For those on FB (yet MORE on sharing the news) is this a good or obnoxious idea?

pblge · October 2014

I decided to do a different thread for this, as FB is kinda its own thing. I'm sure almost all of us have had trouble with FB during our infertility journeys--the punch in the gut of another announcement, debating what to do about the good friend who only posts about their baby, etc. I've had so many friends hidden on my newsfeed because their many pregnancy/baby/small children posts were too upsetting. I also have lots of FB friends that I've made along my IF journey, some of whom have had to give up the idea of ever having a child of their own, and surely some of my other friends are suffering without my knowledge.

So my OH and I have had an idea, but I'm trying to decide if it's obnoxious. We have set up a FB page for Bambino L___ (our last name). When we do announce (which may be sooner than I thought, as per my other thread), I'm thinking of writing something like this:

"[OH] and I are excited to announce that we are expecting a child in April. This was not an easy journey for us, and I know that many of my Facebook friends have experienced or are experiencing the same thing. Partly because of that, we have decided to keep our pages pretty much baby-free, and have set up a new FB page for Bambino L____ (sex is TBD, don't read anything into the suffix). If you would like to be in the loop for the baby news, and baby pics post-birth, send Bambino a friend request."

I'm worried that this will be viewed poorly by other infertility/pregnancy loss graduates, who may feel as though there's an implicit judgment if they didn't do this. Alternatively, I'm worried that many people, who probably would have liked a little bit of news, will feel weird subscribing to the special baby page. There are probably other weirdnesses about this that I haven't thought of yet. What do you think?

PS. The phrase "this was not an easy journey for us" is about as close as I plan on coming right now to being open about IF. Maybe eventually I'll say more, but I feel like it communicates enough for now.

gsancho · October 2014

I think the wording you have is great, and it's good that you explain why you're setting up a separate page. But I would worry some people still would find it odd that I have my own page for the baby. A friend (or really, ex-friend) of mine set up a separate page for it, and my initial reaction was that she was trying to give it too much attention with its own page - granted she was always a dramatic AW on FB (hence why we no longer speak), so that skewed my opinion on it.

I've seen people do a blog that they post a link to, which I really liked. I would see that there was a new blog posting via Facebook, and if I was having a good day, I'd click on the link...if not, I'd wait.

southernyankeegirl · October 2014

I created a blog to have a similar idea - people who WANTED to follow our journey could get the updated info and see photos, but it wasn't in their face. They have to go looking for it. Thus far, I have posted absolutely no ultrasound pictures on Facebook and only two pictures where I have a visible bump (and the bump is NOT the point of the picture - it's not a posed picture, just where I just happen to have my torso in the picture). I'm similarly Facebook sensitive.

Honestly, yeah, I'd roll my eyes at creating a Facebook page for the baby - I'm not big on creating Facebook profiles for children (or pets, as my friends seem to like to do). And yes, there's some pressure because you KNOW who friends the page, so family and close friends will feel obligated. If you were my SIL, I'd probably "friend" the page and then "unfollow" so none of it showed up in my Newsfeed, only when I wanted to go look for it. I like the idea you're going for, but Facebook is loaded with politics, so I think it's harder to tip toe the line between sharing and oversharing.

mrsrichey11 · October 2014

I second the blog idea. I don't post too much about my pregnancy on Facebook, but I'm sure I share enough that friends that struggle with IF have un-followed me, which I completely understand because I did the same thing the moment a FB friend would post that they were pregnant. I post most of my updates on my blog with a picture or two and plan to do the same when the babies are born. Another option could be a Shuttlerfly account where you can post photos that are password protected so if family/friends want to see updated photos of the baby they can see them there.

Ecarabeo217 · October 2014

I agree that your intentions are very honorable...I know how tough it was seeing everyone else's pages during our struggles loaded with pics, etc. but I also think a separate page will probably be misinterpreted. I personally have not posted anything about my pregnancy on FB at all, but that's just me. I like the blog idea so you can involve people as much as they choose to be involved, but still give you a forum to celebrate without offending anyone.

Mrs.McIrish · October 2014

I'd also roll my eyes at a separate FB page. I get what you are trying to do but I think it looks the opposite. I've only posted one thing on FB announcing at 26 weeks that we were having twins after a long battle. There are no u/s pix etc and I haven't posted anything else bc I'm friends with lots of IF ladies who I met here who are still waiting. There are a few photos from my shower but I didn't post them-- some friends dud and tagged me. I personally feel like there's no need to do a play by play during pregnancy. Your announcement language is fine. I'd leave it at that..

pblge · October 2014

Well. This is more consistently negative than I expected--glad I asked! The whole idea really just makes me hate FB. One of my favorite friends from my hometown has always been a very interesting and engaging FB poster, but she had a baby a few months back, and now it's nothing but endless numbers of photos of a baby I've never met. I'm very happy for her, of course, and it is a seriously cute little redheaded boy, but sheesh. I don't want to unfollow her in case I miss anything important, but it's very annoying, and I LIKE babies!

This is what I was trying to avoid, but I'd never seen anyone make a separate page, so I can understand the negative reactions. I'd never post as much as my friend, but I want to be able to post pics post-birth without worrying that I'm annoying everyone, too. Setting up a blog might be something OH would be willing to do, as a good compromise. :-/ Or maybe I'll just deactivate my damn account and be done with it. Grrr....

hopeby2015 · October 2014

I disagree with the others. I think it's a great way to keep those interested in the loop about baby. I've never seen it done nor do I have alotta IF friends (that I know of). But I do have alotta family overseas that it would be very difficult to communicate shutterfly or blogs to. So I don't see what the big deal is ..

turquoisequeen · October 2014

I like the idea of doing a blog. It will be much easier to look back through and you can provide as little or as much content as you want. I have a DIY/recipes/style type blog and find writing posts fun. If you really get into it you could even do posts sharing your favorite preg or baby products or whatever. And if you ever feel like sharing more of your IF story that would be a good place to do it.

