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August 2014 Moms
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Mommy shaming

wandsandwinewandsandwine member
in August 2014 Moms
I got my first experience of mommy shaming yesterday. I was talking to one of my fellow moms at work and told her that I was flipping through channels the other day and when I stopped for a second on Mickey Mouse Club DS seemed to really like all the bright colors. So I left it on while he played in his bouncy seat and went to shower. I got out and he was still a happy smiling baby. She started ranting and raving about how 1. I shouldn't leave him to go shower and 2. He shouldn't be watching TV.

I think what was done was perfectly fine, I will continue to do it if we need to leave the house and u haven't showered.

Have you gotten "helpful advice "?
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Re: Mommy shaming

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  • workmm01workmm01 member
    edited October 2014
    DS seems to like football already. I didn't like it at first but if he's happy and DH is happy then I'm over the moon! Momma gets a break!
    Eta:I don't bring him in the bathroom to shower anymore. I put him in the bedroom so I can hear most of the time but not always.
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  • Elaina22Elaina22 member
    So you shouldn't shower unless your SO is home, ever? Right. A daily shower is my refresher and so necessary.
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  • gahorseygalgahorseygal member
    I don't intentionally set my LO in front of the tv but I have no issues with her watching it. She LOVES football so that's about the only time we intentionally let her watch. DH loves it and that's when they got good daddy daughter bonding time. It is so sweet!
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  • becominggoldbecominggold member
    I was ordering a deli sandwich and the lady behind me in line informed me that I should expect a very gassy baby later! She was really indignant about. WTF? She didn't even know if I BF or not!
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  • caybehcaybeh member
    Major eye roll. I think it is perfectly fine to leave the baby alone while you take a shower. TV, eh, I have nothing against it. DS watches a TV throughout the day and DD likes it too.
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  • kashock-2kashock-2 member
    I used to park DD I right outside the bathroom door in her bouncy or wait til she was sleeping to shower. Now as long as she's content and in a safe place I sneak a shower in whenever I can and/or feel like it. DH and I have had multiple discussions about screen time and have the best intentions but he is obsessed with playing Destiny on XBOX One and DD LOVES to watch the screen when it's on. If it makes her happy I'm ok with it in short segments. I highly doubt she'll become a TV junkie from it. Do what works for you! I would've told that lady I'm glad that works for her, but no thanks.
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  • cdsenocdseno member
    I don't think I ever got any "helpful" advice with either kid. But based on this woman's advice I am the worst mother ever! Our tv is in all day long practically and I left DS2 on the living room floor playing under his activity mat while I took a shower yesterday. He was happy there so why move him?
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  • wandsandwinewandsandwine member
    The woman who gave the advice has a 9 month old and apparently she never rots his brain w TV. It's Mickey Mouse it's not like I put on walking dead ( even though he is with DH and I sometimes when we watch that too). As far as the shower I leave the door open and he's on the other side of the same wall I can he every noise he makes
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  • alphaxi614alphaxi614 member
    Screw that lady!  Honestly it's none of her business.  I bring DS into the bathroom in his bouncy chair when I shower if he's awake, but that's just because that's what I'm comfortable with.  If he's sleeping I leave him where he is!

    As for the TV we have it on around DS more than I would like, but he doesn't show any interest in it.  Except when H is playing Grand Theft Auto, then he's captivated.  Not sure how I feel about that,LOL.  If  I never had the TV on around him the Tivo would be FULL.  We also play with him, read to him, sing to him, keeping everything balanced.  As PP said everything in moderation!
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  • raquelynn714raquelynn714 member
    Yep-out of line. What a B. Personally, I've found that thus far, the mothers I've encountered with the "strongest" advice are overcompensating for some other motherly process that they secretly feel bad about. @kyleshockley‌ DH and I have also beat the topic of tv to death-he LOVES his sports and video games. We compromised: DS can watch with DH as long as DS is being verbally talked/responded to. Wife win with there also being no tv on during dinner time.
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  • SherryBaby2014SherryBaby2014 member
    I've only brought DD into the bathroom twice while I showered. Otherwise I leave her content or sleeping somewhere safe. I only shower for about 10 minutes and sometimes she's awake or upset when I'm done. Not like I could soothe her or rinse off the soap any faster if she was in the bathroom.

