Should I suck it up?

williegsocks · October 2014

Okay so here's the deal, my friend has a baby shower this Sunday. I honestly do NOT want to go at all. Would it be completely awful for me to use my D&C on Friday as an excuse to be a no show? I'm really not feeling the whole baby shower right now and honestly think I'll end up crying during it. I'm actually feeling guilty for even thinking about not going. I know that she deserves to be happy and just because I'm struggling doesn't mean she should have to suffer, but I'm feeling a little selfish right now. So should I suck it up? Be straight with me.

BethKate2 · October 2014

You have every reason to be selfish and not go. Take care of yourself. I cannot even begin to imagine going to a baby shower immediately after a loss.

BunnyBerry · October 2014

No way do you have to go to that! Take all the time you need to heal physically and emotionally.

Ann612 · October 2014

murrt said:

Oh Heeellll No! DO NOT GO!

Shit @Williegoscks! Any friend...even your best friend in the world...your sister....your TWIN sister would understand if you didn't want to go to their baby shower right now.

Tell your friend it's too hard for you which is the truth. Have someone you know go onto the registry and pick something out from you. Hell, I'll do it if you want!

Take care of yourself!

Ditto, all of this

Ann612 · October 2014

I should add - if I was having a baby shower (*sigh* maybe one day?), I would so much rather my friend just be honest with me and stay home. I would feel AWFUL if she felt forced to come, and then wound up crying because of it.

emmuffy · October 2014

Agree with all PP. Listen to your gut. You can be there for your friend in other ways in the future. You need to take care of yourself right now. Do whatever you need to do, whether it involves rest or distraction (silly movies? cooking?). Sending you some hugs.

mharnicker · October 2014

I JUST went through the same issue. After talking to a friend of mine who went through IVF and got pregnant with her second round of it I though it'd be best to ask her advice. She told me to be honest to my friend and let her know how going to her shower will affect me and be honest about the fertility issues you are going through. She said she will either be understanding and that is a real friend or upset which is not a true friend. I was told that during this process you will gain and lose friends. Sadly, not everyone can relate to what we're going through. I was honest and told my friend she understood at the time and then last week texted to confirm I wouldn't be there and I told her with what DH and I are going through we just can't. Well, her shower was last weekend and I spent the entire weekend crying, I saw on FB it was hot pink and black (my favorite colors and my wedding colors) having a girl ( would love a little girl yes Beggers can't be choosers if you are trying for a year like me) and due in November (DH and I wanted a baby in November for DH's birthday). Talk about a stab in my heart. I haven't really heard from her and at the end of the day you have to do what is best for you. Send a gift (which is what I will be doing) and leave it at that. I also deleted my FB last Sunday too hard to see all the preganancy announcements, and newborns along with me in tears heartbroken. Health insurance is luckily going to cover the whole assisted fertility but DH started a new job and can't take time off for the first 6 months so it has to be put on pause. So far the issue is my hubby low Sperm count of 20k when average is 40mil.

Hollowvic · October 2014

I wouldn't feel guilty about not going. Like others said, you need to take care of yourself right now. If she is a true friend she will understand. ((Hugs)) during this difficult time.

dancerspose · October 2014

I agree with all the others. Don't go and there's no reason you should feel guilty about that. You've been through an incredibly trying experience- emotionally and physically. Anyone who can't understand that isn't a true friend anyway. Take all the time you need, be mind to yourself, and put yourself first for as long as you need.

lovesmonkey · October 2014

I agree with everyone else. I was mostly where you are in August. ***loss mentioned*** My BFF's shower that I had helped plan was a week after my D&C. I felt awful, but I just couldn't do it. She understood and the shower went on without me. She also had a more intimate family shower 3 weeks later which I thought I should suck it up and surprise her for...that was the worst idea ever. I was so busy hiding my emotions and she was so busy worrying about protecting my emotions that neither one of us enjoyed it. Take care of yourself and your friend will understand.

BandM14 · October 2014

Totally, 100 percent agree with everyone else. There is no reason to put yourself through all of that pain-- your friend will understand. Take care of yourself, I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.

lebradford · October 2014

Seriously do not go and do not feel bad at all.

Autumray · October 2014

No if you dont want to go then do not go! I am sorry you are going through this. Sending you hugs and thoughts. Baby showers are super hard for me as well and I have not had the loss you have. I am sure your friend will understand. If she cant then thats on her not you.

