christmas gift - advice?

LisaLisa1980 · October 2014

My sister in law lost her son back in June. I've been contemplating whether or not to get her an "in memory" gift for him for Christmas this year. I was thinking a special Christmas tree ornament. I know it's going to be especially hard this year for her, and my worry is that it may cause more heartache. But, I also want her to know that we are thinking of him/them and want to give her something. What do you think? If I do, should I give it to her in private? I would hate for all of us to be opening gifts and then her opening this and being heartbroken. I'm guilty of trying to protect her too much, I hate seeing her sad. This has been a tough few months.

ikrystal · October 2014

**ticker warning**

I think that is a wonderful idea. I know one of my fears this Christmas is that we won't get anything for Conner and Ben - like people have forgotten about them. As to whether it is public or private, I'm not really sure. You know your SIL, and I would just make a judgement call based on her personality or even maybe how she is holding up that day.

msunshine123 · October 2014

I agree this is such a wonderful I idea. I love it when people show they are thinking about my son just as much as I am. I agree with the previous poster to use your own judgement with in private or in public.

lexusolsen · October 2014

I love it. I was thinking of getting a "first Christmas in heaven" ornament for our son this year. I would love it if someone got us a gift like that.

stefuge · October 2014

I agree that this is a great idea and you should definitely get her something. This past Christmas, our first Christmas without our son, I received a few gifts from my parents and siblings that were in memory of Colton, and I loved it. (On the other hand, my ILs didn't do or say anything about him and that was rough). I received jewelry, stuffed animals, and some little figurines. We do also have a couple of ornaments for our son, which are also really special. There are some really sweet ones you can find on etsy (we actually gave our parents ornaments last year with Colton's name and birthdate and footprints on them that we had made on etsy) and would be a sweet way to include their son in the holiday.

LisaLisa1980 · October 2014

Thank you all for your responses!!

angelsnight · October 2014

Ticker warning

I think it sounds very nice. My MIL got us an ornament with Kayla's name on it and I loved it. She did give it to us....not in private per se but not along with the main gifts that we open in front of everyone and I appreciated that. I also noticed that next to mine and MHs stocking there was a small stocking hanging.....it could have been for one of the pets, but I think it was for our angel. If so, I thought that was very nice that she included her in that way too.

Dixon813 · October 2014

Ticker Warning

You are so very thoughtful - I agree with others that it's a wonderful idea to get something in memory. Last year, my brother and SIL got us an ornament with their names on it and it was one of the few gifts we received that recognized them. The other was a letter from my parents saying a donation was made in their memory at a local grief organization (that we had attended). Any way you choose to remember your nephew would be beautiful.

As far as in private or with everyone, you know your sister best. I opened both of those gifts in front of the whole family, but I don't mind grieving in front of them (and selfishly it was a way for the rest of my family to remember that we miss our babies and think about them...)

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