New mom having trouble coping

svl5683 · October 2014

Hi ladies; I had a great pregnancy and birth. Came home week and a half ago with our daughter who is healthy and beautiful. The problem is I'm having a hard time coping with this new schedule. It's not as severe as depression but I am overwhelmed often and feel really weepy and scared. My husband has been great and very supportive. The sleepless nights are tough and she has been crying from about 9pm till midnight or later the past two nights. My milk supply seems to be okay in the daytime but not enough to keep her satisfied at night. There are hours where my milk isn't coming in or my let down just isn't happening and I feel like I'm failing as a mom and a wife. The thought spiral is something like: "You can't make enough milk, you must not love her enough, you aren't fit to be a mom, your daughter and husband deserve better than this." I feel awful that I can't pull it together. My husband wakes up in the night and finds me and her crying together. He is due to return to work in just a couple days and I'm terrified of being alone with her and being the sole care provider. I don't know how I'll do it.

I can see from the outside that this is actually not a bad situation. I have a healthy baby, supportive partner and stable home. Financially we have to be careful for now but should be fine. We even have family around to help out and bring food over. So why am I so scared? Is it normal to feel so lost and weepy? I just want to know that I'm not the only one out here who isn't having a blissed out new mommy experience and that it will pass. I'm not having any feelings or thoughts of hurting myself or the baby; I love her more than I can say. It's part of the reason I feel so terrible that I can't seem to make this transition.

kearls227 · October 2014

Having a newborn has got to be one of the hardest things ever. I agree, no one tells you how emotional you will be. I cried every day for the first week I was home with LO. I couldn't wait for DH to get home to hand off responsibilities as I was so overwhelmed. As I continued to recover from my c section and as I got to understand my LO better, things hit easier. Each day got a little bit better. I still get overwhelmed at times but I'm not crying daily anymore!

LO is just over 4 weeks now.

I hope each day gets easier for you!

dal2aus · October 2014

I don't know if it's normal, but this is totally how I felt the first couple of weeks. I was tired, starving, and had a very short fuse. I fought with my mom and my husband almost every night. In fact, my husband and I argued on the way home from the hospital (completely warranted, he screwed up the car seats). My twins are now 5 weeks old, and while it's still difficult, it's definitely better than when they were 2-3 weeks old. You get wiser and more confident and your hormones settle down. The baby will become less fussy and start to sleep longer. It just takes time. You just went through 9 months of a major physical endeavor and completed either major surgery (C-section) or physical trauma with a vag delivery. It's hard to recover from that and then have to learn how to care for a newborn.Be patient with yourself, and demand that those around you (your husband and other support people) step up to the plate and take care of you.

dal2aus · October 2014

Also, breastfeeding is hard. No one tells you that while you're pregnant. They make it seem like it so natural, so if it doesn't come easily there's something wrong with you. That's a lie. Breastfeeding is hard work, and your ability to do it has nothing to do with how good a mom you are. If you haven't done so, go see a lactation consultant. They have ways to help you get your supply up.

mustangholly · October 2014

you are completely normal. took me till about 3 weeks to start leveling out my hormones. lots of tears and fears. I promise it gets better. what helped me was having a little bit of me time. try taking a nice bath when ur husband is home. even an hour to watch a favorite TV show and just get a break alone really helped me feel better. I also walk LO every day for at least 30 mins. getting out makes a big difference.

MrsLaLaBug · October 2014

Yes yes yes to everything already said here. It's hard. It does get better. And everything you're feeling is totally normal.

midwestFNP · October 2014

Ditto to everything said! I'm a FTM with a 10 week old and I cried a ton in the first couple of weeks. I cried because a dresser I ordered wasn't delivered when she got home from the hospital, I had a meltdown thinking about a car accident we were in when I was 8 weeks pregnant, I cried when her pediatrician appointment had to be pushed back a day. You are not alone as others have said. Just take it one day at a time. Like what @Idani‌ said, set small goals for each day (empty dishwasher, get dressed, etc!). If you don't get it done then so be it! I am back to work now and things are going good but looking back on my maternity leave I put way too much pressure on myself to be this perfect wife and mother. Don't do that. Just enjoy getting to know your LO and do what works for you. Everything falls into place eventually. I do strongly recommend getting out of the house every couple of days, even if it's just to grab a coffee or something. Most of my leave was unpaid but I still went to lunch once or twice a week with my LO and met up with friends. DH understood that I needed to get out of the house. That helped keep me sane. Hugs mama!

