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Talk me off the ledge

housewifehobbyisthousewifehobbyist member
in Babies on the Brain
DH and I have plans to start TTC in August of 2015.  We have a very close friend of ours whose father just passed away, and was lamenting how sad he was not just for the loss but because his father got to spend so little time with his only grandchild Sarah.  They waited a long time to have Sarah, they were both in their late 30's, and have older parents themselves to boot.  Sarah is 3 and will not remember them at all most likely.  DH and I also have parents in their late 60's/mid-70's (with no grandchildren yet) and it's heart breaking to me that our children probably won't have all of their (totally awesome amazing) grandparents growning up.  I have this panic setting in that I should start TTC NOW! to give our parents the most possible time with their grandkids, even though we want to move to the suburbs in the next year and have a wedding on the other side of the country in July (my sister's, so can't miss it!). 

Is ten months so long in the long run?  I've already got a bad case of the baby rabies, but we'd like to get through this wedding and maybe take one more big trip before getting pregnant.  Now I'm having irrational panic attacks about my parents dying before getting a grandkid. 
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Re: Talk me off the ledge

  • divinemsbeedivinemsbee member
    I do think you have to do what's best for both you and your H. If you have set these plans for good reasons, then that's up to you. I don't think that fear of the death of parents or family members is a good only reason to start now, but I do understand it.

    I'm not going to lie and say I haven't had similar feelings. Often. H and I have been trying for a while with no success and it hasn't made it easier to quiet those nagging feelings. My dad, and we are very close, went into the hospital last December and was diagnosed with COPD and a really bad case of pneumonia (he's just turned 60, but has smoke moderately-heavily for decades). I was absolutely in pieces, for many reasons, and one of them was that if he were to die he would never know his grandchildren and they would never know him. As our parents age I think it's something a lot of people think about. My grandmother turns 92 in just about a month, and she's one of the most important people in my world. I want her to know my kids, but I also know I have to make peace with the fact that it's unlikely my kids will remember her. It's scary.

    Since we were already trying it's possibly a little different, but I will also say that H and I have tried really hard not to let outside forces that aren't integral to us having a baby (obviously things like jobs or money or insurance are taken into account) influence our TTC plans.



    TTC #1 since 11/2012
    Me-31, H-27
    **Loss 1-Cycle 7(June 2013) at 5w6d-CP**Loss 2-Cycle 11(October 2013) at 5w4d-CP**
    **Loss 3-Cycle 14 (January-February 2014)-M/C dx 2/10, EP dx 2/24, MTX 2/25**
    Beta Hell--hCG finally down to 0 - 6/20/14
    SA normal. Genetic testing normal. Hormonal testing normal.
    HSG 6/30/14 - found blocked left tube and 2 'bubbles' on uterine wall.
    Hysteroscopy/Lap--8/4/14 - Tubes unblocked. Polyps removed from uterine wall. Septum removed.
     9/30/14--Off the bench! Unmedicated TI through December 2014
    BFP 12/14/14!!! Beta #1, 12/16: 990 Beta #2, 12/18: Over 2000! Beta #3, 12/22: over 8000!
     U/S #1, 12/23: gestational sac, possible heartbeat
    U/S #2, 12/30: HEARTBEAT! 128bpm, measuring right on at 7w EDD: 8/19/2015
    U/S #3, 1/9: BPM in the 180s, IT'S HAPPENING!!!
    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • mammamiasopapillamammamiasopapilla member
    I think it's a very personal decision that both you and your H need to be happy with.

    A couple things I would keep in mind: first, it is completely normal for a healthy couple to take a year to conceive. Secondly, you obviously wouldn't want to get pregnant right now if you are flying to your sisters wedding across the country, but you could be up to 36 weeks pregnant and still fly. My SIL was about 32 weeks pregnant at our wedding, which was a destination wedding.

    Best wishes to you!
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  • HelenahhandbasketHelenahhandbasket member

    I mean, are your folks all in generally good health?  That should have more bearing on your decision, I guess.

    This is such a personal decision though. 

     

    BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12

    Lilypie - (TUWi)

     

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  • housewifehobbyisthousewifehobbyist member
    Thanks- I needed that. 

    My sister's wedding is going to be a mess unless she does a 180 (she thinks she's entertaining 200 people all night with all the bells and whistles for $13,000) and I will likely need whiskey and and a lack of hormonal surges to deal with it.  Not that pregnancy isn't an option if I'm cleared to fly, but it's probably not ideal. 

    My parents are fairly healthy and active, they travel a good six months out of the year.  My MIL is suffering from a dozen smaller issues where she's having trouble with mobility, but she's with my parents in Spain now so she's not too bad.  FIL passed away several years ago before I even met DH.  I just know at their ages anything could happen, and with their lifestyle they may get eaten by lions. 

    I am hoping when the time comes it happens fast, but don't we all?
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  • ram05cram05c member
    Absolutely do what is best for you and your husband. My mom had bad baby fever bad - she cornered my husband before we were even married and spent a half hour telling him how wonderful babies were - but then she was diagnosed with lung cancer two months after we got married and never even made our first anniversary. If we had tried to have a baby so she could meet them it wouldn't have worked and we would have had a kid and been in no type of emotional state to deal with it . Of course the thought crossed my mind - I even thought of just telling her I was pregnant, just so she could feel that joy, but in the end you have to do it when you're ready - not when others are. 

    Two years later and I am just now getting around to being able to think about whether or not I could handle a baby without her. 
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