need some advice about dealing with FF negativity. Sorry in advance for the whining. Still in the beginning stages and in need of some comfort.

I made the mistake of googling pro-FF articles and the comments just made me sick. A good example: "i don't understand why traumatized women can have sex but not BF." So painful. So freaking horrible. Needless to say, i'll be staying away from these articles. Which leads me to ask: have any of you dealt with pediatricians, friends, family, strangers, etc being horrible to you about choosing formula? If yes, what did you do? Can we have a rant session?

FinallyHappy84 · August 2014

All of my doctors have been more than supportive to FF because I need to go back on my anxiety/depression meds after pregnancy and most of family/friends agree, and like PP said as long as baby is getting fed it doesn't matter. Recently I just try to keep in my mind that if I'm not healthy I can't take care of LO but I love what @Encchanted‌ said about not defending yourself (which I'll have to keep in mind too) it's not like you're doing something wrong.

Firebird7C · August 2014

Hello! So, after my C-section, I was having trouble BF (there was nothing coming out at all) and the hospital nurses were getting more and more anxious about it (which didn't help). So after one of nurses was fussing at me about my lack of production, I calmly informed her that if I didn't end up producing enough milk, I would FF, and she blew up at me... telling me "We don't use the "F" word here" Really? I'm sorry, I'm not starving my child because you think that BF is the be all and end all. So there.

MommyAtty · August 2014

Seriously, to be blunt, people are not thinking about you nearly as much as you think they are. People (especially people on the internet) are much more likely to judge a hypothetical formula feeding mom than a real person in front of them. Stop worrying about this. Stop reading about it on the internet. Just be comfortable in your decision, and know this: People will judge every single decision you make as a parent. Whether or not you let your toddler have sugar. Whether you work or stay home. Whether or not you buy plastic toys. Whether or not you cut your son's hair before his first birthday. Get some thick skin, Mama. People will judge every single decision you make, not just this one. Most of them won't be nasty about it. If they are, feel free to wait til they turn their back and then flip them the bird. Your job is to do what is right for your family. An anxious, freaked out mama isn't what's right for you or your baby. So concentrate on flooding your baby with warmth and love and affection, right now, while said baby is in the womb.

clumsyatheart · August 2014

@MommyAtty‌

thank you

i really needed that advice!!!

poohbear033 · August 2014

When I switched to formula, our pediatrician was okay with that decision. She said we needed to do what was best for us. As I was struggling with PPD, this was what we needed to do. My lactation consultants were also helpful when I asked for help weaning.

I do have a friend who is strongly against formula feeding, as in today was her son's birthday and the first solid food he has ever had was his cake. A few weeks ago, I just told her that I felt judged and why exactly we FF. I sat at the birthday party feeding DD from a bottle without any judgement at all. Telling her how I felt definitely helped.

JenW1029 · August 2014

Can I just say I love you all and support your choices! I am also a FF and have had a considerable amount of judgment passed on to me. Even a family member asking me if they could breast feed MY CHILD! Huh! I just ignore and my son is healthy and growing up to be a very strong and loving boy! Wouldn't have it any other way! #proudmom

alyss0nl · August 2014

I had co-worker, maybe in her 60s, I dunno. I sent out an email to all the teachers and staff that he was born, and she emailed me back asking if I was nursing, and if I wasn't I need to start. She also stated that if I nurse my son, it will raise his IQ by 10 points. I'm so glad she moved to another school. I didn't know how to respond to her so I just moved it to my junk folder.

nova99 · August 2014

I breast fed my first kid and was the odd woman out because everyone I knew formula fed, including family. The rave about Breastfeeding is purely political, (I understand bf is obviously better) but it's being used as a way to pin women against each other in the Mommy war. No one has given me a hard time about formula feeding, but because I am a health freak, a lot of people assume that I breast feed. I didn't have the option this time. You don't need to explain sexual abuse as a reason to anyone. A lot of people go through life questioning nothing and then have the nerve to make snide comparisons. They are just trying to feel superior.

nova99 · August 2014

Firebird7C said:
Hello! So, after my C-section, I was having trouble BF (there was nothing coming out at all) and the hospital nurses were getting more and more anxious about it (which didn't help). So after one of nurses was fussing at me about my lack of production, I calmly informed her that if I didn't end up producing enough milk, I would FF, and she blew up at me... telling me "We don't use the "F" word here" Really? I'm sorry, I'm not starving my child because you think that BF is the be all and end all. So there.

so I take it that you didn't get the free can of enfamil and diaper bag in your hospital room?

