While the father of this baby says he will be around for whatever his child needs... he made it quite clear a week ago (a month after I found out I was pregnant) that he has no feelings for me in that way, and that we wouldn't ever be together. It's taken me a week full of crying, and hormones and hating life, and today and yesterday I started feeling better... that I will be okay, WE will be okay... she/he will have a father, I truly believe that... even if he and I aren't together... I am 3 months tomorrow. Hello second trimester...
Though today an argument started, after he started saying 'when you have more kids with your future husband' - which pissed me off, don't rub in my face that you're not interested in me... by saying something like 'future husband', there's no need. None... I'm well aware. If you want to ask about later in life if I have more kids, great.... but to throw in 'with another man' after just a week of you shattering everything I THOUGHT was happening, and completely blindsided me... JERK.
I made a comment, and asked him to be more considerate of things he says to me... if for no other reason, I'm hormonal... and I WILL use that as an excuse!
The response? 'The irony... you're talking about fairness.' This is the type of thing he says, when he's referring to my deciding to keep the baby... because he wasn't ready, he didn't want me to keep the baby... but to him I've forced him into this and (and I quote) 'Robbed him of what he wanted' which was to be married before having babies. HI, ME TOO. I WANTED TO BE MARRIED TOO! I had a dream too! But clearly LIFE happened! He says stuff like this every other day... and it's BEYOND hurtful. I feel like he's holding the fact that I didn't get an abortion over my head... and I clearly can't respond without it causing a HUGE fight.
Quite frankly... from what I've read, isn't this suppose to be one of the happiest times of a woman's life? She's growing a little human, she's watching her whole world and body change, and life change, for the better... she is going to be responsible for a little human. And I've never been more sad. I have not heard congratulations from a single soul. Not my family... not him... all he does is make me feel bad about it. And I want so desperately to be happy.
I expect many of you will say 'cut him off' and just don't deal with it. But he's involved in all the appointments, and wants to be according to him... he IS the other half of this, and I can't see myself just cutting him off.
I can't imagine I'm the only one to deal with stupid comments, I just don't know how to cope, I don't. I would really like some guidance as to how to cope or deal with this though... it seems NO ONE is happy about this baby but me, and after things like this I can't help but cry and think I made the wrong choice - but I KNOW I didn't. I don't regret this baby, it may not have been planned but this is my baby and I LOVE this baby... and I'm so angry that he makes me feel this way, and so angry that I can't control it enough to just brush it off and not care. I know things may not be easy with this baby, and things may be tight or we may even struggle, but I KNOW I will be fine. And I know I can love this baby like no one else could ever love this baby, that's why he/she was given to ME.
And now I'm crying again so I'm shutting up. Please be easy.