Something wrong?

haylo33 · October 2014

Before I start, I have read the sleep thread but now I'm starting to wonder if something is wrong. DS (5 months old yesterday) is still a mess at night. For a few weeks, he was up every 2 hours. Not even to eat, just fussing until we went in to soothe him. Then he was back to 2 wakings (1am and 4am then up at 7). Now last night he was up every hour. Yes every hour from 10-7. We have tried everything we can think of besides CIO which I won't do. We moved his bedtime up (now goes to bed by 7:30), complete darkness, music, just patting his back and not picking him up. The baby cannot self soothe. It appears he wakes after every sleep cycle and needs us to go back to bed. He also wakes up if the binky falls out unless he is in a deep sleep. Naps are also terrible. Won't nap longer than 45min. Shouldn't he be able to Self soothe by now? I blamed it on the 4 month sleep regression but it's been over a month and not getting better. I thought he should be sleeping longer at night as he got older, not shorter! Help!

THD7580 · October 2014

Sorry mama you're going through this! Have you thought of doing a modified CIO? I won't do it either but I will let him fuss and whine before I go get him. And I usually go in and shush and put his paci back in a couple times before I even pick him up. Also know that 4 month sleep regression can last up until they are like a year old I believe not to scare you. I know with my niece she's still an awful sleeper and she's 3.. So you may have to resort to some sort of method that he learns on his own or he will always count on you to help him get back to sleep. Hang in there!

spinsoffresonance · October 2014

I'm right there with you. DD has been up every 2-3 hours since the 4MW started a good 6weeks ago. And for the last 3 nights it's been every hour. She has no self soothing skills. I blame nursing to sleep. I know I got to fix it but I don't know how.

lrmrtn · October 2014

We have nights where DS sleeps 12 hours and nights where he's up constantly. He seems to do better during the week when he's in a consistent routine than on the weekends. I just think they're too little to expect any sort of consistency. I have good sleep nights and bad nights too so why should babies be any different.

thefussybunch · October 2014

comicsans said:
Same. We've had good nights, we've had...last night. Up just about every hour and needing to be either held by me or nursed. She does not soothe for DH; guess he's the fun parent.

I'm pretty sure for her it's leap type stuff when she's working on new skills and such. Some nights she's great and I've seen her put herself back to sleep. Day time sleep needs are different on these days too and sometimes her behavior in general seems very different. From my own very limited understanding some babies just get messed up a bit more than others when they've got things going on. They can't turn off their little minds, get overwhelmed, and need more help relaxing and sleeping.

I'm becoming very zen about the whole thing. There will be sleep at some point, but there will also be many tough nights for years to come.

Not sleeping well is a sign of great intelligence (I tell myself).

This is us too. DD has NEVER been a great sleeper, but the past two nights have made me cry. She has been waking every hour or two in a crying fit and I'm so exhausted. FWIW DD has also just started her Wonder Weeks leap.

hbird0723 · October 2014

I'm right there with you. I know she can put herself back to sleep she's done it before but this only happens on rare occasions when she's exhusted and I don't know why she can't do it every night. Naps suck as well and I'm afraid she isn't sure how to self soothe and sometimes I think she's playing with me. I am also thinking about trying a night light because I wonder if it's too dark in her room. I don't know I feel like I've tried everything! So I completely understand how you feel. I'm hoping 6 months will be some magical number but I'm not getting my hopes up! I know knowing I'm not alone helps. Hopefully you will feel some comfort in that!

QOTR · October 2014

I'm sorry you're going through a rough time. We've been through it as well. I told a friend recently that I can endure the lack of sleep, but the never-ending worry that I'm making bad decisions is what really wears me down. It's so hard to know if it is a phase or if I'm supporting poor habits.

flockofmoosen3 · October 2014

So, you already said you aren't interested in CIO, but here is my experience with baby girl after my husband insisted we do something. To be fair, we didn't experience the 4MW (gasp!), or at least she never changed her sleeping habits. She always fell asleep nursing by midnight and I very carefully put her down. If she woke I would nurse her again. Then she slept for 4.5-5 hours before waking up to eat, then down and up every two hours afterwards until 9a.

Starting last Sunday, we starting a gentle Ferber/CIO method. We did the whole bed time routine as usual, then put her down awake in her crib at 9p. We let her cry for 5 minutes then went in to soothe her with paci but did not pick her up. Then we waited 6 minutes, then 7 minutes, up to 10 minutes maximum, soothing her to calm at each break. She fell asleep after an hour and stayed asleep all night until 6a-8a. We've done this successfully every night since then and each night she cries for less time. Last night she didn't cry at all and slept for 9.5 hours. Tonight it was 10 minutes of crying and now she is asleep. She always wakes happy and smiley (and hungry) and actually naps better and more regularly during the day now.

I've always been skeptical of this method and almost hated the idea, but having done it now I'm happy with the results and don't believe that she's being harmed. We are comforting her, and we are both better rested. (I have more energy to do stuff with her the next day.) One reason I was okay with doing this (kinda) was that in the car she screams her little head off if she's overtired for about 10 minutes before she just suddenly stops and falls asleep. I can't soothe her while I'm driving and I don't pull over because it's not worth it for a 15-20 min drive across town.

thefussybunch · October 2014

flockofmoosen said:
So, you already said you aren't interested in CIO, but here is my experience with baby girl after my husband insisted we do something. To be fair, we didn't experience the 4MW (gasp!), or at least she never changed her sleeping habits. She always fell asleep nursing by midnight and I very carefully put her down. If she woke I would nurse her again. Then she slept for 4.5-5 hours before waking up to eat, then down and up every two hours afterwards until 9a.