Firebird7C · August 2014

nova99 said:

Hello! So, after my C-section, I was having trouble BF (there was nothing coming out at all) and the hospital nurses were getting more and more anxious about it (which didn't help). So after one of nurses was fussing at me about my lack of production, I calmly informed her that if I didn't end up producing enough milk, I would FF, and she blew up at me... telling me "We don't use the "F" word here" Really? I'm sorry, I'm not starving my child because you think that BF is the be all and end all. So there.
so I take it that you didn't get the free can of enfamil and diaper bag in your hospital room?

LoL... why, no... no I didn't. I feel rather cheated if other moms got those!

nova99 · August 2014

Firebird7C said:

nova99 said:

Firebird7C said:
Hello! So, after my C-section, I was having trouble BF (there was nothing coming out at all) and the hospital nurses were getting more and more anxious about it (which didn't help). So after one of nurses was fussing at me about my lack of production, I calmly informed her that if I didn't end up producing enough milk, I would FF, and she blew up at me... telling me "We don't use the "F" word here" Really? I'm sorry, I'm not starving my child because you think that BF is the be all and end all. So there.
so I take it that you didn't get the free can of enfamil and diaper bag in your hospital room?

LoL... why, no... no I didn't. I feel rather cheated if other moms got those!

I was actually really surprised when I got one, and this was in January. The hospital is pro breast feeding though lol. Believe it or not I'm pregnant again so I'll have to wait and see if I get a free can again.

Danicali · August 2014

I think sometimes we feel like there will be negativity but it's really our own feelings of being unsure about our decision. When I was deciding to switch to formula I was feeling bad. I felt like I was a bad mom for not trying harder or that I did something wrong and that's why I couldn't keep up my supply with my LO. I felt like people would be judging me when really I was judging myself.

If someone asks what you're feeding them say formula. And be confident about it. And if they give you a hard time just say "it's my baby and I will feed them how I choose"

You gotta do what's right for you. And they make formula for a reason. If it was a bad choice it wouldn't be a choice.

lincoln79 · October 2014

We need to have our child using a gestational surrogate. We considered trying to induce lactation, but after two straight years of non-stop hormone treatments for IUI/IVF/FET we just decided that my body had been through enough.

Crazily, when all three of us (our surrogate, myself, and mh) go to appointments the healthcare workers try to convince our surrogate she really wants to breastfeed.

Come on people, its not her baby! It's in our chart! That's why there is a party in the exam room!

I'm so tired of it.

harmonicbabe26 · October 2014

lincoln79 said:
We need to have our child using a gestational surrogate. We considered trying to induce lactation, but after two straight years of non-stop hormone treatments for IUI/IVF/FET we just decided that my body had been through enough.

Crazily, when all three of us (our surrogate, myself, and mh) go to appointments the healthcare workers try to convince our surrogate she really wants to breastfeed.
Come on people, its not her baby! It's in our chart! That's why there is a party in the exam room!

I'm so tired of it.

OMG! Well there is a way to introduce some serious dysfunctionality and potential issues to an already complex scenario right?! Dumb people won't stop at anything...
Nip it in the bud girl, nip it in the bud! I can't even imagine! Your and your H's feelings aside, what do these idiots think this would do to the surrogates feelings and mind?? Geez!

All the best and big hugs to you though! That's wonderful you have this chance to be a mommy via surrogate!

countrycotton · October 2014

The only person who said anything negative when I started formula was my dad. I simply told him the only way he had any say in how I feed was if he grew mammary glads and started to lactate. That ended the conversation. If a stranger was bold enough to ask why I formula feed, I wouldn't react well, but would proudly say something to the effect of "I REALLY like crack and meth, I've already given up my body for this kid, why should I have to give up my passion?" Then smile and walk away. (For the record I don't use drugs)

christinasullie37 · October 2014

I have never bfd and proud to say I EFF'd. I never gave it another thought. No one has ever said it to my face but I know the subject was talked about behind my back. Who cares. By baby was thriving. I was told the other day by a friend that my child will probably not be as smart since she wasnt bfa and when I told her my 2 year old counts to thirty and ahe thwm proceeded to do it. It shut her up. Two year old still cant name a body part. It doeant matter whether you bf or not. Yes there are benefits no doubt but in the end a happy baby is what matters most and a happy momma is important to.

