First time mom and I feel behind...

ridearescue · October 2014

I feel so behind on baby preparation. We haven't cleaned out the nursery that was our junk room, bought our crib bedding, bought bottles. We have the bare minimal for clothing and no paccis bottles wipes diapers or any of that yet. I feel like with 15weeks left to go I should have all of this by now. When do I host a shower? What do I ask for? It's going to be a little boy and I just feel like I'm already not being a great mom. We have our crib and a bouncy seat but that's not enough in my opinion. Am I the only one who is behind?

csjsmom · October 2014

I'm having my third. My youngest is 7. So I have nothing! I've got a few sleepers. I'm going to get a bassinet and a car seat. This baby's not even getting its own room! Don't worry. The baby won't mind!

Milagros315 · October 2014

You're going to be fine. Babies only NEED food and a place to sleep. And a car seat to get home from the hospital/birthing center/wherever. Everything else is extra and you can pick it up as you go along.

That said, most people like to have more than the absolute bare minimum. Start by making a list of what you want to have right away: bottles (or not if you're trying to BF), diapers, wipes, a few simple outfits, car seat, bassinet or crib...Then start looking online to figure out which ones you want to buy.

You don't host a shower. That's not considered polite by most people
Either someone offers to host one for you or you don't have one.

I'm definitely not 100% ready. We have some of the big stuff, but there are a bunch of essentials

Lanatir · October 2014

ridearescue said:

I feel so behind on baby preparation. We haven't cleaned out the nursery that was our junk room, bought our crib bedding, bought bottles. We have the bare minimal for clothing and no paccis bottles wipes diapers or any of that yet. I feel like with 15weeks left to go I should have all of this by now. When do I host a shower? What do I ask for? It's going to be a little boy and I just feel like I'm already not being a great mom. We have our crib and a bouncy seat but that's not enough in my opinion. Am I the only one who is behind?

For starters-- YOU shouldn't be hosting a shower. It is normal in this day and age for women to create registries, which is sort of "asking for" stuff.

Pacis and bottles most argue it's not a good idea to stock up on pre-baby because you don't want to buy all of one brand and have to sink more money into another brand because your child doesn't like the brand you originally bought.

Cleaning out the room is definitely a place to start. Then you will have a place to set up the crib, thereby making bedding worth buying. I think some of the women here, though, know if someone is throwing them a shower and are holding off on too many purchases until after that. Plus, if you do a registry, after a certain date, the places often send you coupons to give you X% off what remains on the registry-- both in hopes to help you prepare, but also to keep your business there.

Diapers are tricky. Stocking up on too many in some sizes can backfire. Wipes, though, I stock up when I have coupons or they happen to be on sale because they have multiple uses and your child doesn't out grow them.

With 15 weeks to go, I don't think you're that behind. I don't think I bought anything for my first until 30+ weeks, other than the crib, which we ordered online, so had to allow for shipping time.

Fears of not being a great mom are NORMAL. Usually there's not much else to them than fear of the unknown. If you are feeling paralyzed by the fear or other things feel off, finding someone to talk to can be a great help. Pregnancy is an adjustment and the birth of the child will be an even bigger adjustment, so it will be helpful to get some of your doubts and fears realized now or at least to know that there are services in place if you don't have your own network of friends and/or family to rely on.

lmno12515 · October 2014

I feel the same. The only thing that I have is the crib and that's because of my first baby. We had decided or at least we thought we were done until now so we had gotten rid of everything and the week we were going to get rid of the crib we found out that we were pregnant. So we're pretty much starting over and all I've got is the crib. I'm actually starting the shopping this week and am doing the coupons to save money on diapers, wipes etc. as far as the shower goes usually someone else hosts the shower (friend, mom)

Vanbursl · October 2014

I feel you I have 13 weeks to go and I just hady first shower. We are doing two since our families love four hours apart. It totally caused me to have a melt down though cause I realized how behind I really am. I need stuff done like yesturday! But you know my mom defiantly calmed me down and I have made a list of things to work on each week! It feels nice to see a short list it's less intimidating then a long one and much easier to accomplish. This week we had to pick nursery colors and buy paint. Find a pack and play, and wash all the baby clothes we have so far and make a list of what we need. It's a short list easy to tackle but when my short list add up it will be everything!

