NBR: Question RE etiquette — The Bump
LGBT Parenting

NBR: Question RE etiquette

I am looking for advise about how to respond to an old friend who just posted on Facebook that she is engaged to a woman. I'm very happy for my friend, but was unaware she was gay (we lost touch three years ago after being close friends throughout high school and college). I messaged her best wishes and a few personal remarks and she responded with thanks, saying it has been forever since we talked and she apologized for not telling me she was gay. My question is (if we start to reconnect): should I bring up her orientation or let her bring it up. I don't want her to feel like she needs to explain herself, but I also don't want her to think I'm ignoring it. I'm sorry for my ignorance, but I do not want to offend my friend, so I hope you don't mind me asking for advice from people who may have a better understanding of her feelings than me.
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Re: NBR: Question RE etiquette

  • I should also add that I don't think my friend needed to apologize for not telling me she was gay. We lost touch; I do not think she was obliged to send a random email or called to tell me this!
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  • I'd just say, "Congratulations on your engagement! Tell me about Mary!" You don't need to ask about her coming out story unless it comes up. Just act like you would to any friend who just announced an engagement.

    Congrats to your friend!
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    [Deleted User]pauljlbfonz619
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  • You treat her just like you'd treat anyone else. You say congrats. If you reconnect and do something like have drinks or dinner, you ask all about her fiancée just like if she were a he: where'd you meet? Where's the wedding? Etc. if it naturally comes up feel free to talk about it, or if it seems like she wants to talk about it. Otherwise, just like you would any other couple.
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    pauljlbfonz619
  • I completely understand where you are coming from, exactly what PP's recommend is your best bet.  Everything will flow naturally into the conversation while catching up and talking about her fiance.
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