Intro! Single mom to be...(longggggg)

nikabeaka · October 2014

Hi! I've been lurking on and off for a while so I figured I'd finally introduce myself. I apologize for this being so long but no one in my real life really knows what I'm going through and I really need to vent.

My bf and I currently live together but have just made the decision to go our seperate ways once the lease is up in a few months. We've been together for 2 years and pretty much have always had a rocky relationship. We've been through cheating, job loss, and overall just bad luck. Although all of these things happened before I got pregnant I still made the decision to stick around and work through it because I "loved him so much". We weren't necessarily in a good place when we found out I was pregnant either and although I don't judge those who make the difficult decision to have an abortion, that was never an option for me. This whole time we've been trying to stick it out, but as always, there's just been a billion other things occupying his mind and resulting in him not really being there for me the way I would've liked. I know that in a lot of ways I put myself in this situation and I have no one to blame or point the finger at but myself. But I just never thought that I'd become a single mother.

A billion and one things are running through my head. I have to prepare financially to raise a child on my own and still afford to pay my bills. I hurt so bad for my son, who's going to have to split holidays and live in a household with only one parent. He's never going to get the traditional family experience that I've always wanted to give my child. My emotions are all over the place and I prayed and prayed that this would never happen, but at this point i truly beleive it must be for the best.

I have no doubt in my mind that my bf will be there for my son and be an amazing father, but for all you other single moms, how do you do it? How do you handle being superwoman and the primary provider on your own? I guess I just need to hear that everything will be ok and that it's possible to be a single mother but STILL be happy.

tig594 · October 2014

We do it because there really isn't any other choice. It's tiring and stressful but at the same time very rewarding.

Why do you think you're child will never experience a traditional family? These days, families come in all shapes and sizes. Do you plan to never be in a serious relationship again? Will no aunts/uncles/cousins/grandparents be in your LOs life? Is it impossible for you and your soon to be ex to get to a point where you can attend events and be amicable to each other?

I don't think many people really WANT to be a single parent. So many think it's just going to be the end of the world having to do it alone. Realistically, you don't know what your future holds and going into single parenthood expecting the worst seems like you're borrowing trouble, to me.

Even if I never date again, I will still be a happy (and sometimes stressed) single mom. I can't NOT be happy spending my evenings with my beautiful daughter playing with her blocks, watching Rio for the 345th time, yelling at her to keep her hands out of the toilet or stop eating dog food, snuggling up in bed together, listening her holler to the "goggies" to get in the house, and hearing her whisper "hi" to me with that gorgeous smile on her face.

jellybean529 · October 2014

This was very telling -- my DD, who is six, is doing "tally charts" in school this week, and they did a tally of those who lived with mom, lived with dad, or lived with both and an overwhelming majority of the class lived in single parent households or split their time between mom and dad. Your son will not be alone in this world as a child of a single parent

In terms of splitting holidays, think about it this way -- to you, it seems like splitting things, but to him it will probably seem like TWICE the holidays. He'll get one with mom AND with dad, since he will have no frame of reference for having the holidays all together. How cool is that?

None of this single parenting stuff is easy, but it's so worth it. I try really hard these days to look at the positives and ignore the negatives. Hang in there, and feel free to stick around and post/vent whenever needed.

Unknown · October 2014

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nikabeaka · October 2014

Thanks for the responses! I'm normally the type to be grateful for everything I do have despite the obstacles I have to go through but it's still so early on in the process that I'm just terrified like "omg how am I going to do this alone? This was never the plan" but of course I know it will get done because for the sake of my son I need to be as strong as possible and raise him to be an emotionally stable human being. I just wish that I could provide him with the lifestyle of having both mommy and daddy in a home who love each other but at this point of course it would have to eventually be a little less traditional which is fine. Right now I'm just trying to prepare myself for what's to come and the struggles that being a single mom brings. It's just hard to face emotionally when you know there's an expiration date on your relationship and ur going from one plan to the next.