MommyAtty · October 2014

christinasullie37 said:

I have never bfd and proud to say I EFF'd. I never gave it another thought. No one has ever said it to my face but I know the subject was talked about behind my back. Who cares. By baby was thriving. I was told the other day by a friend that my child will probably not be as smart since she wasnt bfa and when I told her my 2 year old counts to thirty and ahe thwm proceeded to do it. It shut her up. Two year old still cant name a body part. It doeant matter whether you bf or not. Yes there are benefits no doubt but in the end a happy baby is what matters most and a happy momma is important to.

Not to be Braggy McProudMommy, but at DD's preschool (she's 2), she is surrounded by kids whose moms SAH and almost all BF'ed. Her teachers comment at least a couple of times a week about how much more verbal DD is than any of her peers. A few months ago, she told her doctor that she has an otoscope just like his. He turned to look at what she was holding and he was amazed she was holding up the right instrument. I wasn't sure what the otoscope was. She picked the word up from Doc McStuffins. So, yeah, that whole difference in intelligence? I'm not seeing it.

harmonicbabe26 · October 2014

greenbunny79 said:

MommyAtty said:

christinasullie37 said:

I have never bfd and proud to say I EFF'd. I never gave it another thought. No one has ever said it to my face but I know the subject was talked about behind my back. Who cares. By baby was thriving. I was told the other day by a friend that my child will probably not be as smart since she wasnt bfa and when I told her my 2 year old counts to thirty and ahe thwm proceeded to do it. It shut her up. Two year old still cant name a body part. It doeant matter whether you bf or not. Yes there are benefits no doubt but in the end a happy baby is what matters most and a happy momma is important to.

Not to be Braggy McProudMommy, but at DD's preschool (she's 2), she is surrounded by kids whose moms SAH and almost all BF'ed. Her teachers comment at least a couple of times a week about how much more verbal DD is than any of her peers. A few months ago, she told her doctor that she has an otoscope just like his. He turned to look at what she was holding and he was amazed she was holding up the right instrument. I wasn't sure what the otoscope was. She picked the word up from Doc McStuffins. So, yeah, that whole difference in intelligence? I'm not seeing it.

Thats because the intelligence has more to do with the environment the baby is growing up in and the parents than the BM itself.

Yeah I agree that the intelligence is such a silly argument... Must be the hope of really dumb people. My DD had no chance of ever being born stupid. It is genetically impossible. Your genetic make up matters not what you ate as newborn... I have 2 graduate degrees, a professional degree, MH is also super educated and intelligent. There is no way genetically our kids could be lacking in that department.

But also remember one thing - no matter how early your kids meet early childhood milestones, by age 5 they all do the same things anyway...

MomToNeeners · October 2014

Firebird7C said:
Hello! So, after my C-section, I was having trouble BF (there was nothing coming out at all) and the hospital nurses were getting more and more anxious about it (which didn't help). So after one of nurses was fussing at me about my lack of production, I calmly informed her that if I didn't end up producing enough milk, I would FF, and she blew up at me... telling me "We don't use the "F" word here" Really? I'm sorry, I'm not starving my child because you think that BF is the be all and end all. So there.

I'm a type 1 diabetic and I can totally relate! I had a picture perfect induction for a diabetic and my DD didn't have to go to the NICU for monitoring she was so healthy, but when I went to bf her there was nothing...she ended up getting close to having low blood sugar so I told the nurse she needed formula.
I was a nursing student and my program did clinicals at the hospital I delivered at. My classmate and instructor were my nurses for a while during the day after I had my DD and they were understanding but not the actual nurse. She told me its fine to make my baby wait...I know a look of horror came across my face and she hurried her ass to get my DD formula. If she would have said anything more I would have thrown a big ass hormonal fit and had the head of the pp unit and the head of the hospital there as well as the patient advocate. My baby needed food and she is not going to starve over some bf BS.
Turns out my DD needed formula anyways because she was jaundice and it helped to lower her levels. Also my milk didn't come in for more than a week. No child of mine is going to starve and cry because they're hungry. That's just cruel!

calibroncosfan5968 · October 2014

Hi Ladies,
I'm a lurker on this page that was actually just looking for some other info (what types of formula other mommies prefer for when and if I have to supplement) when I came across this post. I'm a breastfeeder myself and I am so sorry that some of you have such bad experiences when you were asked what you feed your babies. I'm a firm believer that it doesn't matter what you're feeding your baby as long as your baby is being fed and we all know and will do what is best for our own children. Please don't jump to conclusions that other women are asking to judge or lecture. I know I'd ask because I'm more curious and you might teach me something about formula feeding that could benefit me and my child later on down the road. After I asked, I would never lecture someone. That's just screwed up.

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