Maebb · October 2014

With DS, I think we had a car seat, crib, and stroller by about 32 weeks, my shower was around 34 weeks, and we got everything else between then and 38 weeks. The nursery wasn't really set up until around 38 weeks, but that isn't a big deal IMO because DS slept in our room for the first 6 weeks-ish anyway.

Like PP said, you should not host your own shower. If someone offers to throw one for you, that's great. Typically people plan them for between 28-36 weeks. We registered around 20 weeks, and I used a combination of Lucie's list, store and Amazon reviews, and the "what to register for" lists from the stores.

Relax. I try to tell myself that even those "I didn't know I was pregnant" people make it work, so you'll be fine. I would definitely get a car seat in case you go into labor early, and then you can make a checklist and work through the other items by 38 weeks or whenever you set as your goal.

FWIW, this is our second baby, and I haven't done much to prepare for it yet.

jess05445 · October 2014

Have more than me and i have less than12 weeks to go, so definitely not behind! We only have crib (no mattress) and dresser. We have shower this weekend and nov. 1st and will figure out after those what need. Oh just remembered we have one outfit also! I have thought we are way behind the ball multiple times but then realize as much as jan 2nd is quickly approaching plenty of time to get essentials! I went off the bump registry list and googled baby registry essentials for ideas.

Beauxbaton · October 2014

When I was pregnant the first time around I didn't finish getting everything until I had.like a month left. I know a lot of people say not to stock up on diapers. I do anyway. BUT I do not mind if my kid ends up not being able to use them, and then donating them, as long as I get them at a good price. That's actually how I feel about everything I buy. There is a good charity in our town that takes any and all baby/toddler items and donates them to the hospital for long term patients. So if the diapers.don't work out we will donate them.

We waited until we got our registry completion coupon so get a lot of stuff. But if it went on sale then we bought it. With this baby its another boy, so we are set on clothes. And our first baby is only a year old so we still have the infant seat, glider, all the toys, the baby bath. We need a crib, dresser, and rocking chair. And probably some other stuff.

You're doing fine. While the time does go by fast, it doesn't go by THAT fast. And babies need so little in the beginning and tend to just sleep. So even if you have to run out to buy sheets or more sleepers a day or two after he's born, you'll be ok.

melmarie4 · October 2014

Don't worry, I have nothing except for a few used things I got from my in laws and friends(none of the important stuff however). I have my shower coming up the last weekend in November, and after that we'll buy anything else we will need for the baby. Luckily my mom says she wants to buy the crib and dresser. My in laws also want to purchase a big item. I feel really behind, especially since we haven't decorated the nursery, but the baby won't even sleep in the nursery for the first couple months, so I'm trying not too worry about it too much. Baby doesn't need a perfect nursery to be happy, and it's not like I can't run to the store if there is something the baby absolutely needs immediately.

Has anyone offered to throw you a shower? If not, unfortunately many people consider it rude to throw your own shower, even for the first child. Any chance your mom or MIL, or maybe one of your friends wants to throw you one, but hasn't gotten around to planning it yet? Or does your work throw baby showers for employees? If not, you can still make a registry to help you figure out what you will need. You can always buy used items if your budget is limited.

starzcookie22 · October 2014

I'm due jan 1st and have nothing but a diaper bag. Since my shower is nov 8th I will wait to see what will be needed. Still got time.

ridearescue · October 2014

Thanks y'all. Reading through y'all's comments has comforted me greatly. I just felt so overwhelmed and like I should be almost done by now which obviously I am not. Atleast now I know we are not alone in the prep stage. I plan on cleaning the room out this week and next week but it is a matter of finding somewhere else to put the stuff now. Lots will be trashed or donated but I have 4 saddles in there I have to find a place for. And my husbands big tool box and air compressor. We don't have a garage or basement. Atleast I don't have to paint in there but I am seriously considering ripping up the floors and putting in new carpet. I hate the color that's in there now so that's just another big item I have to add to our list. I won't have a shower since majority rules that it would be tacky unless someone offers to host one for me. Thanks so much everyone.

rizitos1216 · October 2014

I feel the same way! 11 weeks to go and I have nothing just a couple pieces of clothing. As for the babyshower situation I don't know why it would be considered tacky to plan one yourself. If you don't anyone offering to throw you a shower, plan one for yourself. I havent been living in TX for long so I dont have a lot of friends and my older friends live out of state. Why are you going to deny yourself of having a shower because no one else has thought about yet? I'm having a small get together with food and close friends. Nothing mo

infinity092813 · October 2014

I'm with you. I feel like the worst FTM when I see other pregnant friends post weekly belly photos, nursury updates, etc. All I've done so far is go to Dr.'s appointments, eat, gain weight, spend money on maternity clothes, and put a few things on our registry.

