Anyone have a spouse who works from home?

NewFamily09 · October 2014

I'm wondering if I'm alone on this. DH started working from home maybe a year ago and I've tried to take the adjustment well, but I really love my freedom. I like making plans with my kids and spending time with just them. I like being able to leave the house with them and not give someone an explanation. Having DH working from home is driving me crazy. First of all, it makes it so much harder to keep the house clean because there's another person here all the time to dirty more dishes and leave their stuff lying around the house. Maybe if he had a home office, this would work, but instead our bedroom, the living room, and our loft are his office and are always cluttered with random papers and office supplies, laptop cords, etc. Second, he can't work without a TV or radio on... and loud. I like peace and quiet. I could go weeks without turning on a TV, but when he's home there always has to be something turned on. He knows Third, I can't talk to the kids without him saying "what did you say?" or "who just called you?" or "what are you doing?" When he or I leaves the house, he feels the need to call or text me several times. He's not being controlling or checking up on me. It's usually he forgot something, needs me to do something, etc. Every time I try to make a play date or plans to go hang out with other moms and their kids, he wants to tag along. Our kids are preschool age and are not high maintenance anymore so it's not like having an extra person around the house is extremely helpful. He can also be sort of a negative person to be around too, regularly complaining about people and how dumb they are. I'm just feeling cramped and need my space during the day. I feel so bad that I don't want to say anything and hurt his feelings. I love him, but for pete's sake maybe there's a good reason why men have GONE to work for centuries. Any tips for how I can make this work better and not hurt his feelings (he's very sensitive).

Rogue Lily · October 2014

Yep- but I'm not home all day mist of the time. My son & nanny are there (daughter after school , too). We finished our basement and made that my H's workspace , although its not dedicated and we have the same problem with keeping it tidy for general use. During the day, he stays downstairs. I cannot imagine working in the same space as my kids, same for him.
Since everyone is home all day except me, I feel like I'm visiting someone else's house when I get home. I never know where anything is. It's a weird feeling.
I'd recommend a talk about boundaries for you guys. That setup, if I was in your shoes, would make me feel crazy too. And he probably feels the same with the kids in the same space.

[Deleted User] · October 2014

NewFamily09 said:

I love him, but for pete's sake maybe there's a good reason why men have GONE to work for centuries.

This is where you lost me. If that is really your attitude on family roles, I have zero advice.

[Deleted User] · October 2014

Granted, it could be TIC but I sense it is not by the descriptions given.

billybumbler · October 2014

You need to have a talk with your husband. You're a grown woman, tell him when he's working he needs to leave you alone. He does his thing, you do yours. As PPs said he needs to have a contained space to work.

If he needs TV or radio to work he can wear headphones.

Also when my H worked from home for a brief period he paid for the use of a (very cheap) coworking space so he would have somewhere to go and not have to be at home all the time. Maybe you could look into something like that.

zeptattoo · October 2014

Yep, a designated work space would solve a lot of these issues. I would also tell him how this is affecting you. I'm willing to bet he has no idea how this arrangement is not working for you.

Mags748 · October 2014

I work from home when I'm not out seeing patients and I agree that a dedicated work space is a must. DH works outside of the home so the kids go to school and daycare, but there I times when I flex my schedule for whatever reason, and they are home with DH and, I have to go in my office and shut the door or they bug the crap out of me.

I would think it would be very distracting for your husband to be in the midst of all the action and I question how productive he can be when he is so wrapped up in what you and the kids are doing. It would be helpful if you could support your husband by helping him set up a dedicated space behind a closed door and help him to set work time boundaries. Except on breaks and lunch time, he should be in his office and forget about you guys being there. Likewise, you should do your part to keep the kids busy and away from him.

SJandVA · October 2014

My DH works from home a couple days a week. I happen to love it. More help! Like this morning he got gas for my car.

acesup · October 2014

MarlaSinger& said:

NewFamily09 said:

I love him, but for pete's sake maybe there's a good reason why men have GONE to work for centuries.

This is where you lost me. If that is really your attitude on family roles, I have zero advice.

--
Yeah this rubbed me the wrong way.

To answer your main question- I work from home and have a designated work area which helps a lot. It helps me stay organized and helps keep the work stuff and home stuff separate. I think he needs a home office or office area.

My husband is "GONE" to work though so idk if I would bother him if he were home... I do have tv or music on sometimes.

I wrote a fee other things but decided to delete them... It was prob for the best

Rogue Lily · October 2014

It is true that if it's not one thing it's something else.

We've had every single combination of childcare type, working locations, childcare locations ,commute lengths, working from home, not, etc... and there are pain points for every scenario.

Snapdragon750 · October 2014

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