junebug555 · October 2014

You're doing a great job and your feelings are so normal! I was such an emotional wreck with my first child that my husband didn't want to have more children because I stressed myself out over everything, especially with bf. I felt like I was failure to my DD for not providing enough milk. My DR at my 6 wk appt told me to switch to formula and bf was not for everyone. FOR ME, although that was the hardest thing for me to give up, once I gave up bf, all that stress lifted off my shoulders. Now, i have a healthy 3 1/2 yo and a beautiful 1 month old as well. Second time around, I'm totally not as stressed and not having problems with bf. Don't be fooled, it's still hard and I need more sleep!

wieb67 · October 2014

Totally normal and no one told me this either! My baby is just over a month now and I felt so much happier and more confident after the first two weeks. As a previous poster mentioned, it's so worth it to see a lactation consultant, if only to get confirmation that you are doing everything right. I had someone come to my house and she has been checking in on me via email. So helpful!

Ahlome08 · October 2014

It's completely normal to be weepy, irritated, anxious, etc for the first few weeks after birth. I was a wreck for about two weeks because I was so afraid I wasn't going to wake up when LO did or something would go wrong. If you are still feeling this way after a few weeks, however, I would call your OB.

nilvero · October 2014

You are normal! I was a hot mess the first month of my LO's life, especially bc of bfing issues. It will get better. I know what helped me was having someone come over during the day when DH went back to work. My mom still comes over once a week to help.

Definitely connect with a good LC. That's helped me a lot too. Sending you hugs!

foreverapartofme · October 2014

Hugs mama! With my first, I was an emotional mess like that at the beginning. Between hormones, being more over tired than you have ever been, struggling with breastfeeding, and everything else, it can get quite overwhelming! Try to nap when your LO naps and try to rest as much as possible! Don't worry because all the other household chores will get done eventually. Definitely touch base with a lactation consultant, the sooner the better. Also, know that it is okay to supplement or just formula feed if you need to as well. No one tells you but adjusting to life with baby is tough and so is bf! It does get better. You are doing great, so just hang in there, and definitely surround yourself with supportive people/family, and you'll see in a few more weeks things will be so much better!

shackbarth1982 · October 2014

Your story is like a mirror image of what I experienced and I can tell you things get so much better as time goes on. My baby is 3 months and I'm starting to finally feel normal human being and hormones to getting back to normal. I had a horrible time with breastfeeding and it only made matters worse. I'm still getting over the fact that I couldn't make enough milk. My doctor suggested I use formula and life got better because I was so depressed, anxious and everyone had their opinons.

Try and get the most support you can, your doctor, lactation consultant, new mommy groups, excercise classes with your baby, etc. It will make a world of difference!

Sounds like you are doing a great job!

MrsStanger · October 2014

everyone has had great advice! Dont forget to keep taking your prenatal vitamins! it should help with your hormones

Just remember everything you just went through. You are an amazing human being and it truly does get easier...The plus side is it also gets so SO much better!

Bekka1987 · October 2014

I was the same way for the first few weeks. It gradually got better. I had to quit breastfeeding at three weeks and I felt like the worst mom ever and cried all the time. No one can explain how that kind of sleep deprivation and hormones can make you feel. But I promise it did get better. Especially as he started sleeping for longer periods of time. Talk to your husband and any other supportive family members you have. Don't be afraid to ask for help and be specific about what you need: more sleep, time to eat a decent meal, time out of the house, or just someone to talk to and spend time with. I found that sitting outside in the sun everyday even for a few minutes helped me and having some someone to talk to.

svl5683 · October 2014

Thanks so much ladies. It's good to know I'm not alone in feeling this way and that it will pass. It seems neverending at the moment but you have all made me feel so much better. Thank you to everyone who took some time to reach out. I'm so glad this community of mom's is so warm and accessable.

New mom having trouble coping

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