Due right after stressful holidays

kannesnyder · October 2014

I am due in the beginning of January and this is my first child. I am very nervous about the upcoming holidays, specifically Christmas as this is a very stressful day(s) for me. Ordinarily, this time is overwhelming to me due to the constant running from house to house to celebrate, time crunch of events, to opening large amounts of gifts (which for me, I will never get used to). Though this time is very important to me and my DH, I am concerned that I will go into early labor due to the stress involved during this time. In talking to my DH, we have agreed to discuss our concerns with our families who we celebrate with in attempts to keep things as low key as possible, however I'm still concerned. Any recommendations or words of comfort from others who may have been through this before? Should I be concerned?

minirella · October 2014

This might be a great time to start your own tradition. Why not have everyone come to you rather than going to them?

We do not travel on Christmas. Everyone is welcome to eat Christmas lunch with us (I do a turkey, homemade dressing, fixings, and homemade desserts). We've done this for 7 years - 3 of those years were childless. We always have a full house.

Novem06 · October 2014

Ya I don't think spending the Holidays with family will cause you the stress to induce labor. I'm due the same time with 2 others kids at home who both arrived early. I'm worried about missing Christmas morning but what will be will be

JenLy2012 · October 2014

I am due early January too and everyone is coming to us. We are doing a small celebration with my family a couple weeks before Christmas and then having DH's family to our house on Christmas. I don't think I have ever thought of holidays as stressful but if you do then just say you aren't part-taking in the celebrations. Have a low-key at home.

Maebb · October 2014

I was due Dec 5th with DS, and this one is Jan 19th. My advice:

- Start shopping early, and try to be finished with it a little early. Buy online.
- Relax as much as possible. You may get offers from family members of, "Oh, sit down and rest; let me do the cooking." Accept offers of help.
- Don't be afraid to say no. If you are tired or if it's too long of a drive, it's ok to not go to a party.
- Keep it simple. I am not much of a decorator or crazy about food/presents/etc. The year I had DS, everything was more low-key. Our Christmas "decorations" consisted of a tabletop pre-decorated Christmas tree and a scented candle. It was fine.
- Enjoy the time with your family. To me, that's what the holidays are about anyway, so I just tried to enjoy it.

cwbh928 · October 2014

Why are you stressing? Either go or don't go. I think your families will understand if you choose to sit the holidays out this year.

If you do decide to go than I don't see how everything you describe would be stressul! It will only be as stressful/complicated as you make it. Its a holiday - not war.

Good luck.

TashaPlusNika · October 2014

Easy: donate ALL the gifts to a homeless shelter, unopened.

Make 0 plans with people and have 0 commitments, stay home, get Chinese takeout, eat pie, watch movies. There.

Some problems that people have are just remarkable, I have to say.

I should be legitimately stressing how I can enjoy my 3rd Thanksgiving here in the US and eat the same copious amounts of food I did the previous years, it being so close to my due date, I guess.

ZooCrewMom · October 2014

Yeah, I think it might be time to start working out a schedule. We rotate holidays with different sides of the family - something you will probably do after the baby is born anyway. You can't be everything to everyone all at once. With my first child I had a super stressful job with heavy travel involved - I still didn't go into labor until 41w4days. They come whenever we want, nothing I've ever done or not done has changed their arrival.

serenbach · October 2014

I'm sure family will be more than understanding if you tell them you want to spend it in your house and that they are welcome to visit. Christmas can often be hectic but please think about the bigger picture and the fact that some women are going trough real stress during their pregnancies due to complications etc.

[Deleted User] · October 2014

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SSCmomma · October 2014

Im due mid Jan and already told my family that DH and I are probably just staying home for Christmas unless I'm feeling particularly energetic. Kids in my family get lots of gifts but the adults skip the gifts. Its only complicated if you make it that way.

Weezy56 · October 2014

OP please re read what you wrote. This is a silly thing to stress over. If you do not feel up to attending a holiday event, then decline. Easy.

And I'll gladly take any presents you don't want

ChrisB · October 2014

Here are some words of comfort: Take it easy and enjoy your pregnancy. You will not go into early labour because you've opened too many gifts.

Unknown · October 2014

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AlwaysForgetful · October 2014

Ok, I only have to deal with having baby 2 days after Thanksgiving this year... I tote 5 kids ranging from 1 year to 7 years old with me, one is autistic with Sensory Processing Disorder, and my SO has moderate Cerebral Palsy. He works full time (how we afford all the kids) so it is me taking care of everyone since his CP leaves him with leg issues, one hand is bent in and of little use, and the good hand has some fine motor skill problems. So yeah... For Thanksgiving I get to drive 1 hour one way in the morning, and then an hour back plus 35-40 minutes past my house the other direction for Thanksgiving at another house. NOT worried about that causing early labor (resulting in emergency Csection) or anything. I actually had to stop shopping this week because the walking was causing contractions and I am 33 weeks. Although I am all closed up. There was talk of a modified bed rest the last few weeks.