Right now, I'm more concerned about decorating for Halloween than I am about setting up the nursury. If that makes me a bad mom, so be it. . .at least I'm in a good state of mind. I figure I still have a few months to get ready & us January moms have the luxury of holiday sales to look get everything together.

raveness · October 2014

You are definitely not alone. I've got 12 weeks to go, and haven't bought or set up anything!

I'm in the same boat as Infinity092813, I'm more concerned about decorating for Halloween and what I'm going to dress up as than nursery completion. I figure I still have a few months, and I should enjoy them while they last.

My SIL and MIL are throwing my baby shower this weekend. I've offered to help out on several occasions, but insist I "enjoy my day and sit back and relax." I'll just wait to see what gifts we receive before I go out and buy tons of baby stuff.

bkmama · October 2014

You're not alone! All I have is a stack of boxes filled with baby clothes, along with a few burp cloths and blankies, that were mailed to me by friends and family in other states.

I'm waiting on buying the big stuff - crib, rocker, etc - since we will be moving in the next month or two, and it would be pointless to buy something big only to have to pack it up and move it right afterward.

I'm definitely feeling behind on everything and a little panicky that we won't find an apartment as good or better than where we live now.

Several people have made sort of half-hearted offers of throwing me a baby shower, but since all of my family is out of state and I don't have too many people I know in my current city, I've been shooting down the shower ideas. Baby showers make me feel sort of awkward, anyway...

BackseatDriver · October 2014

Last pregnancy I signed up for a trial of amazon prime before my baby was due (now I have a subscription because I love Amazon). I always reminded myself that I could have pretty much whatever I needed delivered to my door in 2 days.

moonfaerie · October 2014

You definitely don't need much when baby first comes home. All you need is a couple of clothes and blankets, diapers, wipes, car seat, maaaaybe bottles, and somewhere safe to put baby. Doesn't even have to be a crib at first - could be a pack n play.

This is my fourth kid and I doubt we'll even set up his place to sleep until after he's born. We'll have the pack n play out downstairs, but I'm sure baby will end up sleeping in our bed at first. I'm not even getting him newborn clothes. My kids haven't worn that size for long and spent most of the time in sleepers or gowns, so that's all I'm keeping for him and he'll only have outfits if we get some as gifts.

Try not to stress! I'd focus on emptying the room before baby is born, but don't worry about accumulating stuff. Go ahead and make a registry to organize what you want, but don't panic if you don't have everything when baby arrives.

cassied7 · October 2014

I am an unprepared STM. DH and I just bought our first home in May. A week after closing we found out we were pregnant. DS has a beautiful nursery, but the new baby....not so much. I think I have "everything" I need, but it's all in boxes in his or her room. DH and I decided we will fix up the room a few months after the baby is here. I'm not stocking up on diapers, because I know myself and I will want to get out of the house even for just 10 minutes. I think you should emotionally prepare more than anything. It doesn't matter how many things you have, IMO, you just need your head in the game. I have boobs to feed baby, arms to hold baby, and a bed. And I fully intend on raiding my hospital room of diapers before I leave, so I'll have those for a few days.

moonfaerie · October 2014

One more thing, most hospitals stock you with some supplies, so you will probably go home with diapers, pads (for you), a pacifier or two, a squirt bottle to rinse yourself, and nipple cream if you ask for it.

Have pads in advance, unless your hubby doesn't mind buying them. I recommend overnights for the first week or so. Everyone thinks about what to have for baby, but some people forget new moms need personal supplies too!

cabbeeby · October 2014

I have some diapers (doing cloth) and a few outfits that have been given to us already. That's it so far! Buying stuff is not that time consuming so if push comes to shove you can do it all in a weekend or two. I'm not anxious to have a crib around taking up space, so I will probably buy it and other space-consuming items more like 6 weeks before my due date. I was thinking at first "what if baby comes early?" but if it's that early he is likely to have to spend time in the NICU anyway.

