I hate to be meeting you all under these circumstances. I've been lurking since I found out last Tuesday that I was no longer pregnant. I was 5 1/2 weeks and I am just devastated. We knew before doing the IUI that my tubes were more narrow in some places but we were hoping that the baby would make it through. When they found the baby in my tubes I felt (and still do) that my body betrayed me, that I trapped my own baby. I know rationally that there's nothing I could have done to prevent this but this pain is almost unbearable. I am inconsolable and I can't bear to speak about it with anyone out loud. The nights have become the worst for me, I can't go to bed unless I've exhausted myself because if I lay there in the dark, before where I would talk to my baby, I now feel haunted and empty. Like I said, I hate to be meeting under these circumstances but I know I need to be here with people who have gone through this.
I'm so sorry you are going through this and I really hope you find some comfort in this group. The ladies here are amazing!! Its hard and it gets harder before it gets better, the nights are tough especially at the beginning but with time it gets better. It doesn't go back to normal, I don't think it ever will be I promise it gets better. I cried everyday for a week and now I cry randomly but not nearly as much. I hope you find comfort in this page and remember you aren't alone, you can always come here if you need to vent or speak to someone.
I just stay optimistic that we'll have our rainbow soon. I don't know how to feel most of the time but the shower is a great place to release it all. The sadness, anger, despair, and ultimately the gratitude that I'm still alive and that I have one good tube left. Saturday I didn't go to sleep until 5 in the morning but last night it was 11. Things will be sporadic, make no sense, but it does get easier I think. Especially after the physical symptoms subside.
Re: Hi everyone