Gut feelings about daycare, when is it time to change?

2-Step · October 2014

We recently moved and I have my almost 3 yo son in a new daycare, which I thought seemed pretty nice. He has been there about 3 months and I just have a gut feeling that it isn't the best place for him. Often when I show up to pick him up they immediately tell me everything he did wrong that day, I will walk in and they will say - he pooped his pants and it was EVERYWHERE! as if they are tattling on him or something. He is a 3 year old, he is pretty much potty trained, but yes he does have accidents and isn't it the daycare's job to deal with them and move on? They don't really say anything positive about him, its always that he did this or that and they say it right in front of him like I should be scolding him or something. His old daycare always told me things that happened, but this seems less like informing me and more like they are trying to tell me what a hard day they had and what he did wrong. He is not a hard kid, he is sweet and funny and gets along generally well with others. Also the main woman that owns the daycare rarely even says hi when we walk in the door. She is usually just doing something and ignores me completely, she doesn't greet my son either, he has to just enter and go play without so much as a hello. That is odd to me. I feel like these sound like small things, but in the grand scheme I don't want him spending the majority of his time somewhere that people make him feel bad or are even just indifferent to him. He is learning a lot and brings home crafts often, so I know they are doing some things with him throughout the day. Would you look at changing daycares in this type of situation? I feel like there is nothing glaringly wrong with it, but I also feel like something is off in my gut. Like it is just not a nurturing environment compared to other places we have been.

operaghost · October 2014

I think you have to trust your gut in that situation. I'd look elsewhere.

vvvvvfee · October 2014

agree that you should go with your gut feelings. my DH had a similar feeling about DS's previous DC, and we ended up having to move him anyway because our DCP's license was revoked by the state (there was an altercation with her ex-husband that took place during DC hours).

i know he's little, but can you get any info from your DS about how he feels about DC? do all the staff speak negatively about your DS, or is it just certain people? does he talk about liking/not liking certain staff or kids? all that aside- i still think if you are getting an uneasy feeling about the place that you should start looking elsewhere.

2chatter · October 2014

I am struggling with something similar. One teacher used bad as an classification to describe my two year old. She said it as in "he is bad". That cut and dry. The incident that perpetuated this gem was I asked "how was his day" and she said "he is bad. He screamed when he did not want to do what we told him to do." I seriously could feel the blank look I gave her on my face. Seemed pretty typical two to me. Really, you asked him to potty, he wanted to play and he screamed? Isn't teaching kids how to deal with that sort of thing your....job? I mean, at least like 50% of it?

After waffling for a week I am talking to them this afternoon. If I am not satisfied DH and I are touring a school next week. I feel like it is THIS teacher, but I don't think I can take 6 more months of her. I've always found her negative and get the same reporting vibe you do. I wish I would have escalated sooner.

djm31012 · October 2014

Trust your gut. If I am not home with my son, I want whoever he is with to be warm and make him feel loved and taken care of. If his daycare cant provide that for him, then its time to move on. I had him change rooms when I wasnt comfortable with his teacher, but it sounds like this is an issue with the over all school. If they are that frank with you about his behavior, I can only imagine the way the scold him when he does have an accident, etc. Pull him.....you can find somewhere better that makes you both happy.

litzo27 · October 2014

I would at least explore other options. The negativity, and especially expressed in front of him, would be a deal breaker for me. Yes, kids have accidents. In that case our daycares (we had 2 due to moving) would just plainly tell me that a bag with dirty clothing is in his backpack. Not to emphasize that he had an accident but to make sure I know there's dirty stuff in there. And they only told me when he had bad days to try to figure out what was happening (for example "he had a really tough time today, not playing, whining - did he get a good night's sleep last night? are his ears maybe bothering him") or to tell me about the strategy they took so that we are on the same page ("he bit a friend after she hit him and we talked to them about being gentle and had them practice sharing one toy").

skibunny59 · October 2014

It seems like they don't really like your son for whatever reason. I would absolutely be looking elsewhere. I would want my LO with people who really love her and act happy to see her each morning (even if they secretly are not happy to see her). That's their job - to shower our LO's with love and make them feel good.

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