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19 mth old biting, hiting and pulling hair :(

NYMOM101511NYMOM101511 member
in Working Moms
Today i received a text from the daycare.  my daughter bit someone, hit someone, and pulled someones hair, all by 10:30am.  This is the first time she's ever done something like.  Usually her daily reports are great,  she plays with the other children,  naps and eats when she should, etc.  I've had her come home a few times with a few bites and scratches which I expect from daycare. Now i'm on the other end of it. How have other moms handled this type of situation?  At the daycare they give time outs and my husband and I also give her time outs at home when shes being bad.  We also sit down and talk to her, but i'm not sure how much she is really taking in, since she just turned 19 mths. 
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Re: 19 mth old biting, hiting and pulling hair :(

  • NYMOM101511NYMOM101511 member
    The day care told me it was because she didn't want to share toys or she wanted someone else's toys. They brought her to the side, calmed her down, and spoke with her. Then they gave her a time out, after she was calm. I'm just trying to figure out the best way to handle it as a mom.  Right now she's my only one with one on the way. 
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  • MommyAttyMommyAtty member
    At this point, there isn't much you can do other than learn what language they use and then model that at home. Like, do they say "we don't bite" and "it's not okay to scratch" or do they say "we don't hurt our friends." And when she's playing nicely with toys, praise her for being gentle. (Best tip, btw, I got from our pediatrician about having 2 in 21 mos was to start talking about the concepts of gentle and careful long before the new baby is here, so these lessons will do double-duty for you.)
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  • NYMOM101511NYMOM101511 member
    Thank you all for your great advise.  I started the time outs at home because the daycare started doing it, and i felt we should be doing the same.  She does recognize she did something wrong, because she gets really upset when she's in the time outs.  I leave her there for a minute (they say to keep them there every minute of their age).  But, i'm not sure if is relating the two together, so she may still be too young for them. I'm not really sure :(.  But like you said,  I guess i just need to give this time and keep recognizing what is causing the issue.

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  • SunAndRainSunAndRain member
    I totally agree with time outs. This is what my pedi, mother of 5, recommended by 18 mo of age.

    I will admit that my DD went through a biting and longing phase that lasted for several months. Time outs were not working though we were consistent. One day she bit me hard and I smacked her arm hard enough to surprise her and she cried. She went straight in to time out. Oddly the biting and pinching episodes all but stopped after that. I'm not advocating smack a child around but two things: 1) for my dd this phase did not appear to be improving despite consistent time outs and 2) kids are smart and know when they are getting away with something. For whatever reason the time outs were not phasing her. Flame away
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  • nattyncbridenattyncbride member
    My DS, who if anything was usually the passive one, was biting at this exact age.  It was for the same reason: wanting a toy/having a toy taken away.  It's a tricky age- they are on the edge of being able to communicate cleary, but not there yet (or at least my DS was not). Either they cannot verbalize very well, or their verbal cues are not being heard by their peers.  

    In our case, DS was not talking too much, but could totally understand what we said.  We told him regardless of how he feels, biting is not OK.  I got books about biting from the library and he would point to the book and say 'Biting bad!'.  He had to learn to communicate in a way other thank clamping down on another kid's flesh?!  We would teach him to say 'No' or 'Yes' very clearly, and also tell him having toys taken away is part of life with other kids (not sure how much that sunk in).  He stopped within a month or so.  The teachers were all over him which also helped.

    He did not bite at home, so I was unable to time him out.

    It's a phase.  Try to emphasize communication that does not involve teeth, have the teachers stay on top of it, and it should go away soon.  I know how you feel!  Good luck!!
    If being a math nerd is wrong, I don't wanna be right!
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