Weird, PAL-related blues

2redtulips · October 2014

So, R. is almost two months old, but this feeling is still sort of lurking for me...

I am a little sad to not be pregnant anymore. I was totally shocked to feel that way, because I was so incredibly ready to be done by the end of the third trimester. After sitting with it, though, I have realized that it must be related to being pregnant after a loss and after a difficult time ttc. Getting pregnant and staying pregnant became this huge hurdle to overcome. It was a project - and one that I was determined to complete, if at all possible.

We were so blessed to be able to bypass the interventions we were sure we needed (IUI and/or IVF), and even more blessed with each test that came back low-risk or normal. Not to mention blessed 1,000 times over to bring our healthy little boy into the world.

Still ... I feel a little sad. It's compounded by the fact that I will be 40 in the spring. Although we haven't 100% ruled out having baby #2, we likely won't.

I just needed to get that out there to people who might relate. Did/does anyone else feel this way?

misternmiss · October 2014

Yes. 100x yes. I was the worst pregnant person, at least in the beginning. Sick all the time. And I spent every minute of it worrying. But once Cole was born, I really missed it. And then I was still left with so many emotions that I thought would ease up once I had my rainbow in my arms. (Plus lots of emotions revolving around a difficult delivery)
I still see the same therapist I've been seeing since my losses, our relationship has just evolved. It really helped to have someone to talk to, to validate my emotions and to just put them out in the open.
Just be sure that you don't let these "blues" overwhelm you and become something worse. (((HUGS)))

doglover31 · October 2014

Yes I've felt this way. There are days in really sad I'm no longer pregnant. Don't get me wrong I love our little guy ore than anything. But I do miss it.

We are likely one and done too. DH and I are young (I'm 25 and he's 27) but we went through so much to get our son here that emotionally we don't think we could handle trying for a second. We aren't taking any permanent measures to prevent pregnancy but right now our family feels complete just the 3 of us. So it makes me sad I will never be pregnant again.

SciChick · October 2014

Absolutely!! I was pregnant for the better part of two years trying to have DD and so to not be pregnant or TTC is just something odd getting used to. Now that S is over a year people ask me all the time whether or not we're going to have another and when. I am not sure. I would like to have another but right now is not the time. It doesn't help that I'm 40 and really would probably like to wait another year or two before trying again and so I don't know if we're going to be able to. I would really love to go through this again, now that we know I actually can carry to term and how to do it. I'm not saying I'd not worry but I am hopeful that I would be able to enjoy the process a little more and not be quite so scared all the time. Also, the first year was tough but it went so fast. I love my little girl's progress but I miss the tiny babe too and would love to do it all again.

salsa_wifey · October 2014

I can completely relate to your post. I loved being pregnant and I think a big part of that was because of my losses. It made me enjoy and appreciate every moment.

I will be 40 next fall and we were supposed to have welcomed our third boy last month. We are currently trying again and hope to complete our family with one more rainbow. I'm sooo set on having another baby that I'm not factoring age into it. I just don't feel whole yet. Not like I'm replacing our baby boy we lost in April - but we decided on three children before him and I still feel that way. Probably a little more intensley after the loss.

During my last pregnancy I had moments of saddness thinking it was my last pregnancy and every first was a last-first. I'm guessing the next pregnancy will be harder compounded by the fear of another loss. Despite all the fears and losses, I'll still be sad when we are all done having babies.

(((Hugs))) to you.

daisy19782011 · October 2014

I have the same feeling sometimes. I had a late loss and then 3 months later got pregnant with very high risk mono mono twins, so I worried the whole time and they delivered at 32.5 weeks. They are perfect, but I missed not carrying them longer. I was in the hospital from 28 weeks on... Also b/c I had twins, people assume I am done and MH and I aren't sure we are....It's like we can't tell anyone we want one more b/c it makes everyone worry about us... ugh! PAL problems!

2redtulips · October 2014

Hugs back to all of you, and thank you for your replies. It helps to know I am not alone in these feelings.

mmsweeney1 · October 2014

I know exactly what you mean about pregnancy being a project. I miss being pregnant, but looking back I still feel relief to be done and that we don't have to deal with all the anxiety anymore. I hope as your little guy's personality comes out more and more it might help fill the "hole" you feel by not being pregnant. (hugs)

ball.and.chain · October 2014

I am having/had the same experience.

I think it is pretty likely we won't have another. Aside from the potential difficulties (I have 2 frosties left, but don't know if they are BFNs, m/cs or babies; I have an increased risk of developing pre-e again and am afraid of it happening pre-term), I'm not convinced that we actually want another. I am not a huge fan of the newborn phase, I could do without repeating my L&D/postpartum recovery, kids are 'spensive, and I kind of like being a family of 3 and being able to devote all of my kid energy (and money, and resources) to one kid. We ADORE B, but I think we're probably good. Even despite all that, it makes me sad to think of not being pregnant again. Packing up my maternity clothes is sad. Putting away my Snoogle is sad.

I think loss and IF can affect this feeling, but most of my friends who haven't experienced either also reported missing pregnancy. I had an easy pregnancy up to pre-e, and my anxiety about the viability of it subsided after our great first-tri screening results. There is just something so exciting about the anticipation of expecting a baby -- especially, I think, your first -- that it does feel like a bit of a letdown, even though you have this beautiful amazing little person in your life instead.

2redtulips · October 2014

ball.and.chain said:

I think loss and IF can affect this feeling, but most of my friends who haven't experienced either also reported missing pregnancy. I had an easy pregnancy up to pre-e, and my anxiety about the viability of it subsided after our great first-tri screening results. There is just something so exciting about the anticipation of expecting a baby -- especially, I think, your first -- that it does feel like a bit of a letdown, even though you have this beautiful amazing little person in your life instead.

I think that's true. It's a bit like the feeling after the wedding - all the anticipation and planning is suddenly done. The main event - the marriage or raising a child - is of course the most important thing, but there is a feeling of losing something when that anticipation is gone.

I also completely adore my son, and it's hard now to even remember not knowing what he looked like or sounded like. I am amazed at how quickly he and I have bonded and how much he has transformed our lives.

I just think I need to let myself have some private moments to remember my pregnancy and honor that time. While I was pregnant, I am not sure I paused enough to say "hey, this is amazing!" Maybe I need to journal about some thoughts and memories from that time?

kateitho · October 2014

I'm there with you, too. I feel like I lost a hobby by not having to focus on TTC or staying pregnant. DH jokingly told some friends that he's going to have to get to know non-pregnant me again. It kind of struck a chord, because I have to get to know non-pregnant me again. I've been pregnant, miscarrying, TTC or postpartum for 2 years now. ((hugs)) Hopefully thing will get easier.

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