The only thing that is really accomplished is painting type room prep. I want plenty of time for that to outgas before he's in there.

AggieMom0809 · October 2014

I was a lot further behind when I had my first mainly because I was waiting on the showers. I was told to wait so that there was more choice for people to buy. It also didn't help that I was 6m pregnant when we moved to a bigger place so our oldest would be able to have her own room.

As far as what you should have on hand, the lists that stores give you of what you should need is CRAP! I never used nearly as much as they said you needed much less the "suggested" list. Babies don't need a lot of clothes and you don't want to stock up until you know how big your baby will be and what proportions. Thick/chunky babies don't fit the same brands that long and skinny babies do. Not to mention how fast they can grow out of the smaller sizes

I would focus on getting the room cleared out for the baby and go from there.

rizitos1216 · October 2014

"Inappropriate" "Shower Ettiquette 101" Are you serious? I've been carrying a baby for 29 weeks, if I want a shower I'm getting a shower lol jk. I'm sure people who are invited to my shower would not mind I planned it. They just want to be there for me and share that special moment.

bigbobdole · October 2014

I feel more prepared with this baby than I did with #1. I have almost everything I wanted for this baby except a pack and play and a stroller. At this point in my first pregnancy I had a crib and a few sleepers.

jjstrickler · October 2014

You're not behind. And there are tons of guides online to building a registry.

It's my first too. People keep asking me if we are "Ready" what does that even mean? I think parenthood will be like a new job, you're never "ready" you just get in there and figure it out. How many people before us have come and gone without all these fancy baby things they make now days.

You're going to do great! Don't over think it.

AggieMom0809 · October 2014

jjstrickler said:

You're not behind. And there are tons of guides online to building a registry.

It's my first too. People keep asking me if we are "Ready" what does that even mean? I think parenthood will be like a new job, you're never "ready" you just get in there and figure it out. How many people before us have come and gone without all these fancy baby things they make now days.

You're going to do great! Don't over think it.

I hate that question! Part of me wants to say, "no, I need (insert long list of baby wants) then I'll be ready." My friends all know I'm pretty much starting over, but I don't want to tell them how not ready I am from all the things I still need. We will be buying them, but would like to still clear out more clutter/stuff we're not using before the baby comes.

literarymuse · October 2014

rizitos1216 said:

"Inappropriate" "Shower Ettiquette 101" Are you serious? I've been carrying a baby for 29 weeks, if I want a shower I'm getting a shower lol jk. I'm sure people who are invited to my shower would not mind I planned it. They just want to be there for me and share that special moment.

Ok...you may be missing the point here. A baby shower is a gift-giving event. It's all about showering the new mom with gifts for her baby. If you throw a shower for yourself, you are essentially saying to all of your friends, "Hey, go buy all of this stuff for me!!" That's tacky and rude.

Also, the bolded is incredibly entitled and rude. You decided to get pregnant (even if it was unplanned). It is not anyone else's job to provide for this baby. It is your job. No one owes you anything.

luckylady18 · October 2014

I feel the same way, OP. I'm actually so nervous this week that when I saw this thread I refused to open it because I knew it would give me anxiety. My main problem is clearing out the room that is going to be the nursery. We have no where to put the stuff that's in there.

I'm having really bad anxiety about this. So I totally feel you. If I could just get this darn room cleared out I think I'll feel like we have a solid start.

rachel+family · October 2014

You only "NEED" diapers and boobs.

stephchris0321 · October 2014

I would not throw my own baby shower. You don't have a family member or friend who will host one? If not, you could have a "meet the baby" gathering after your LO arrives.

Don't worry about not being ready for the baby because that is totally normal. I wasn't ready for my LO until about 2-3 weeks before my due date. As a 2nd time mom, I have a crib, car seat, changing table and some clothes but the baby's room is not decorated or painted yet. You still have plenty of time so don't feel like a slacker, everything will start coming together! Good luck!

Want a personalized experience?

First time mom and I feel behind...

Re: First time mom and I feel behind...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards