Last name for baby?

Ndm410 · October 2014

Sorry for the length :-) thanks for reading! Also, I'm having trouble with mobile and hope I didn't double post!

I will be a single mother due to the unexpected death of my partner earlier in my pregnancy. My partner and I were not married. I have a 10yr old dd from a previous marriage and kept my married name at the time of divorce. I'm trying to determine the best last name for my new dd. Will she feel left out if she doesn't have the same last name as her sister and I? Is my even considering giving her my (old married) last name super offensive? Should I hyphenate her name? Should I just add his name to mine or start hyphenating my own name even though I'm not legally linked to him? If her father was alive she would have his name. But without him being here, I'm just trying to figure out what is easiest and best for all involved. Her name will be something that pays tribute to her daddy with or without his last name.

Any ideas?

ejz98ric02 · October 2014

I'm so very sorry for your loss, my heart breaks for you! What a difficult situation.....if this was me, I think I would give her his last name. Or make his last name, her middle name and then give her the same last name as you and your daughter. This is tricky, my thoughts are with you.

Yaz14 · October 2014

I'm so sorry about the passing of your partner. I think if it were me I would give your daughter his last name.

nikkijo3 · October 2014

That's a tough choice. I lost my first husband 6 years ago and we had 3 children together so they all have his last name. This new one will have my new married name, so we'll have a few different names in our family. As @mbm1984 said, it's not unusual to have muliple last names in a family now. Giving your new baby her dad's last name is a nice connection to give her to her dad. I think it would make her feel special to have his name with her. Whatever you decide will be the right choice for you and her. So sorry for your loss.

JaneShops · October 2014

So sorry for your loss, must be so tough..
As for the last name, it really depends on what's norm in the area you live in. I'm in Los Angeles & it's quite common for everyone to have different last names. Do what makes you comfortable, and your confidence will translate to your child.

[Deleted User] · October 2014

The user and all related content has been deleted.

OliveMom3 · October 2014

I've been thinking about you and sending supportive thoughts your way.

I agree that giving your child the name that feels right to you will be the best. Just a cautionary tale though, my brother named his daughter a last name that was neither his nor his wife's because his wife doesn't like our family name. They experienced a lot of difficulties at customs and traveling abroad because they couldn't prove she was their daughter. For that reason, if you choose to give your child your late SO's family name I would recommend hyphenating or having your name as a middle name. There are ways around these difficulties, however, so just go with your gut.
Sending you strength and hugs. All the hugs.

abc829 · October 2014

I have no advice I just wanted to stop by and express my deepest condolences to you.

knitfastdiewarm · October 2014

You and your new LO have been in my thoughts. I think giving your DD your partner's last name is a great way to carry on his memory.

bsdub · October 2014

I'm so sorry for what your going through, what a terrible loss - my heart goes out to you. I have no advise for you, all I can say is follow your heart. Hugs.

cwiceangel · October 2014

Sorry for your loss. If it were me is probably honor him by giving her his last name. I would treat it as if he were still with you.

caridura84 · October 2014

Wow...so sorry for your loss. If it were me as most have said I'd give her his last name. He is a part of her and she of him. There were 3 different last names in my house (I got married). There's no shame or anything weird about it. Good luck and sending hugs your way.

Blergbot · October 2014

Differing opinion here. I think it would be best to give the LO the father's last name as a middle name or hyphenate. You can still honor him that way. I don't necessarily think it's an issue of having different last names, though. I grew up with my dad's last name, while my mom kept her last name, which my half brother also had. It was no big deal. I just don't think the last name needs to always default to the father. This is a discussion my H and I are having right now. Go with what feels right to you!

missab · October 2014

I am so sorry for your loss and for having to make this decision on top of it all. I don't think there is a wrong choice by any means, but one different perspective to consider: it might be nice to make her father's last name her middle name and to have her have the same last name as you and her sister. I say this because, young kids can be uncensored and can ask a lot of questions, and it may be a lot for her to have to answer for why her name is different from mommy's and her sister. Yes, lots of kids have different names for a variety of reasons, but many are because of divorce etc, not because their dad passed away. I think using it as a middle name still honors him and also, when she's older and understands more, she can make the decision if she would like to honor her dad by sharing his name. Again though, I don't think you can go wrong no matter what you do and the fact that you are sensitive to this and trying to make the best decision for her will be evident in whatever you decide. You're already being a great mom. ((Hugs.))

mnharkcom · October 2014

I'm so sorry

nobody should have to go through that. My opinion would be to give your baby his last name if you guys still had a good relationship and if he was planning to be in the picture.

Ndm410 · October 2014

Thank you so much for all your ideas and most of all, your continued support. You've given me a lot of good perspectives to think about :-). I'm really grateful to have a group of women here that I can share with and bounce ideas off of.

For those of you that were wondering, things are going pretty well. We are making it day by day. I am taking in all the good moments and trying not to let the bad ones last too long. Obviously this isn't great timing but it has also been good in the sense that I have exciting things like tomorrow's u/s to look forward to. Things are going to be ok. For all the rough times, I'm very blessed in so many ways.

Thank you for all the hugs, love, prayers, and thoughts :-)

Cali2090 · October 2014

So sorry you are going through all of this- my heart truly goes out to you... I can't imagine. Your a strong woman and your children will be blessed by your positive outlook and courage.I personally would give my child your partners name but you need to go with your heart. Take care

polynomz · October 2014

Your strength is truly admirable. It pains me to read your stort but it amazes me how youve put one foot in front of the other and carried on. I hope my bit of advice can help you out a bit.
I grew up with a different name than my mother and siblings, my dads last name. He walked out when I was very young, and I was the only person in my family with the name. He was a real piece of work, just trash. I grew up and I resented the name. Had it been like your situation, im sure I would loved to have my fathers last name. It may be tough in the younger years, answering those hard questions but I think in the future your child will truly appreciate the connection. But like others have said, i would go with what your soul tells you. If you go with your gut, chances are it will lead you in the right direction.

Best of luck and my deepest sympathies.

topaz7777 · October 2014

I think I'd be wondering what your SO's family would feel about which last name you choose. Assuming they are going to be part of your LO's life. I'd probably pick the SO's last name, especially if you two were close and still loved each other when he passed. Hyphenated also seems like a completely reasonable choice.

ElizabethSwann · October 2014

im so sorry for your loss.

Want a personalized experience?

Last name for baby?

Re: Last name for baby?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards