Seriously, DH?

DCKate · October 2014

Does anyone else have an SO who is ALWAYS on their phone? I understand most of the time, because DH is a doc and on call quite often. However, he's off this week. Every F*#%ing time I turn around, he's on his phone. And sometimes ignoring DD.

I love my phone and I'm on it a lot too, for work and for fun. But, I try really hard to keep it plugged in my room from 5pm on, so I can be present for DD.

Any tips?

JJsMum · October 2014

Talk to him about it. DH and I both had this problem a while ago. It started to feel like technology was killing our relationship. Between the phones, computers, and video games, we got into the habit of being isolated, not talking to each other, or doing anything together in the evenings. So we sat down together and had a talk.

Our agreement was that for an hour to hour and a half after the kids went to bed, we could do our own thing. This included setting an alarm so we didn't get involved and lose track of time. After that we had to do something together. Sometimes card or board games, sometimes video games (two player!), and once or twice a week we'd watch a show or movie together.

As far as when he was watching the boys, I just started calling him on it. This is after we had a talk about how it could impact his relationship with his boys. Did he want them to remember him as a dad who played and was engaged with them, or as the dad who had better/more important things to do than pay attention to his kids? Once it was put to him that way he was way more understanding and willing to put away the phone or be called out on the behavior.

Sorry for the novel, but this is what worked for us. Sometimes it is a struggle, but we work at it. We don't allow technology at the table, and we always eat as a family at the table. The only exception is twice a month when we order pizza and throw on a kid friendly movie. The boys think that is the best treat ever because it's the only time the tv is on while eating, and they get to eat in the family room (yay for hardwood)!

bennikki · October 2014

I kind of shamed DH out of it. He loves to read, and I love that we can have engaging conversations about the news, politics, current events because I love to read too, but there's a time and a place. He got into this awful habit of reading (on his ipad) at the dinner table. I just started comparing him to the teenagers he gets so annoyed with when we're out to eat. You know the ones who sit on their phones the whole time and don't talk to anyone. I said, you're doing the same thing they are, just because you aren't Snap Chatting doesn't mean you aren't any less engaged then they are. Plus, DS doesn't know the difference between reading the WSJ and Facebook all he sees is a detached father.

We're pretty careful about how much "screen time" (TV, ipad, phone) DS gets, so we're pretty good otherwise about it. The ipad at dinner thing was what really bugged me.

ReeceFamily · October 2014

DH checks out via video games/locking himself in his mancave, rather than on the phone. Not sure if that's worse or better? DD has learned (with my help) to go knock on his mancave door and say "Daddy?!?" so that he comes out and gives her some love for awhile.

martha919 · October 2014

Ummm...DH spent an entire Saturday once just fixing up his iTunes on the computer. Like, 14hrs. I had to BEG him to let me go sit alone upstairs for 20min and when I came back down, he was all "oh, thank God you're back". The nagging doesn't work, so if anyone has any other tips, I'll take 'em! Ha. X(

court115 · October 2014

I feel ya! This is one of our biggest fights. I had asked him to give DS his bath tonight so that I could pack up his daycare bag for tomorrow and I walked into the bathroom with DS playing in the tub and DH on his phone checking the score of the Flyers game. Seriously?! The game can wait AND you'll be there in person tomorrow night. Put the damn phone down for 5 seconds!

Chappy_jr · October 2014

DS tends to cry when DH gets home from work because it is an obvious signal that night-time routine is starting and Mommy will get distracted. But DH takes it personally and often does the OPPOSITE of what DS needs, which is to go sit on the couch and check his e-mail/Facebook. I have talked to DH but he views it as a normal reaction to feeling unwanted and needed to relax after work. But he does potty/bath-time/PJs/story-time/bed-time so he gets about 30 min of 1-on-1 time.

Still, I find it interesting that DS sees "dada's phone" and takes it to DH and then sees "momma's phone" and starts punching buttons...

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