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How would you react?

Princess_LilyPrincess_Lily member
edited October 2014 in Special Needs
So I finally told a friend (of 16yrs) everything we have been going through for the past few years with DS. We are pretty private people, so it took a lot for me (especially now) to let my guard down about this to another person other than very close family. At the same time, something was said after that I need to bounce off you guys

The other day we were invited to a gtg at night and I was thinking about bringing the kids. While mulling it over outloud she said, "Maybe its not a good idea to bring DS, because he'll run off.". "No he wont, he'll be fine," I said. We decided not to go, just because it would be too hard on DD, time wise...abs we couldn't get a babysitter.

It seems to be easier for her (no kids yet) to grasp the personality of babies rather than older children - with older children she seems to get exacerbated quickly.

Would you be off put by this? I also dont know if Im just oversensitive and being momma bear protective in general too.

She isn't a mean spirited person, but she doesn't seem very older kid friendly...if that makes any sense. A lot of our friends are having babies or have had children and I think she's growing a little irritated that she is hasn't had any. She is outspoken normally, but there seems to be an undercurrent of resentment brewing.

Every time I've seen her she has an opinion about our friends parenting skills. I feel like I want to talk to the friend and find out if she is sensing the same changes too - but I don't want to talk smack about friends.
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Re: How would you react?

  • MirandaHobbesMirandaHobbes member
    edited October 2014
    I'm sorry, it's really frustrating when you feel like your best friends aren't on board. None of my good friends have kids. It's a blessing and a curse. None of them have a clue when it comes to kids and behaviors. They all have dogs and they have actually said recently that dogs are harder because "you can't plunk them down in front of the TV like you can with kids." It sounds like your friend was making a broad brush generalization that "all kids with autism are runners." Not true. In the beginning I'd try to correct my friends when they made stupid comments, but I'd always sound defensive, so now I say nothing. I offer nothing, too, though. They are my friends to hang out with and not be a parent around, that's enough for me. I've had to find other friends with kids with whom to share parenting strife.
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  • Princess_LilyPrincess_Lily member
    edited October 2014
    The weird thing is, she's been acting like this for a couple years - long before I even discussed the events of the past few years.

    It seems to be a common reaction when the babies around her grow into toddlerhood and onward, and especially when they're boys.
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  • bumpuser511563bumpuser511563 member
    edited October 2014
    MirandaHobbes said:
    I'm sorry, it's really frustrating when you feel like your best friends aren't on board. None of my good friends have kids. It's a blessing and a curse. None of them have a clue when it comes to kids and behaviors. They all have dogs and they have actually said recently that dogs are harder because "you can't plunk them down in front of the TV like you can with kids." It sounds like your friend was making a broad brush generalization that "all kids with autism are runners." Not true. In the beginning I'd try to correct my friends when they made stupid comments, but I'd always sound defensive, so now I say nothing. I offer nothing, too, though. They are my friends to hang out with and not be a parent around, that's enough for me. I've had to find other friends with kids with whom to share parenting strife.
    I couple of weeks ago I had a similar thing from my sister. My sister is marrying a guy who has 3 kids from a previous relationship and they live with him. My sister moved in a couple of months ago. She comes and tells me taking care of 3 kids is much harder than my 1 with ASD. She said she would rather one kid with ASD.

    I told her those 3 kids which will soon be my nieces and nephew are neurotypical and will move out on their own soon. They are only 8,11, and 13. I worry of the day that DS will stay with us the rest of our lives.

    Recently, she said it is now equally hard to care for kids.
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