    She also just started to notice the tv this past week. First time there was a crying baby and she tuned right in. So I just started thinking about what I want to do about tv exposure.

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  • tamarar5tamarar5 member
    With three kids and two babies, I am just touched out on a daily basis. Taking a shower is some of the few, precious, refreshing moments I get where no one is touching me. I don't even like to shower with DH right now because I just don't want to be touched! That person is nutty. I only take DD2 bounce seat in the bathroom with me when I shower to prevent DS from attempting to bounce her OUT of the chair, lol!
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  • lynds002lynds002 member
    I don't really get the big deal with TV. Yes, it's good to interact and teach motor skills etc. However, kids programs are educational! Why is that so bad? I think it's the equivalent of an adult watching a documentary, which no one is going to say is bad for you. Obviously, I don't want that to be all LO does, but he will definitely be allowed to watch some TV when he is interested.
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  • JadaBlueJadaBlue member
    Genuine question: I have this notion that screen time is discouraged before two for developmental reasons (baby brain overload or something). Did I, or more likely my paranoid DH, make that up? To be clear, no shaming intended, rather hoping I can abandon a restriction!
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  • FrodaBagginsFrodaBaggins member
    @Peripatetic14‌ here is a good link: https://www.npr.org/blogs/alltechconsidered/2013/10/29/228125739/what-to-know-about-babies-and-screen-time-kids-screens-electronics

    They basically say there's a big difference between passive and active screen time. And also, everything in moderation. :-)
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  • raquelynn714raquelynn714 member
    According to research in "Brain Rules for Baby," tv before the age of two can lead to hostility and trouble focusing. I don't really buy into the hostility thing, personally. The book also states a preschooler who watches 3 hours of tv per day is 30% more likely to have attention problems than a child who watches no tv. DH and I have had many tv discussions bc prior to being parents we watched a LOT of tv and movies. :)
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  • RoccoBabyKRoccoBabyK member
    I don't think right now the tv is an issue for any of our babies. It's just colored pictures. If DD is crying I'll get up and walk around usually passing a tv. If my Mom is around she always makes a snarky comment "oh jeez don't start that" or "that's ridiculous"... I don't normally want to punch my Mom but in that moment I do a little. I don't want LO to sit in front of the tv like a blob all the time but she isn't even 2 months old yet, I'm not too concerned with it yet.
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  • IceHide61313IceHide61313 member
    @MC03 posted a good video of the TV issue in today's UO thread.
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  • rockyrollgirlrockyrollgirl member
    People just need to mind their own fucking business.

    DD1 watches television. Not a whole lot of it, because I can't stand constant noise on top of two screaming kids in the house.
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  • mikrinikkimikrinikki member
    KittyMisha said:

    raquelynn714 said:

    According to research in "Brain Rules for Baby," tv before the age of two can lead to hostility and trouble focusing. I don't really buy into the hostility thing, personally. The book also states a preschooler who watches 3 hours of tv per day is 30% more likely to have attention problems than a child who watches no tv. DH and I have had many tv discussions bc prior to being parents we watched a LOT of tv and movies. :)

    With correlation statistics like the one here about attention problems in preschoolers, you have to be careful about inferring causation. It is possible that watching TV leads to attention problems, but it is equally possible that kids who already have attention problems watch more TV just because it's something they can focus on or because exhausted parents are willing to do whatever is necessary to get a little peace, and sometimes that means letting them watch TV.
    I thought the same thing.
    On a personal note...really?? I feel tv is just sound at this point..like a radio. Girls...we've got enough to worry about...like not punching people in their faces :)
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  • raquelynn714raquelynn714 member
    @KittyMisha‌ I agree. Also, the group of preschoolers that watched 3+ hours of tv was probably a sample that doesn't generalize the the population - too many other possible correlations. Same with the participants watching 0 hours.
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