NBR: credit card gets declined. Should you be embarrassed?

CanukMam · October 2014

So I went out to lunch today and both of my credit cards get declined!! One card had a 'suspicious' charge and the credit card company put a hold on it. The other card was an old card, I had gotten a replacement and had accidentally thrown out the wrong one. I had cash, so no big deal.

Anyway the first thing hubby said was 'that must have been embarassing' but honestly it hadn't even occured to me to be embarrassed. Is it the first conclusion people jump to, to assume my card was declined because I'm over limit? Hubby seems to think so. Meanwhile the waitress (I'm a regular at this place) seemed very concerned that my cards were compromised somehow and she did seem sincere about it.

What do you think? Would you be embarassed?

robsbabygirl08 · October 2014

I don't know if you "should" but I definitely would.

CanukMam · October 2014

Well I guess the should comes from the question: is the first thing people think is that its declined because its maxed out? If that is the case, then others would consider it an embarassing situation for me to be in.

Jellybean707 · October 2014

I'm not sure on this one. Do I think you SHOULD be embarrased? No.

The 2 times I've been declined in the last 5 years or so have not been due to being over limit. I had one card that expired and I hadn't realized it and I had one shut off becuase I made a large purchase that was out of character.

Was I embarrased? Yup. I even contemplated showing my account balance to the clerk to prove I had money! Luckily cooler heads prevailed and I just called the bank.

cassied7 · October 2014

This happened to me last week. My card was expired and I forgot to activate the new one. I don't think I should have been embarrassed, but I was...

shannjohnston · October 2014

I voted SS because of semantics. "Should" you be embarrassed? It depends why it's declined.

If you are declined because you are over your limit, I'll be the snarky one and say yes you should be embarrassed.

If you are declined because of a security breach/expiration/etc., then no you should not be embarrassed.

I think most people assume you are declined because you're over the limit. I'd be embarrassed whatever the reason for the decline because of that assumption.

MusicFanatic · October 2014

It's happened to me- not because of max funds, but other things. The last time it happened I had gotten a new debit card in the mail because my previous expired and I had called to activate but something happened and it never actually did. And yes, I was embarrassed. I had NO cash on me and no credit cards because I didn't feel like lugging my purse around and just stuck my debit in my pocket. Oops? It was in Target and I had to actually tell them I couldn't pay and had to put the stuff back. I assumed they though I had no money on the card (especially since I had no other means to pay right then).

CanukMam · October 2014

Thats the question really. If we deem this to be a situation where you should be embarrassed because the assumption is that you are over limit. The machines never say why you are declined (correct me if I'm wrong here) so how can anyone know the real reason except the card holder.

If I knew I was over limit and made the cashier run through a bunch of cards trying to buy groceries or something, yes I personally would be embarrassed to be in that situation but for others to make assumptions, be embarrassed for me and expect me to be embarrassed automatically just because a card is declined...I think that is a stretch. Cards are declined all the time, machines fail, chips/strips stop working, security holds, etc ..

CanukMam · October 2014

Agree that it sucks having to put stuff back though. I actually forgot my wallet once, got them to hold my stuff, ran to the bank next door and got cash by rhyming off all my details to the teller. I had my client card memorized and everything. I was very surprised that worked.

I also forgot my wallet another time picking up pizza, called my hubby who gave me my card # over the phone and the cashier just punched the card # in. .... Reading this makes me think I forget my wallet too much

honeybeee3 · October 2014

I agree with @Robs Baby Girl‌ I don't think anyone "should" be embarrassed about it. For me it would depend on the circumstances. I would definitely be embarrassed if I didn't have cash and it left someone else stuck with the bill. Since you were still able to pay for it, I don't think it's all that embarrassing.

CanukMam · October 2014

Yes agree there, having to ask for someone to cover for you can be embarrassing. It is also highly dependent on who you are with. If you are out with a client, it would be very embarrassing vs out with close friends is NBD

Maebb · October 2014

My card was declined (it had expired, and I didn't realize it) one time at Aldi, and all my other cards were ones they don't take, so I had to pay with cash. I was just embarrassed for seeming disorganized and frazzled and holding up the line.