Starting last Sunday, we starting a gentle Ferber/CIO method. We did the whole bed time routine as usual, then put her down awake in her crib at 9p. We let her cry for 5 minutes then went in to soothe her with paci but did not pick her up. Then we waited 6 minutes, then 7 minutes, up to 10 minutes maximum, soothing her to calm at each break. She fell asleep after an hour and stayed asleep all night until 6a-8a. We've done this successfully every night since then and each night she cries for less time. Last night she didn't cry at all and slept for 9.5 hours. Tonight it was 10 minutes of crying and now she is asleep. She always wakes happy and smiley (and hungry) and actually naps better and more regularly during the day now.

I've always been skeptical of this method and almost hated the idea, but having done it now I'm happy with the results and don't believe that she's being harmed. We are comforting her, and we are both better rested. (I have more energy to do stuff with her the next day.) One reason I was okay with doing this (kinda) was that in the car she screams her little head off if she's overtired for about 10 minutes before she just suddenly stops and falls asleep. I can't soothe her while I'm driving and I don't pull over because it's not worth it for a 15-20 min drive across town.

This gives me hope. Thanks for sharing!

caballo718 · October 2014

I know exactly what you are going through. DS had been doing this up until Friday night. Every hour he'd wake and it had nothing to do with self soothing. Even in our arms he was screaming and co sleeping didn't help. I was at my wits end and tried CIO. He cried for over an hour. It didn't work. He was still up every hour. He's finally getting back on track and wakes every 3-4 hours. He was a good sleeper till the 4MW. He's 5 months tomorrow and I'm hoping that this sleep nonsense is in the past. I will never let him CIO again. I don't believe in it and it didn't serve any purpose for me other than heartache.

haylo33 · October 2014

I just can't do CIO. Of course it eventually works because the baby will tire out. Not to mention, infants sleep better after trauma or stress (immunizations are a good example). I think people mistake physical exhaustion with CIO success. I just can't think of him crying wondering why no one is there to help him. I would rather risk him being a little spoiled then feel like we are ignoring him.

dp1320 · October 2014

haylo33 said:
I just can't do CIO. Of course it eventually works because the baby will tire out. Not to mention, infants sleep better after trauma or stress (immunizations are a good example). I think people mistake physical exhaustion with CIO success. I just can't think of him crying wondering why no one is there to help him. I would rather risk him being a little spoiled then feel like we are ignoring him.

There's a difference between extinction CIO (what you're referencing) and what people are talking about. Your post comes off as very judgmental to what people said was working for them...and nobody above is abandoning their baby like you're insinuating.

haylo33 · October 2014

I never said they were abandoning their babies. I can't handle it because I think of all the things the baby MIGHT be thinking. I understand that is probably too emotional but I can't help it. I'm sure if I was able to be a little tougher, modified (or timed?) CIO might work.

Junebug060609 · October 2014

haylo33 said:
I never said they were abandoning their babies. I can't handle it because I think of all the things the baby MIGHT be thinking. I understand that is probably too emotional but I can't help it. I'm sure if I was able to be a little tougher, modified (or timed?) CIO might work.

. It has nothing to do with toughness and everything to do with people doing what works for them and with their families. It's fine if it isn't your cup of tea, there isn't a need to imply those that have gone that route have traumatized their children.

jane8188 · October 2014

Sorry, no help here. My son wouldn't sleep until around 14 months, now he sleeps from about 7-7. We tried the gentile cio like talked about above a couple of times as he got older and it never worked and always left me feeling upset. It finally clicked with him around 14 months. Just know it will eventually be over, but I know it sucks right now.

dp1320 · October 2014

"I just can't think of him crying and wondering why no one is there to help" basically is saying abandoned.

THD7580 · October 2014

DH09072012 said:

haylo33 said:
I just can't do CIO. Of course it eventually works because the baby will tire out. Not to mention, infants sleep better after trauma or stress (immunizations are a good example). I think people mistake physical exhaustion with CIO success. I just can't think of him crying wondering why no one is there to help him. I would rather risk him being a little spoiled then feel like we are ignoring him.
There's a difference between extinction CIO (what you're referencing) and what people are talking about. Your post comes off as very judgmental to what people said was working for them...and nobody above is abandoning their baby like you're insinuating.

This! No one is saying to leave your baby in their crib for hours if crying! And if you did that well beat yourself up for obviously not reading into it. There's a difference between not tending to your babies needs and tending to them so they learn to self soothe. Putting LO down in their crib and checking on them every few minutes to make sure they know you are near is very much acceptable in my book!

IBackBevo · October 2014

Sigh. What flock is talking about is the method in a book by dr. Ferber. You really need to buy and read the book because it is none of the things you are suggesting.

yepyepsms · October 2014

OP, we did Ferber's method this past week and she is now putting herself to sleep like a champ. She went from waking every 1-2 hrs and now waking only once or twice to eat and goes right back down. Huge improvement. Did the same with my son and he has continued to be a great sleeper. My only advice is to read some sleep books and pick a method you think would work for your family.

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