Moms of older kids need advice

Re: Moms of older kids need advice

• Caitlinh27 member

  October 2014

  I don't have advice but I'm sorry your feeling so run down. I have a hard enough time not losing my patience with one child sometimes, so I can't imagine two. Sounds like you could use a little "me time!"

   

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• 74dragonfly member

  October 2014

  @nabours3 I have tried that a few times. last Friday I took baby to daycare and went to pumpkin patch school trip with her, then took her to lunch, then home and played Uno. two weeks ago took her Halloween costume shopping. 

  I like your point about explaining to her why I need help the first time. Thanks!

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  

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• 74dragonfly member

  October 2014

  @caitlinh27 you mean me time isnt going to grocery store all by myself? ha ha ha 

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  

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• Caitlinh27 member

  October 2014

  74dragonfly said:

  @caitlinh27 you mean me time isnt going to grocery store all by myself? ha ha ha 

  LOL. No!

   

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• notkateanymore member

  October 2014

  Does she help you with DS? Does she want to? Getting DD to help with DS has really helped her husband what a pain in the ass he is. LOL Seriously though, getting her to help has let her see that it's very overwhelming and time consuming, so she understands that I can't be there for her as much. I do make a point to spend time with just her though, every week, even if it's for a couple of hours.

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• juliagulia38 member

  October 2014

  I'm in the same boat as you. Ever since LO was born DS has been out of control. I don't even know what to do anymore. Nothing is working. He is almost 5. He gets mad at LO and will take it out on her. He's been pushing her and I don't understand why. I punish him for it but he still continues to do it. I stay home and I think he gets tired of being cooped up inside. I'm sorry you are going through this!

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• MissyC979 member

  October 2014

  I get like that sometimes with DS1 too (he's almost 5). Then he reacts to me reacting and it's a horrible cycle. He's also been getting frustrated with LO lately, mostly because the baby will try to play with his toys and drool all over them.
  
  For things like chores, I like a chore chart. I feel like that gives them a little more control because they are working toward/earning something, rather than just being told. We've done that off and on with DS1 and it works well for a little while and seems to get us out of the nagging cycle. I also try to choose my battles. Once I put my foot down, I always follow through--so I have to decide when to put my foot down in the first place, if that makes sense. Sometimes, the battle isn't worth it, so I try to recognize that from the beginning.
  

  
  
  
  

  

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• FutureMrsCaesar member

  October 2014

  I can relate.  DS1 is just a little older than your DD but we definitely have behavior challenges.  My DH travels for work a lot so I'm always feeling spread VERY thin.   Things that might help your situation specifically are not waiting until the last thing before you leave or go to bed to have her clean up her room and brush teeth.  By that point you're both probably tired and stressed.  Also for DS1 a chore chart/star chart is very helpful.  if I have to ask him twice to do something, no star.  The end goal of the star chart changes but this week every star = 10 mins of screen time (he just got a DS for his bday so he's very motivated by that), but in the past it's been a new build a bear outfit, lego, etc.  

  
  

  He is very needy in the attention department.  He wants attention, be it positive or negative.  DS2 wants physical closeness, so figuring out what they need has also been key.  If I make time for DS2 to just sit on my lap he's happy for a while, whereas with DS1 we have to to be constantly engaged in conversation for him to feel fulfilled...makes for a busy day:)  

  
  

   
   
  

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• fauxvegan member

  October 2014

  I still have the same issues with DD1. You'd think it would be easier with her being 14 but not by much. I do explain to her that the baby requires so much care and attention. She gets it. I've tried spending some time with her. When I cook dinner she'll sit at the table and we'll have a conversation about school and her friends. So just spend time with your kiddo doing little things she likes. Her attitude seems to change when I ask her to help with LO.
  
  I agree with picking your battles. You can also make it a game when it comes to cleaning her room. Time her and see if she can beat her own time the next day. Making a chart with her chores may also help. When you tell her to clean her room you need to tell her exactly what to do. For example, say put all your stuffed animals in the basket as opposed to just clean your room.
  
  I know it's hard to be patient when you're already so tired, but just try. Setting aside time for yourself (by yourself, not with your H) is super important. Maybe go for a walk or a jog once he gets home. We sometimes don't ask DH for help, but if you don't then start. I've learned to "use" DH so I don't feel so overwhelmed.

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• 74dragonfly member

  October 2014

  I love all the ideas and sympathy. Thank you. I am going to try the chore chart and the clock for a race to clean her room. 

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  

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• notkateanymore member

  October 2014

  I will give a warning on the clock...if she is like my daughter the clock will make things worse! DD can't be timed for stuff like that. Makes her so nervous, she melts down!

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• katebusse member

  October 2014

  We have a daily behavior chart for my 3yr old. Its for little things like playing with blocks after dinner or going to volleyball games. The threat of a sad face makes her mind, and the happiness of a smile face and obtaining the desired outcome is great!

   

   

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