Disciplining a 1yr old

klewis888 · October 2014

So our precious little M has started hitting my arm or face when I tell her no to something she really wants to do. I have no idea where she learned this from!!! :-w

So now every time she does this, I hold her hand and tell her no in a stern voice and she just wants to do it more and starts laughing. Am I missing something? FTM here, so I am open to any advice or suggestion. Just want to nip it in the butt now so she doesn't think it is ok to act that way as she gets older.

Thanks ladies!

carawasa · October 2014

Same boat. She laughs or cries everytime I say no. I'm not ready for this

ksimo6 · October 2014

Dd does the same thing and I hold her hand down and say no. The second time she does it, I put her on the floor and walk away from her. She usually cries and then stops... For a little bit. I have no good answers!!

catycate · October 2014

Yep- I do the same as pp- say no and if it continues, I put her down. If she's laughing she's enjoying even the negative attention.

sleepy33 · October 2014

I taught him 'gentle'. Initially, I taught it to him for petting the dog, and he learned that if he wasn't gently, puppy runs away. Then, a couple of weeks ago when I was changing his diaper, I was getting really frustrated with him because he was basically trying to launch himself off the table. I was frowning and making a mean face and saying no. I had him pinned down with one elbow. He stopped wriggling and started patting my arm really gently. I smiled a big smile at him and said, "Oh, good GENTLE pats!" like it was the best thing he ever did. Now, whenever he's being too rough or hitting, or hitting HIMSELF in the head (crazy baby), I say "Gentle!" and then give him lots of positive praise when he is gentle. It seems to be working better than telling him no (which also gets the laugh and do it again response).

Jalee85 · October 2014

@sleepy33‌ I've been doing something similar to when she smacks me as well. I ask her to be gentle. Like everyone else if I sternly say "No" she laughs. I'm definitely not ready for this either and currently ignoring a temper tantrum. I didn't think this would start the minute they hit 1... Lord Jeebus

klewis888 · October 2014

Thanks for the advice ladies! I feel much better knowing I'm not the only one going through this right now.

emmylou78 · October 2014

DD doesn't hit (yet), but does pull at the dogs. I definitely say "Pet nice" or "Gentle" and show her. I think both just require a consistent process.

Our issue is yelling. I try "shhh.... Quiet voices" but she hasn't caught on yet. Redirection works a bit better. Ugh

vargasgurl · October 2014

I say "No you can't touch that" or "you can't do that " and take her away from the object .. She hasn't hit yet. She usually listens.

My MIL plays this game w her where she has DD play hit her in the face and dd thinks it's Sssoooooo Funny! I am going to get slapped and have to
re-program her and MIL! I don't get why anyone does this?

We have a little Shihtzu and she loves her ... But throws herself in top of her and pets (slaps) her .... I save my dog often from dd. I mostly say "be nice to Coco" or "nice Coco" as I pet her gently and also take DDs hand and have her pet gently ... I hope she gets it , before my dog snaps at her.

Good luck

alimama33 · October 2014

Oooh I'm glad this was brought up! The "gentle" thing is a good idea. I have a friend who told me her 1 yr old was being so bad the other day she had to spank him. Ummm What?!?? I don't want to start the spanking debate at all, but regardless of if you're okay with it....this is waayyy too young, yes?

sleepy33 · October 2014

Oy.

emmylou78 · October 2014

I can't think of anything my child does right now that would warrant any kind of harsh discipline.

klewis888 · October 2014

Been teaching her "gentle" and taking her hand to gently stroking my arm or face when she tries to hit, and it's working!!! She doesn't think it's a game and is repeating what I'm saying and doing! Thank you so much ladies!!!

And on a side note about spanking, I myself wouldn't be able to do it. I feel bad just saying "no" in a stern voice. I know everyone has an opinion about it and I totally respect it, but I just think there are so many other ways to discipline.

sleepy33 · October 2014

Children this age lack the ability to reason. They do not understand 'why' you are yelling at them or hitting them. They literally cannot connect the dots to realize that the reason you are hitting them is because of that thing they did 5 seconds ago. Incidentally, a dog's ability to reason is permanently fixed at about this developmental level, which is why your dog doesn't understand when you hit him for something he did 2 minutes or 2 hours ago.

Moral of the story: babies are dogs, dogs are babies, please don't hit them.

SHAWNACPA · October 2014

Same boat. I hold her hand and tell her "we don't hit" and then she either laughs and does it again, or she gets her feelings hurt, cries, and looks at me like she just lost her best friend. Yesterday DH was like, it's ok, it doesn't hurt. But I reminded him it is way easier to fix now than when she is three going around slapping the shit our of people.

alimama33 · October 2014

sleepy33 said:

Children this age lack the ability to reason. They do not understand 'why' you are yelling at them or hitting them. They literally cannot connect the dots to realize that the reason you are hitting them is because of that thing they did 5 seconds ago. Incidentally, a dog's ability to reason is permanently fixed at about this developmental level, which is why your dog doesn't understand when you hit him for something he did 2 minutes or 2 hours ago.

Moral of the story: babies are dogs, dogs are babies, please don't hit them.

This is such a good way to put this! I am definitely remembering for the next time I have someone tell me they've spanked their 1 yr old...so I can do something better than stare in dumb shock back at them!

sleepy33 · October 2014

This thread also reminded me of a thing I 'discovered' a while back. We have those foam tiles that have the letters and numbers in the center and the edge pieces, all of which can be removed/taken apart. Cam was making me crazy when he discovered he could completely disassemble the whole floor. I got tired of telling him no (with no effect), so I showed him how to put the pieces back together. So now, when he starts to pull up the edge piece, I say, "Stick it back down!" and he lays it back down and pushes it in place (sort of) and I clap and say "yaaaaaay!" and then after he does that a few times I get him interested in some other toy. Same thing when he discovered he could pull the air vent grate out of the floor.

I am sure this technique has some sort of name or something, and maybe everybody else already knows about it, but I figured I'd throw it out there.

Lesley0228 · October 2014

For this type of behavior, I stop him by lightly grabbing his hand and say "gentle." Same as I would for when he's attacking the cats. I try to minimize the use of "no." No gets their attention, but if you overuse it they become immune. I try to save "no" for when it's urgent and also I prefer to use encouraging language by saying what I want LO to do, not by saying what I want them not to do. Don't worry, this is just a phase as they test their limits.

WhenInRome11 · October 2014

This is pretty much what @crunchymama11 and @sleepy33 and actually almost everyone here is talking about. I took a positive discipline training class when I was teaching full time and it was really helpful especially with toddlers and pre-schoolers.

https://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/use-positive-discipline

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