Parent Preference

ambmama · October 2014

So T has had a total daddy preference lately and it's driving me nuts. Anyone else have this happening? I get him up 6-7 days a week, get him ready, feed him, bathe him, play with him, and put him down for all naps and bed time. Every waking moment he's around I'm usually doing something for him. He's always loved H and I think the excitement has to do with the majority of their time together is playtime; however, starting when we were away it got to the point he wanted daddy and would actually hit me or cry in certain moments when I came around! Now since we've been home, he cries and asks for daddy when I get him in the mornings from bed or after nap. He usually snaps out of it and cuddles after a few minutes but it's so utterly heartbreaking for my baby to not want me! I just don't understand why - it's one thing to want daddy because he's the 'fun one' (even though I play with him as much as I can!) but it's an entire different thing to cry when I get close and to absolutely not want me. Anyone have any advice? I try not to let it hurt me because he's a toddler but I've definitely had some ugly cry sessions!

Sep5Bride · October 2014

It sounds frustrating, but my guess is it's still part of the "fun daddy" idea. DD has been asking for Daddy more recently, particularly when he's not home, or when I first go into her room in the morning. If it's an evening where he's gone late I'll tell her "Daddy's not home yet, but he'll come in to check on you when he gets home." She's asleep when he gets home, but she's always looking for him first thing the next morning then. I think for so long it was all about Mommy, and Daddy might be a relatively new concept to them so he's still new and exciting. Sorry your son is being extra challenging towards you - hopefully it's just one of many phases they'll grow out of.

ambmama · October 2014

Thanks ladies. It's hard because he was a total mama's boy until the past few months. This morning was so challenging and he just kept screaming for daddy. He's never once cried when H leaves for work in the morning but today he totally freaked out.

UGH.

jobiann · October 2014

I think J wobbles around to his fave parent based on his mood but usually he is attached to my hip. He just started some separation anxiety with H, whenever H goes to leave he cries and whines for him. But if H is home he wants me. It makes H feel bad and good at the same time, but J has always been a Momma's boy.

ambmama · October 2014

So I just had this "ah-hah!" moment as I was driving to get lunch. I've realized that it seems like when DS is favoring me, he also doesn't want anything to do with H (which still happens sometimes) and when he's around H, he doesn't want me. And I've also thought about the fact that when we spend time with DS, it tends to be exclusive of one another (I do mornings so H can get ready for work since I work from home, I pick him up from school and spend time until H gets home, when he gets home they play and I cook dinner. Then I do bath time so H can have a few minutes to unwind, then we usually have maybe one hour that sometimes we all play together, but not always, then I do bed time.) I'm thinking because we don't do a lot as a family, DS is starting to think that he can only spend time or "like" one of us at a time. So though he's going through a daddy preference, I think it's even stronger just because of those feelings. I also remember when we were on the plane, he was completely giddy and laughing/ecstatic because he was sitting in between us and could hug us both at once. I'm thinking I need to come up with an activity a few times a week for us to do things as a family and it may help. I'm sure some of you are thinking.... duh! We've always done this! But it's not something we've unfortunately done do to schedules and also H and I's on and off issues. This mama is on the case, though!

Thanks for listening to my long explanation - I just needed to think it through.

bennikki · October 2014

I think part of it, or at least this is what I've seen with DS, is that he's starting to realize he has options. Up until 18 months, I always did bedtime because DS still nursed before bed, but once he weaned himself, it's basically been who ever is available. (I'm still the one who always does bathtime because DH has an irrational fear of DS pooping in the tub, but that's a whole other issue.) Once he totally weaned we also took a couple of overnight dates, so Grandma and Grandpa have done bedtime a few times now too.

He's also realizing he can stall a bit if Daddy's taking him for bedtime, he knows he can buy some time by putting up a fuss for Mommy to do it or the other way around. I still do most mornings because I'm an early riser, and I've come into his room, and he asks for Daddy, grandpa, grandma, the dog, hell, one time he asked for our neighbor before he let me pick him up out of the crib.

I chalked it up to development. They're getting more independent, and I think they're just starting to assert more of their own ideas.

luvindanimals · October 2014

So totally don't feel bad because in most situations DS favors me over most anyone...except when Grandmas around! When she is around no one else exist and he screams when she leaves. She only watches him every once in a while but if we say she is coming he gets ridiculously excited. Part of me wants to be jealous but the other part of me is so happy he loves someone else other than his mommy and daddy so much.

I think family time will help a lot in your situation. We do group hugs in our house and DS LOVES it! Good luck!

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