Things you'll tell your child(ren)

abc829 · October 2014

Growing up my parents were very open with me about their life experiences wether good or bad. If I had a question it was always answered as honestly as my age allowed. I found that I had no desire to try hardcore drugs, sleep around, or try any of the things they discribed to me. I have delt with some things in my life that I will share with my children. What are your thoughts? Were your parents open with their experiences or not? Did it impact your choices and will you will share with your kids?

wholebunches101212 · October 2014

I will be as open as possible with my children my parents were, and I felt like since they were so open with me that I was able to come to them with anything. I don't want my children to feel like they have to hide things from me because I won't understand or that I would judge them.

lneice0160 · October 2014

My parents were honest with anything I asked them, I will do the same with my children.
Some of the experiences they had helped me make choices in the area of "what I don't want to try or do ever", but it also gave me a look at the real world and helped me with thing I did try and want to do.

Seachele98 · October 2014

My parents were the same way, completely open and honest. I never tried drugs as a result, and I plan to be the same way with my kids. My DH and I both deal with addicts and other criminals on a daily basis, so we definitely have stories to share.

catlover790 · October 2014

My parents were not open and were very strict. The answer to anything (when I asked) would be "don't ever do that." The end.

Let's just say I plan to be nothing like that! I want my child to be comfortable talking with me and feel that I can help them with problems and questions. I think it promotes a much healthier and happier relationship!

justyouraveragemama · October 2014

My mom was always secretive about what she did when she was younger. We never had that type of relationship that I could go to her for anything, I mainly hid everything from her. I did things that I'm not proud of and in my opinion if I would have been able to openly talk to her, I wouldn't have done half the things I did. I definitely plan on being open with this one and future LO's

whippoorwill3 · October 2014

ballerinamom said:
My mom was always secretive about what she did when she was younger. We never had that type of relationship that I could go to her for anything, I mainly hid everything from her. I did things that I'm not proud of and in my opinion if I would have been able to openly talk to her, I wouldn't have done half the things I did. I definitely plan on being open with this one and future LO's

I could've said the same thing word for word

jk3610 · October 2014

my parents were both over-protective and i didn't really learn about things they went through until i was an adult. just because i was sheltered, it's not like i went out and did drugs or anything. i was definitely the poster child for straight-laced. still, i went through difficult times and might have benefited from hearing about their experiences.

Anicole14 · October 2014

I was extremely sheltered as a child and teenager. I wasted no time catching up on all those "terrible" things I was so sheltered from once I moved out. I partied pretty hard for a few years. I just wanted to do anything and everything because I finally felt "free".

I'll be open with my children. I want them to experience all they can in life and make good decisions based off their own logic. I'll still have rules and guide them along the way, however I want them to be their own person.

Yaz14 · October 2014

My parents suddenly became quite honest when I was 18 but before that they really weren't. My dad still denies be ever took drugs even though i know he did and my mum told me all about it. I don't think it impacted me in any way really. I never did hardcore drugs (smoked weed a handful of times but who hasn't?) I never slept around and I did well in school. The same can't be said for my brothers though.

DH and I were both pretty good kids. We really don't have anything to hide so we'll try and be as honest as we can. I say this now but I have never been a parent so when the time comes to answer some sticky questions from my kid I'll let you know then!

vickersh1 · October 2014

I plan to be open with my kids. My mom was pretty open with me and I like to think we had a good relationship while I was growing up. I could tell her anything and everything - even when I was in High School. She was one of the cool moms that would hang out with us at bonfires, etc. I think it made it a lot easier to tell her things when I did them, etc. I wasn't a bad kid by any means - I was big into showing and riding my horses from the time I was 10 all the way until my Senior year in High School. She had a rule - no pass, no ride. I loved my horses and loved showing, so I did what I needed to do in order to do so.

Now that I think of it - I don't think anyone in my family sugar coated things. I have an uncle that got into drugs when he was in High School and was in a really bad wreck when he was 17 - I grew up knowing that his mental issues were because of brain damange sustained from the wreck. I never, and still don't, want anything to do with drugs or people who do them. I saw what it did not only to him, but my grandparents who are still "raising" him to this day and he is close to being 50. That was enough to keep me away.

Long story short - communication is key!

be888 · October 2014

We are planning to be open with our children about our life experiences when it is appropriate to share it with them. I had a pretty open relationship with my parents, but it wasn't the case for my husband. He found out when he was an adult that both his parents had been married before they met. There are a lot of secrets in his family that he finds make for unhealthy relationships.

Ncountrygal · October 2014

QSB said:
Well, I am living this right now so there isn't much theory to it.

I lived a very difficult life. A father that had literally half a brain, and was sexually abusive but kind. A incredibly verbally abusive mother, and a step father that enabled my mother, or was verbally abusive and racist. Then there were the others that did other things to me when I was growing up. I did drugs, and I drank. I left high school early, and I started vocational college early.

I tell our kids things in simple terms; my father was abusive, my mother is abusive, my step-father wasn't always the kindest (the last 2 our kids have figured out on their own, hence why we haven't spoken to them in almost 3 years).

When it comes to sex, my sexual history has everything to do with my history of abuse. I really can't discuss one without at least touching upon the other. We are open and direct about the nuts and bolts questions, and will remain open and honest about those things. When it comes to talking about my own experiences, I will speak in broad and simple terms. Our kids don't need to know exactly how many, how often, and "how far" I went. I was my husband's first, we didn't have sex until we were married. I regret having had sex before we married with other people. I did that from a position of insecurity and confusion. I will encourage our kids to wait until they are married to have sex. I will also teach them about STI's and such. Information in general will be available, my personal information specifically will be limited. Not out of shame, but because I don't think that knowing that mom used to get drunk and have sex with her boyfriend on picnic tables in the middle of public parks is something they need to know.

We have talked about the fact that sex feels nice, and that is why people want to have sex. We have talked about why people choose to wait until they marry, and why people choose to have sex before they marry. We tell them what we think, and we explain what other people think in as unbiased a manner as we can.

I'm sorry you had such a rough childhood. I wanted to say that I think your approach with the kids is wonderful and I applaud you! Hugs.

We'll take a similar approach with our kids, especially about sex and sex before marriage. We waited, are glad we did, want our kids to know why, but give them the facts. I personally want to have to have a more open approach about it than my parents did with me.

bsdub · October 2014

My dad used to always tell me "sweety don't let the bastards get you down" these are my words to live by and I plan on passing it on to my little ones!

Duffgurl · October 2014

I personally will be open with our children. I firmly believe in no lies or secrets. If our children have questions I will be there to answer them.

They will always know "Everything happens for a reason."

&

"To live life to the fullest."