lurky lurker asks wwyd?

Re: lurky lurker asks wwyd?

• ck4567 member

  October 2014

  I follow the approach that I can do most of what I want, just not all at the same time, and I find what I want is ever changing with a few constants like a happy, healthy family. I completed my JD before I got pregnant because it was important for me to focus on that. Now my main focus is not professional, but on starting a family. So, I plan on working only part-time until my children are all in school and then going full-time. I also changed careers because I decided that a profession in law wasn't going to give me the personal life I wanted, and I came to terms with that and accepted it. It was a hard call, but I know it was the right choice, and I am extremely satisfied with my decision. Life is about tough choices, and you just make the best decisions that you can in the moment. And, I think the "right" decision on whether to work full-time, part-time or not at all with kids is different for each person because it turns on so many very personal factors. Just don't be too hard on yourself, you just do the best you can and that's it. Hope my perspective helps a bit. *steps off soap box*

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• Gabriel1217 member

  October 2014

  So I have a seven year old. I am a single mom- so my situation is a bit different. I was feeling like I was phoning in raising my son by working at a biotech company. I often worked 60-80 hours a week on projects, long crazy hours, it was insane. I ended up going back to school for nursing. Nursing allows me to make the sameish money and fulltime is 32 hours a week, I can work 32 hours in two twelves and an 8 hours shift- 3 days... 2.5 days away from my son versus the 5-6 and work from home I had. I know not all professions allow this scheduling, but if having a career is needed (whether from finances or just your sanity- lets face it not everyone can be a stay at home mom or wants to be) you can make it work.. its just a matter of maybe a profession change, job change, or maybe free lancing...
  
  For me atleast working and going back to grad school... I had to come to terms with I can't be perfect at everything. I do my job- but I'm not in it to climb the corporate ladder or push for advancement at this stage (being home is more important to me), my grades while good arent a 4.0, and I make it a priority to do things with my son (like coach his soccer team). You gottta kinda learn thats its ok to be good enough, and not perfect. Your children just want you to be around and give them your time.... you don't need to be PTA president and a classroom mom.
  

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• MoxyByProxy member

  October 2014

  Ty ladies! Your input is very helpful!
  
  I guess a big part of it is for me that it would be like Rachel walking away from Broadway. (Glee ref I'm a nerd I know). I keep reasoning (with myself) that I didn't do ivf for my mom to raise my baby. I wanted that honor but then this came along and everyone told me I'd be a fool to pass it up but the lack of time with this baby makes me resent the job some which makes me apathetic to the whole deal. I cant even imagine life with new Itty bitty.
  
  I do not know if I left I could go back but I'll have to be ok with that. It makes me sad to hear E cry in the other room or hear the YAY! YOU DID IT! and I'm on the phone with a customer. He's crawled, cruised, and got teeth and looks at my mom like she's his whole world and tbh I'm jealous as hell. I feel like I've missed it all for an entry-level position and health benefits. I'd almost rather go back to my old job where I was an independent contractor where I could choose my own hours. No benefits or anything that comes with being an employee - but there was a personal benefit to it.
  
  I guess I was just looking for some validation that I'm not crazy or even just to know I'm not alone.
  
  

  

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• Sunshine4020 member

  October 2014

  I can relate for sure. Especially the wanting validation part. I'm 29 and for the better part of 15 years I've worked to further myself. Academically and then professionally. I've been a career woman and steadily worked my way up and up since graduating college. My career has always been a priority no matter what else was going on in life. Fast forward to last July.. I was comfortable in a job I had been at for only a year and was offered a position with a different company. It was in Sales with a very promising future. It was a longer commute, more travel and more pressure. With no kids to think about and nothing besides more income/dollar signs in my eyes, I took it. Fast forward about one month, I got a surprise BFP. Long story short, my old job is begging for me back. They know I'm prego and are still fighting for me to come back. It's better maternity benefits and better commute/flexibility for when baby arrives. However it's not the income or growth opportunity that I will have in this sales job.
  
  So here I am trying to decide. Trying to plan for a priority (the baby) that I know nothing about is hard. My priority has always been my career. But the truth is, setting myself up for more flexibility with the baby is what I think I need to do, for now. So now I get to tell my new sales job I'm pregnant and leaving. I feel horrible like I just wasted 3 months of their time. Ugh
  
  Now I'm just trying to get everyone around me to validate this decision. However after hearing your story... I totally support your decision and think your babies and family should be your priority. We shouldn't feel guilty about that. We should embrace it. You don't want your mom to raise your kids so make it so she doesn't have to. I think you should follow your heart. Especially since your husband seems to support your decision either way! I say jump and do it... quit! You won't regret it. We can keep each other updated!!:)
  
  

  

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• ck4567 member

  October 2014 edited October 2014

  @MoxyByProxy‌ - Obviously only you can make this call, but based on what you said it seems like you have two competing goals, your current dream job and your kids. If it isn't possible to make both work at the same time without sacrificing one or the other too much then I'd say choose your kids because they will only be young once and that's it. The job may or may not always be there, but If it were me I'd regret not bonding with my kids more when they were little than having to put my dream job on hold. Plus, right now you have the job and a kid and you don't seem happy, so that could be a sign right there about what you should do. <p>

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   On the other hand, many men work a lot of hours when their kids are young and no one bats an eye, and the kids end up loving them all the same when they are older, so I mean there's that too. The man is then praised for being a good provider. It's a double standard for women, and we are expected to choose kids over career or else we are conditioned to feel guilty. I think you just have to make the rules in your own life, and not feel guilty because there's no rule book in life. Just love your kids and be a good person and it should all work out. 

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• queenhoneybee member

  October 2014

  @MoxyByProxy‌ - I took a child care leave from my dream job to be a SAH mom with DS. The hours were very long and I felt like I was missing out on a lot of DS experiences. My rationale for taking a the child care leave was that my DS will only be young once, and I want to be there for him. DH and I have been wanting to have another child, but I think the stress and long hours were inhibiting us from getting pg. Within the year of taking the childcare leave DH and I found out that we were expecting. If you can afford to SAH for a bit and that's what you want to do, go for it. I figured, If I got the position once, then I can get it again. Best wishes and I hope it all works out for you.

  

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