Not worried about that stress. Sorry, but I don't think it will be as bad as stressful as you think. If you are worried, don't go to the events. Either your family will understand or not. I know my mother is a.... I can't say what, so she does not understand. I already know she will be pissed as hell that I will not be helping her wash dishes after the meal. Oh well. I have 2 SIL and 2 brothers who can help. I am only going because I love my dad and want to see my new nephew.

Anyway, I guess I just made this about me.... To make it back about you, I think you have gotten yourself worked up about it and it isn't as much of an issue as you think. Lots of gifts can leave you feeling a little awkward if you aren't use to it (my case when I go to the in laws), but well, I don't think that is something to stressful. If it is to you, then avoid the situation all together. If you are running around a lot and worried about that, then tell them all to come to you for Christmas or don't go. Plan Christmas for after the baby is born then. Although you get the "pass the newborn during bad cold/flu season" then.

racheldiaries · October 2014

I think you may have been feeling overwhelmed at the time you wrote this and were over-thinking things? I feel like if you reread what you wrote you may realize that these stresses are easily fixable. Decline invites and stay home and start new traditions with DH.

byrne15 · October 2014

I'm due Dec 27th. I'm not worried at all. Should I be?

allrightmeow · October 2014

LOL

allrightmeow · October 2014

I can only imagine how hard the eyes will roll when you "discuss your concerns with your families".

If you wake up feeling tired, politely call and cancel. My goodness, it's really not that serious.

PrettiMamita · October 2014

I'm due January 3 and well it's not the holidays worrying me as I love the holidays and well I still stay with my parents & we usually do holiday stuff here anyways and will this year. What worries me more is I'm a college student and I have a final to take Dec. 8 and a major presentation that I still don't know what it all will consist of that will probably be done Dec. 5.

I really want to make it to my due date or at least Jan. 1 as I don't want a December baby. However I know some who were due beginning of January and made it to their due date or beyond and had a lot of stress going on.

I'm thinking maybe the closer I get to any major projects maybe talking with the professors about maybe trying to do them earlier or maybe try to make it not so stressful. The presentation,if it's like the group one I did, will probably be about 30 minutes long and well I'm really hoping it's not like it. Sure we're sitting down and it's 1-on-1,but still sounds stressful already to me.

TashaPlusNika · October 2014

allrightmeow said:

I can only imagine how hard the eyes will roll when you "discuss your concerns with your families".

If you wake up feeling tired, politely call and cancel. My goodness, it's really not that serious.

Just to shed some light on the situation for you:

There will be no festivities without OP's presence. The success or therefore lack of, of ALL the holiday dinner parties solely depend on her presence. The show will NOT go on. Each and every holiday celebration she doesn't attend may as well be cancelled, as people will only be able to sit around mourning the OP's absence.

allrightmeow · October 2014

TashaPlusNika said:

allrightmeow said:

I can only imagine how hard the eyes will roll when you "discuss your concerns with your families".

If you wake up feeling tired, politely call and cancel. My goodness, it's really not that serious.

Just to shed some light on the situation for you:

There will be no festivities without OP's presence. The success or therefore lack of, of ALL the holiday dinner parties solely depend on her presence. The show will NOT go on. Each and every holiday celebration she doesn't attend may as well be cancelled, as people will only be able to sit around mourning the OP's absence.

Its the saddest Christmas Story ever told.

kikimeemee · October 2014

I'm due before the holidays and feel that it would be more stressful to tote around a new baby during parties and events than while pregnant. People will cut you lots of slack being pregnant so just go to the holiday things you want to. While pregnant, baby is safe and sound and won't make a peep at your functions.