KT416 · October 2014

Yeah, I get what you were trying to do but I agree with the above comments that it might not be the best idea. I like babies and should be fine with pics now, but hate when it takes up my entire newsfeed or someone posts pics 3-4 times a day of their child.

I am probably going to post one pic of the baby when he/she is born and that's pretty much it. I will probably do a shutterfly or similar account where people can access pictures so that way my parents, aunts/uncles, etc. don't complain. I personally just don't trust Facebook and I don't want my kids pictures plastered everywhere and want it more controlled and don't want them to have rights to my own pictures. However, I'm a pretty personal person and like my privacy and I don't want his/her classmates to easily find embarrassing baby pictures of them in 15 years on my page or the page I created for them, etc.

ladyteach0505 · October 2014

I really like how you're paying attention to the fact that you have a happy outcome and not everyone does. I second the idea of a blog in terms of what a neat thing it would be to show your kid later. So aside from communication perhaps you should think of it as a keepsake.

xc1148 · October 2014

pblge said:

Well. This is more consistently negative than I expected--glad I asked! The whole idea really just makes me hate FB. One of my favorite friends from my hometown has always been a very interesting and engaging FB poster, but she had a baby a few months back, and now it's nothing but endless numbers of photos of a baby I've never met. I'm very happy for her, of course, and it is a seriously cute little redheaded boy, but sheesh. I don't want to unfollow her in case I miss anything important, but it's very annoying, and I LIKE babies!

This is what I was trying to avoid, but I'd never seen anyone make a separate page, so I can understand the negative reactions. I'd never post as much as my friend, but I want to be able to post pics post-birth without worrying that I'm annoying everyone, too. Setting up a blog might be something OH would be willing to do, as a good compromise. :-/ Or maybe I'll just deactivate my damn account and be done with it. Grrr....

I personally think the way to avoid becoming "that" person is by keeping your normal page and having normal posts. If you want to announce, that's fine, but no need to make every post for the next several months about your cravings, bump, morning sickness, maternity clothes, etc etc. I still make posts about my dog, food, trips, I don't plan on being one of those baby-only fb people.

And I personally think acknowledging that it wasn't an easy journey for you should be enough for other people struggling to handle whatever you post (unless you start complaining daily). Everyone that has been through IF knows and wouldn't wish it on anybody.

Pintobean39 · October 2014

Maybe it's me but I don't understand the need to announce anything on fb. I have lots of "friends" on fb but mostly they are acquaintances, not people I feel need to know. I'll contact those I want to know personally but I won't put an announcement on fb.

If you feel the need to document the journey for family I think a blog is a good way to do that. When my best friend had her baby 2 years ago they set up a photo sharing album. They were always adding tons of picture of him especially in the beginning. Any family or friends that wanted to see them were included in the photo share. I will probably set something up like that for pictures.

wendyful · October 2014

i started a blog for my own sanity during the infertility journey. and now its just changed into a pregnancy blog. i havent shared it yet but i might later on facebook

Robeano · October 2014

My best friend set up a FB group for her baby, I totally gave her the side eye for it and I kinda think it's weird. But here's the bottom line

If you like it and think it's a good idea. Do it then. List your reasons and ultimately people will just respect that.

My friend did it b/c she didn't want baby pictures to embarrass her kid when they were like 18 or something. Do people actually get embarrassed by their baby pictures? I don't get it.

ajlmom · October 2014

I agree with others that a blog maybe a better idea. Having a FB page for baby is a little overkill in my opinion.

My friend who recently announced on FB about her pregnancy wrote this

"Sometimes you make a wish, learn patience in the journey, and gain faith when it's answered"

I totally get the fact that it took them a while to conceive and they had some obstacles, I thought it was very well written and hinted infertility in a very subtle way. Just wanted to share.

hopeby2015 · October 2014

heleng5 said:
"Sometimes you make a wish, learn patience in the journey, and gain faith when it's answered"

Love that quote!

poohniki · October 2014

Hi.. I posted on FB as @IFinTN mentioned. It was really important for DH and I to do so since we both lost touch with a lot of our family and only communicate through Facebook. Also, we both lost our mothers in the process and well- while no one can equal the excitement of a soon-to-be grandma- having 50+ comments or likes helped us feel excited.

I did post a warning right before my announcement- although I think I talked enough about the announcement before posting it that most people knew- here it is:

To my 1 in 8…please take this as a warning for my next post. Know that you are all in my prayers and if there is anyone struggling out there, please contact me for information on an amazing group of women who can support you through this battle.

I love the idea of baby's own page- but I think I'll wait until he is born.. Right now DH makes most of the baby posts- I just need to make sure he doesn't tag me in everything.

mdiblasi10 · October 2014

I don't think a separate page is necessary, but you should do what you want. We shared baby G on FB. These days I post something maybe once or twice a month. I do post a lot on I.nstagram - that's what it's made for. I am of the opinion that if someone is offended by your posts, then they can block what they need to. You are excited and happy, and have the right to share your little one

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For those on FB (yet MORE on sharing the news) is this a good or obnoxious idea?

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Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
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For those on FB (yet MORE on sharing the news) is this a good or obnoxious idea?

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Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motilityIUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFNIVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

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Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!