To invite or not to invite?

linzacc · October 2014

Hey everyone! I would really appreciate your thoughts on this question. My aunt is throwing me a baby shower in November and I'm working on the list of guests to invite. I am not sure whether I should invite my friend G or not. G and I were friends in high school and have stayed in touch here and there over the last 25 years, mostly through social media. After not seeing each other for a long time, she recently gave me a ton of wonderful baby hand-me-downs that her 10 month old twin girls had outgrown. I went to her house to pick everything up, had a lovely visit with her and her twins, and she said there would be more coming. She has already been very generous to me. Should I invite her to the baby shower?? I do not want her to feel like she now has to buy me something after she's already been so kind. I was thinking maybe I'd include her on the list but tell her that she is totally exempt from buying anything - I really just want her and the twins to come celebrate with us. What do y'all think?? Thanks for any thoughts!

VOR · October 2014

Sounds like she's genuinely happy for you. Invite her. But don't say anything about a gift. If she wants to come, she'll probably want to bring a gift anyhow. Let it ride. And if kids are invited, that's great, but honestly- as she has 10 month old twins, don't make her feel like she "has" to bring them. She might want to come sans kids just so that she can have a little "me" time.

linzacc · October 2014

I'm not trying to make G feel like she 'has' to bring the twins. If she wants to bring them she certainly can but it's not a big deal either way.

linzacc · October 2014

MandJS said:

If the twins' names aren't on the invite, then they aren't invited. Make a decision to either include them or not and go with it.

Um that's not my question at all, but thanks.

linzacc · October 2014

MandJS said:

I know that wasn't the question, but it came up in the thread. You either include the twins' names on your guest list or you don't. If you don't, the twins aren't invited.

Yeah, you already said that and I get it. Why is this a thing?

VOR · October 2014

linzacc said:

I'm not trying to make G feel like she 'has' to bring the twins. If she wants to bring them she certainly can but it's not a big deal either way.

My point was only that if kids are invited, make sure they are listed on the invite. but I wouldn't really SAY to her "I'd love to celebrate w/ you and the babies" because even a passing comment like that might make her feel that she needs to bring them. KWIM?

I only have one kid and trust me... I sometimes take any excuse I can to get a little time away.

sschwege · October 2014

trntyrebrth said:

mistabinx said:

Going back to the original question....if you're questioning whether or not to invite her simply because she already gave you baby stuff, I'd say invite her and just let her know you consider what she gave you earlier as more than enough and you truly appreciate it, and you'd just love if she could be there to enjoy the shower with you.
If you're questioning whether or not to invite her because you're close, but not SUPER close, I'd say send her a thank you note and don't stress over it.

Ok I thought this too and was gonna' say the same thing, but I have a question for you ladies now. Would it make G feel awkward if @linzacc invited her, told her no gift required, then G would be coming to the shower (appearing to be) empty-handed (seven though she was already so generous)? How would the BSB handle this?

I don't think showing up empty-handed is a big deal. Most guests aren't paying attention anyway, but even if they noticed they would probably assume the gift had already been shipped to her house or given to her at a different time. My SIL and MIL came to both my showers, they came 'empty-handed' to my second shower and I don't think anyone would have noticed or thought twice about it.

sschwege · October 2014

MandJS said:

trntyrebrth said:

mistabinx said:

Going back to the original question....if you're questioning whether or not to invite her simply because she already gave you baby stuff, I'd say invite her and just let her know you consider what she gave you earlier as more than enough and you truly appreciate it, and you'd just love if she could be there to enjoy the shower with you.
If you're questioning whether or not to invite her because you're close, but not SUPER close, I'd say send her a thank you note and don't stress over it.

Ok I thought this too and was gonna' say the same thing, but I have a question for you ladies now. Would it make G feel awkward if @linzacc invited her, told her no gift required, then G would be coming to the shower (appearing to be) empty-handed (seven though she was already so generous)? How would the BSB handle this?

I don't think linzacc should be mentioning gifts AT ALL. Either she's feeling close enough to her that inviting her to the shower is appropriate, or she's not.

Agreed!

Amstreagle · October 2014

If it were me I'd definitely send her an invite as a thoughtful gesture. If she decides not to come she can RSVP no.
I wouldn't mention anything about gifts and if she comes empty handed you can thank her for the gifts she already gave you while you're opening gifts. I don't think anyone would even notice if she didn't bring you anything anyways.
My mom bought me my car seat and my son came early so I just mentioned it during the gift opening since we were already using it.

VOR · October 2014

The above responses are why I say not to mention gifts. A shower is a gift giving event- her friend may simply feel more comfortable showing up w/ a gift.

But I do agree, if she comes w/o one, it doesn't matter and people actually will not notice. Even during the gift opening. I wouldn't make a point to thank her for what she's already given - that actually points out that "Oh- you didn't give a gift today, but ....". The OP has sent TY notes. That's all that's necessary. She doesn't need to publicly thank for those gifts.

linzacc · October 2014

Thanks for your thoughts everyone! I decided to invite her but I talked to her and said "hey, you're getting an invitation to the baby shower but you have already been so generous to us that you I will spank your little bee-hind if you buy a gift! Just come have fun with us." She laughed and was totally fine so problem solved!

tigerlily25 · October 2014

I would invite her. She may feel excluded if you don't, especially since she has been a part of your pregnancy from what it sounds like? She can always choose to buy an inexpensive gift.

KatieFNP1984 · October 2014

I would invite and I wouldn't mention anything about not bringing a gift. I'm finding myself inviting friends who didn't make it on the wedding list which I am skeptical about but we were on a tight budget and paying for it ourselves and couldn't invite everyone we wanted. If she's been a friend all these years, albeit just a social media friend I think women enjoy girl time at showers and like to feel included.

yoitslooo · October 2014

I think you did the right thing especially since she has already been so generous and it might've hurt her feelings if she didn't receive an invite to your shower. Also, I wouldn't mention her twins on the invite and just see if she brings them. No pressure and if she wants some time away from her kiddos for a few hours then good for her!

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