I may not be the best person to respond to this post -- let it be known. I'm sorry I cannot relate as I don't understand how holidays are stressful.

fletchtony12 · October 2014

I am also due in the beginning of January but with my 5th child. When I had my first child, I was in my early twenties and our families just weren't quite used to the fact that my husband and I were our own family now. They ran us ragged with multiple invites to various events and if we attempted to decline, it caused tension and stress. That's what I'm picturing when I read your concerns. I was young and wanted to make everyone happy, even if it was at my own expense. Now, I'm still nice but am firm and assertive and they have gotten used to that. You are still adjusting to combining traditions and expectations with your husband. My husband came from a small family and had to adjust to my larger, loud and affectionate family. It definitely was an adjustment for him in the beginning (as I imagine what you feel are ridiculous amounts of presents is to you). (Also, please ignore the "first world problem bullies. You really don't need that!) You know that stress is not good for you or your baby and you've never been through this before. You don't know if you will tend to go into labor early or late or have your water break in the middle of Christmas dinner...and that's ok!! I think it's smart to let the family have a heads up that it's nothing personal if you decline events and that you will be taking it easy through the Holidays. Most of all just relax. Get a massage and baby yourself and that baby. You are both going to be just fine.

allrightmeow · October 2014

@fletchtony12 No one is bullying OP. When you throw it around like a trendy buzz word you minimize the trauma faced by real life bully victims.

She is being ridiculous and people told her so.

TeeJ526 · October 2014

@fletchtony12‌ Whoa, whoa, whoa... Bullies? Seriously? C'mon Last I checked, stressing about opening large amount of gifts to the point that it's listed as a reason to go into preterm labor is a first world problem. A whole new level of silliness as it's really not a problem to begin with.

Manateearmz · October 2014

I guess she hasn't realized that she is going to have to open baby shower gifts too! THE HORROR!

dianeg1017 · October 2014

That baby you are growing is a perfect excuse to have everyone come to you. I'm due dec 19 I have already told everyone my house is big enough if you wanna see our part of the fam you come to us this year. As both me and my hubby have 2 sets ad divorced parents we run like crazy every holiday. Not this year woo hoo

TashaPlusNika · October 2014

I fear that the word 'bullying' is being used so lightly and so often, it's becoming a very casual thing to 'just' say, hence losing its actual grave meaning and significance, which is a problem, because when it's happening, the seriousness of the situation is so often underestimated.

Unknown · October 2014

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NicoleWI · October 2014

WHo knows what her history is and why the holidays are stressful. Perhaps they had a family loss, perhaps there is major family tension, who knows. Cut her some slack.

Anyway, OP, I second the person who said this might be the time to start being assertive. Once baby is here, it's amazing how much you have to change/be in charge/stand up for him or her, and sometimes it is hard to make everyone happy. You really do start to be your own little family and sometimes you need to put yourselves first. Just choose a few things to attend, and have you and SO be on the same page with telling everyone your plans. You'll probably want to do the same next year when you have a baby in tow.

FWIW, for me, I had my two last babies in mid-December, and this year I am thrilled to be due first week Jan. I'm hoping to get through the holidays labor free and be able to enjoy the time with my other kids without having a newborn to breastfeed and worry about.

PrimRoseMama · October 2014

Don't attend & don't worry about gifts. I promise folks care a lot less than you think they do. Taking a hiatus for one year won't hurt anything.

Also, #firstworldproblems...

:-??

PrimRoseMama · October 2014

I think the reason this post is bothersome is that it's almost a bragplaint? It just pissing & moaning in this "my mink fur coat is so heavy after my 5-course meal with a table full of people that love me" kind of way. :-q

peggels24 · October 2014

Like PP's said - just figure out what you are comfortable doing it and do that.

DH and I normally spend Thanksgiving at one of our families, hold a 100 person party the first weekend in December and spend Christmas Eve at one family and Christmas Day at the other. Because my family lives in NY and his family is here in MA - I did not want to drive 4-5 hours on Christmas morning so we are traveling for Thanksgiving weekend, canceling the party for this year, and spending Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with his family (but sleeping at our house because I like my bed). Whoever is unhappy with that can just be unhappy. We are doing what works for us.

Bigboneded · October 2014

I get it. I have always done the big family Christmas, and it can feel like you are obligated. I certainly expect people to be there. When my cousin was way preggo, her whole family skipped it- and we all understood. I told my family, even though I wont be working, we arent traveling 2-3 hours in the car to be there this year. They understand. I hope, discussing with your families, went well and that they reassured you they understand not being able to plan on all of it.... I hope you have a joyful holiday season after all :-)

Cleto2007 · November 2014

I am due Christmas eve, so I can understand your thoughts here, but just be open with your family and kindly decline if your uncomfortable with traveling too much.

There is always time after the baby is born to celebrate as well.

see8e · November 2014

We're due with our first 12/29. We told both our families this year that we are staying home and have offered to have family over for a potluck-style meal on Christmas Eve (aka I'm not cooking!). All our family members have been flexible and supportive--they KNOW we're about to pop and that this year will be different from others. I think your family will totally understand too--just be open and honest with them.

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