One time at CVS I realized that I didn't have my wallet on me (I had put it in a different bag), but I did have $20 cash, so I had to decide which items to put back. DS was with me, and I was buying diapers, deodorant, and a razor for DH. The lady behind me in line was so sweet and offered to pay for the balance, but I refused because I didn't really need everything right then, and we weren't struggling financially. I wasn't embarrassed but more just touched that someone would be so nice.

robsbabygirl08 · October 2014

This reminds of my most embarrassing "check out" story. We were hosting a Super Bowl party and I was buying all the grocery stuff. My stuff was all bagged up and loaded in the cart, I reached in my purse and pulled out what I thought was my wallet.....nope, it was my giant ass TI calculator (I was in school at the time). I had almost $400 worth of beer and groceries. I wanted to die. Luckily, one of the guys coming to the party walked by and asked what was going on. He paid for it all and I just gave him the cash when he got to the house. But I was seriously mortified.

motherboy · October 2014

Yeah I've gotten so many new cards lately because of the breaches at target and home depot, I wouldn't be surprised if something like this happens to me. And I def would be embarrassed because I never have cash. I'm that annoying person at QT using her card for $1.25 soda. Whateva, I do what I want!

Beauxbaton · October 2014

I say no. With all the breaches (as a PP said) people are getting new cards all the time. Also a lot.of banks have fraud protection that will stop your cars after like 5 "unusual" purchases or something. I can't even remember how many times our bank put a hold on our card while on vacation.

idontevenknow · October 2014

No... I used to be a waitress, and this would happen at least once every other week. I would irrationally be embarrassed for the guest, but no judgement was ever made.

emilyp2013 · October 2014

I never think that hard about other peoples' credit situations. And if it were my card declined, I wouldn't care even slightly what the clerk/waitress/etc. assumed was the cause. So...no, I wouldn't be embarrassed.

MrsNoopoom · October 2014

I have been declined soooooo many times. The worst was in an airport, my DH and I were starving and the card company decided we were suspicious (I guess because we were traveling) and got declined. We couldn't find an ATM that took our debit cards so we had to pool our change together, never been so happy to find cash at the bottom of my purse! Best 2 coffees and 2 muffins ever!...I use to get embarrassed because I didn't want people to think I couldn't manage my money. Now I don't care, I'm just more annoyed that I have to call the company again and tell them it's really me. We live out of the country so they constantly think someone's stolen my card even though they know where I live and call them everytime we travel.

No need to be embarrassed, it happens to everyone.

[Deleted User] · October 2014

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LooneyLife · October 2014

My debit card was declined at Kohls last week. I was instantly embarrassed even though I knew I had done nothing to be embarrassed of. I likely just fat fingered my PIN. They ran it again and it went through.

So I don't know that you should be embarrassed, I just know I would be.

lilydolce · October 2014

I think you come to a point in your adult life where you shouldn't really care what people think as long and your not hurting anybody. Would I have been embarrassed not even slightly. If this was a couple of years I would be turning red like a tomato

CanukMam · October 2014

lilydolce said:

I think you come to a point in your adult life where you shouldn't really care what people think as long and your not hurting anybody. Would I have been embarrassed not even slightly. If this was a couple of years I would be turning red like a tomato

Love this

I'm totally there, going through childbirth and having a child has absolutely changed me. I give no fucks anymore

nah82 · October 2014

I worked at a grocery store for years and cards got declined for so many reasons besides being over limit, I wouldn't immediately assume that was the reason.

UberBiz · October 2014

Robs Baby Girl said:

I don't know if you "should" but I definitely would.

This, I'm sure not everyone would be, but I absolutely have been

mking2190 · October 2014

I am a manager at a bank. It happens ALL the time. Cards get declined due to being locked for a suspicious transaction, card expired, going over your "daily limit" on the card and other reasons. Also sometimes the card system goes "down" and only allows you a daily limit of $100 or $200 until it gets fixed and comes back up. Don't be embarrassed. I get phone calls daily with issues with debit cards not working.

SheHulk723 · October 2014

It doesn't bother me. I budget very well and know that I'm never even close to the limit on my card, so I would know it wasn't from over-spending or not paying a bill or anything. It happened to me one time actually, in front of a guy on a first date. It really didn't bother me and it turned out there was a 'suspicious' charge on my card as well.

GirlWithAnchors · October 2014

I'd only be embarrassed if I was holding up a big line to be honest. Lol other than that no I wouldn't for the actual declining. I'm more embarrassed when I forget my wallet which happens too often.