Ways to deal with BFN?

emilycatlady · October 2014

i'm so sick of month after month and nothing except disappointment

I don't understand why our bodies throws all these symptoms at us then basically says "haha not really its just AF"
I'm constantly googling symptoms and convincing myself I must be pregnant to find out its all wrong.

How do other people cope? Any ways to distract myself and not feel so bad?

I hope not to offend anyone I just need someone else's perspective all my friends and family must be so sick of hearing about it from me, they always just tell me the same thing which is fine and I appreciate their advice but it doesn't really help any

SND1231 · October 2014

I try to keep busy... I am a full time college student and work also so I am busy as it is.. But I also volunteer alot, craft, make wreaths, etc... I just keep busy and try not to let it consume me.. Doesn't always work but it helps..

emilycatlady · October 2014

I find it really difficult not to fixate. I'm not working at the moment or studying, I'm in the middle of taking a break from life while I'm dealing with depressiom and anxiety. I don't like to use that as an excuse because it sort of makes me feel silly and a bit ashamed but basically it means I'm sitting around not doing much. Hopefully I can start trying to distract myself and get a better thought pattern going.
Thank you for your advice

Ann612 · October 2014

First, stop Googling symptoms. I did that in the beginning, and would take every.little.thing my body did as a sign that I could be pregnant. Finally I learned that you're basically never going to experience symptoms before you get a positive result. Not second guessing every stomach ache or boob tenderness helped.

There was a thread on here a week or so ago about treating yourself to something nice after getting the news. A pedicure, a purse, whatever makes you feel good. I think that's a pretty good idea too.

emilycatlady · October 2014

Okay no more google. I'll do my best for that one, it's just so easy and convenient!

emilycatlady · October 2014

But I guess it's nothing compared to how it makes me feel afterwards

Tiko99 · October 2014

Honestly when I get a BFN I drink. Call me an alcoholic, but it's what makes me feel better. I also try to just move on to the next cycle and try not to get too frustrated with myself because I'm doing all I can do. Feel better soon and I'm sorry for all the BFN, infertility SUX.

BunnyBerry · October 2014

At some point in the last 5 years I finally realized that symptoms are nothing. I am looking forward to having pregnancy symptoms when 5-6 weeks pregnant. But I no longer believe in symptoms before then. I've tried noticing how I feel during some random time of the month as much as I pay attention during TWW, and there are the exactly same amount of twinges, cramps, pulling, peeing, etc. For things like sore boobs and nausea, I started tracking all symptoms on FF for a few months and saw my typical symptom progression through the LP, and also saw my typical spread from month to month. For example, when I O with the left, my boobs don't get sore until a couple days before AF, but when I O with the right, they get sore a day before to a day after O and then just get worse.

So basically, I had to feel crappy about not being KU for a lot of months, then feel guilty and stupid for getting excited about the symptoms that I knew were nothing for a lot of months, and finally recently I am pretty chill except for the last couple days of each TWW. (I've found nothing that can stop the horrendous, pointless fixation that comes on 12DPO!)

emilycatlady · October 2014

Thank you @BunnyBerry‌ and everyone else.
Your advice and feedback is very much appreciated. I'll focus on not getting caught up in symptoms and hopefully that will help. And finding a hobby is definitely in my to do list. I've been crotchet recently but i stupidly started making a blanket for "Aurora" (the only girl name I've ever considered) and it put me off a bit

xx

LindseyM2012 · October 2014

I am mobile so I can't see if you have a siggy or your diagnosis, but I'll say what works for me. I've asked my RE what my chances of conceiving are without ovulation inducing meds and adjust my expectations accordingly. Based on my tests, chances are pretty much nil so I've stopped testing altogether. That being said, my cycles are incredibly irregular so I don't get that monthly reminder of a BFN. This doesn't mean my last blood work my RE ran (which included hcg to check if I could start Provera) didn't sting when everything came back negative. It just made it sting a little less.

emilycatlady · October 2014

@LindseyM2012‌
I might do that then, find out exactly what my chances are and go from there. I'm starting to temp again and use opk's so that will give me an idea on if there actually an O going on and then that will let me know if there's any possibility while I'm waiting for testing to get done.

@rainbowbridge14‌ meditation sounds good, thanks for those suggestions. My doctor already advised meditation for my anxiety so I'll give that a go too

mmmKayy · October 2014

I'm with @Tiko99‌ .. My BFN means I can now enjoy a glass (or bottle) of wine <<I only drink during AF while doing treatments>>. It's like, I'm sad I'm not PG, but it gets offset with the joy of being able to drink again.

emilycatlady · October 2014

That definitely sounds like a good idea right about now

haha

mrskimmell · October 2014

I try to hold of testing as long as I can. I try to wait till I am at least four days late. Just to keep my self from staring and going through tons of sticks. It's doesn't make the hurt any less, just feels like I can prolong it. It's hard though, thinking THIS COULD BE THE MONTH!!! I'm so sorry. Just take deep breaths. I hope you get that BFP soon! Inserting internet hugs here!

kristyn831 · October 2014

BFN used to really bother me, now it's almost expected. Not getting my hopes up lessens the blow. I'm sure I'll be very upset if this first IVF doesn't do the trick. But, to answer your question - work, sleep, tv, alcohol, Zoloft, not necessarily in that order.

emilycatlady · October 2014

thanks guys, very good suggestions there. i especially like the ones about drinking

haha!

i think negative until proven positive is a better outlook to have.

Hollowvic · October 2014

*****child mentioned*****I know BFNs suck, I have a hard time every month also. first, I suggest Wine. Also, I secretly get joy out of watching a toddler in the store having a tantrum and thinking at least I don't have to deal with that. Sounds bad, but whatever gets you through.

emilycatlady · October 2014

i like the idea of replacement therapy @DaydreamSam, i'm going to start doing that too i think

thanks!

burgessbride · October 2014

Seeing this made me feel better because what we are going through is normal! I want to thank you for posting this, it is EXACTLY how I feel! I can only imagine for those of you trying for 6+ months and still seeing negatives! Its nice to know when your normal.

amus112904 · October 2014

I thank you for posting this. I struggle with depression too and BFN after BFN has made it worse. I'm to focused on wanting to be a mom. I'm trying to focus on enjoying alone time with my DH until we can add a baby into the mix.

RositaRae · October 2014

I ran into an old college classmate of mine and she had the news to share she was expecting. I got a BFN this morning at 13dpo so I bought 3 bottles of wine on my way home. I won't bust them out until I'm 100% sure it's negative, but they will we waiting for me when that moment comes!

emilycatlady · October 2014

I'm the same @RositaRae‌... I don't often drink but I'm going to do my best not to let AF ruin my month. I'm 12dp my "assumed ovulation" so I'll get my drinking glasses ready

emilycatlady · October 2014

@amus112904‌ we're in the same boat. The BFN makes the depression worse and the reaction to the BFN makes the depression worse. I'm hoping my 6 month stint on the bench will help me break that cycle, I'm always around if you ever need someone to vent to

x

SuzyHomemaker07 · October 2014

I'm struggling with obsessing over and anxiety from it, it's like a terrible cycle that feed eachother. I, ofcourse, suggest wine...look at my avatar pic

lol I'm still looking for other modes of destress so thanks for posting!

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