s/o daycare hitting/pinching/biting/ and other wounds

SunAndRain · October 2014

I am wondering if I'm too lax about DD's safety. When I show up to DC and DD has a bump or red mark, I ask the teachers about it, get their verbal report and move on. Sometimes they have me sign an accident report but if they don't I don't care. This has happened 3-4 times in the last year or so. I don't care if I get a written report because honestly, I think those reports are more for school records than my parenting records. But maybe I'm wrong.

I spoke with a friend who was expressing her concern about the way the teacher handled a red mark her daughter had on her cheek. Listening to her story I realize that this wouldn't have phased me. Clearly the girl's face had encountered some hard surface. It wasn't a serious injury. I think "these things happen"; I don't assume that the teacher wasn't paying attention, nor would I care if I received a written report. And I honestly think that kids learn to interact partially though physical touch...should it be so shocking then that a child be on either the giving or receiving end of a hit/bite/pinch at some point?

I think my friend looks for signs and signals, much the way I do, but that we interpret them differently. I'm OK with knowing that she is more conservative than I. But it has me wondering, am I missing something? Should I be more concerned and less accepting that these things "happen".

Part of me may be taking this personally because I know my DD plays rough. She is a tough kid. She doesn't typically cry when she falls and she is brave when it comes to physical challenges. She is also more likely to be on the giving than receiving end of a hit/etc. Maybe that is why I don't worry about her too much. My friend's DD is much more sweet and gentle. Additionally our little girls are friends and are in the same DC class, so they play a lot together. I expect that with all that togetherness there will be altercations. Maybe if my DD tended to be more on the receiving end then I would feel differently. Certainly, at the same time, I don't want my child to be the cause of concern for any parent. But if my child comes home with a report that she was hit/pinched/etc, I don't worry about WHO did it because there hasn't been a pattern, and I expect some of this to happen.

I'm not sure what to make of all this.

minirella · October 2014

For me, it depends on how frequently things are occurring. I pulled my daughter out of a center due to biting. She was being bit at least once a day, sometimes 2 or more. The month that I pulled her out, she was bit more times than she attended and the director gave me a shitty response (basically shifted blame onto us for her part-time schedule and her not learning who to stay away from at 15 months old). I understand things happen but the frequency concerns me. In our case, I didn't think the teachers did a good job of watching the kids especially since they were aware of the biters and the issues that were occurring.

I guess it all depends on what you are willing to tolerate and accept.

74dragonfly · October 2014

For me it depends on how often, 4 times in a year I wouldn't even worry. when my DD was older, preschool age, she had new bruises every day from running, climbing, playing. I never worried.

FTR my pedi says she likes when kids have bruises, that means they play.

2chatter · October 2014

When I see the school's number pop up I roll my eyes. They seriously call me every time they write a report (probably weekly) and the report is 99% of the time something that just happens. I would be fine with being told "he has a red mark on his arm because he and another child wrestled over a toy". No need for a call or a piece of paper.

The incidents I want to know about: bites, broken skin, bumps to the head.

Someone stepped on his hand and he demanded an ice pack (ie five minutes sitting on the school admins' lap and probably a treat or a story) then colored normally 5 minutes later? Not so much.

SunAndRain · October 2014

Funny now every timey dd hurts herself she asks for ice. Actually she has started crying more now that I think of it! I suspect her school has something to do with that. I've only seen her get hurt bad enough for ice once when she dropped a hard plastic water bottle on her little toe. I was worried that it was actually broken. ugh maybe I should pull her from school to protect her from the over reactions. (Kidding)

MickeyM04 · October 2014

Another vote for "It depends." Our state regulations are pretty nuts so I get incident reports for everything. By the time I'll pick DS up from DC, he won't even have a mark, but they'll tell me he did have one and I'll get a written report, even if it's something like he walked into a wall, dropped a toy on his head, etc. Literally if there is a mark on my child at any point in time I get a report about it. Most of the time I really am like, Meh. DS is super clumsy. To the extreme. I think in 8 months we've gotten two reports involving another child--one was a scratch, and one was hitting (hitting didn't leave a mark). They were spaced a few months apart. If I got a scratch report every day for 3 days, even for a minor scratch, I would be wondering what the F they are doing over there, because shouldn't they be on alert for it on day 3? Preventing it? KWIM?

litzo27 · October 2014

She may have a gut feeling that a particular daycare is not a good fit for her and thus everything sends up a red flag. I've been in a similar situation although not with daycare. I agree with you - kids are active and they explore and things will happen. My 9 month old got a little bruise on her cheek on Saturday on my watch and I have no idea how it happened! I also agree with PP on how frequently it happens - 5 bites in one week? Problem. A couple red marks in a month. No big deal.

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