SND1231 · October 2014

I think it is completely reasonable to not go! I understand feeling guilty about not going because you care about this person, but this is a time that you need to think about YOURSELF! It isn't selfish it is being smart. Sometimes things are just too hard. A baby shower a day after your D&C would not only be physically difficult as I am sure you won't be feeling great but super hard emotionally as well. We all support you!!

theholmanherd · October 2014

Honey, now is the time to think of yourself. You're experiencing a LOSS. No one in their right mind would ever expect you to celebrate anything (especially not something that close to home/the loss) so soon after that. Plus, you are having a medical procedure done. You need to relax, recover, and do what you need to do for YOU. {HUGS}

redandblue · October 2014

I just want to chime in and say that I comple agree with all of the other smart ladies here. You need to heal and take care of yourself. Your friend will understand. I will be thinking of you tomorrow.

LindseyM2012 · October 2014

All of what @murrt said. Step away from the baby shower. Any friend worth anything will understand.

saritacw · October 2014

Nope. Don't go. No reason to put yourself through that and you're not being selfish, you're taking care of yourself. I'd have a different opinion if your loss was a while in the past, but now? No way.

kristyn831 · October 2014

I wouldn't go and I wouldn't feel bad about it.

Shauntee · October 2014

I agree with PP. You are allowed to heal in whatever way you want and please, take as much time as you need. When and if you feel up to it, you could always take your friend to lunch and celebrate there in a private, hopefully less overwhelming setting. Sending hugs you way.

emilycatlady · October 2014

I just google what D&C actually is... I would be exactly the same if I was you. It sounds awfully distressing

... Good luck with your decision x

Radiantly · October 2014

Probably best to skip it.

I have one Sunday too but I'm going as she was trying for almost 2 years and is sensitive generally. Hopefully her friends will be too if anyone asks me I'll say we are working on it.

Chasity08 · October 2014

Don't go. Unless you want to, I'm no dictator (just trying to make you smile)

But really...there is no way I could handle that right after a loss. You deserve the time to yourself. It's most important to take care of YOU. Good luck and I'm sorry for your loss.

ritacita · October 2014

I just wanted to echo what everyone else has said and give you my support! Do NOT feel guilty about this! You are important and need to take care of yourself first. Your friend (most likely) has other friends and family to take care of her and celebrate with her, she doesn't need you in this way right now. HUGS!

martinisandmedicine · October 2014

I agree, it's not selfish at all to not go. Send a gift and a sweet card. There is nothing else you have to do for her, and she'll still have a nice party even if you aren't there.
I'm so sorry for your loss.

allielb83 · October 2014

Major hugs! I agree, don't go. Its called good self-care. Be kind to yourself.

MustangChic · October 2014

Just like all of the PP said... Send a gift and a sweet card! It's not worth causing yourself emotional harm. A true friend will understand. ((Hugs))

williegsocks · October 2014

I wish there was a way to tag ALL of you in this post. You have all been so kind and supportive of me this whole time! I have definitely decided that I am not going. There is no way I can make it through it. I'll end up miserable, in turn, making my poor friend miserable as well. I am laying here on the couch after my D&C allowing my sweet, loving DH to take care of me. Anytime I try to move he goes "What are you doing?! Tell me what you need and I'll get it." I'm loving it! Gonna milk this for all it's worth! LOL

theholmanherd · October 2014

williegsocks said:

I wish there was a way to tag ALL of you in this post. You have all been so kind and supportive of me this whole time! I have definitely decided that I am not going. There is no way I can make it through it. I'll end up miserable, in turn, making my poor friend miserable as well. I am laying here on the couch after my D&C allowing my sweet, loving DH to take care of me. Anytime I try to move he goes "What are you doing?! Tell me what you need and I'll get it." I'm loving it! Gonna milk this for all it's worth! LOL

Milk it, girl! Take care of yourself. You've been in my thoughts and I will pray for a speedy recovery.

MyFirstRaspberry · October 2014

I do not attend any baby showers. Period.

Don't feel bad. Send a gift. She will be just fine.

tumbleweed123 · October 2014

Glad you are staying home and taking care of yourself ( and letting your H take care of you too!)

TTCBabyJ · October 2014

I definitely wouldn't push myself physically or emotionally, you have just went thru a major experience. If she is a close friend she would totally understand. ((Hugs))

mshandlebar · October 2014

I am late to this thread, but I just wanted to chime in and let you know I am thinking about you and sending the most positive thoughts your way. I wish you didn't have to go through any of this. And I agree with everyone, take care of yourself, your friend will understand.

Radiantly · October 2014

Hi, I wrote in yesterday that I was going to go to one today but AF came and I broke down in tears imagining being at the shower, so I stayed home too. My husband and I just went on a long walk. Already counting my blessings for the next month, being that a June baby would mean that I would have gone back to work in the insane busy time. So at least I'll milk that...

hugs for you all this sucks!

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