Are or were you scared to share the news?

pblge · October 2014

So I just got the final "all is good" report from my NT scan (yay!), which is what is told my mother I wanted to wait for before starting the news. So she is now chomping at the bit to start telling all our relatives, but I really don't want her to! I'm about 14 weeks, which I know is when a lot of people start sharing, and I just can't imagine feeling ready any time soon. My close friends know, and so do our immediate families, but that's it. (Telling my boss tomorrow, because there are some things that have to happen soon to prepare.) Part of it is that I haven't figured out how much, if anything, I want to share about our journey to get to this point.

Did anyone else feel this way? Did the fear stop when you shared? When did you feel comfortable talking to people?

poohniki · October 2014

Congrats on a good scan!
I was super scared to tell people yet DH told everyone he knew. I had him tell close family members around 11 weeks. I couldn't have him tell work people so I just sucked it up and told some. Once a few got excited, it made it easier. I think once we found out the gender I felt better about telling.
I also wore a pin in disney world saying I was pregnant and met a lot of characters who read it- it gave me lots of practice.

gsancho · October 2014

Congrats on the good scan! I think I'll always be apprehensive. Eventually, I had to start telling more people at work b/c they were all up on my business and I was sick so often. So on one hand I was relieved to say something, and on the other hand I had an awful feeling after telling them, like something would go wrong. After 14 weeks, we'll likely be more open about it. Like other said, at some point I have to let myself enjoy this!

dp21 · October 2014

I told close family and friends about our IVF journey through our blog. So less talking, they got to read about the NT scan etc and leave comments of support etc.

We came out to everyone else around 20 weeks after AS and sent announcement cards (actually hired a photographer) to really celebrate everything

Being a peds nurse, know all the things that get discovered at AS and I wasn't comfortable announcing to world before then. Hubby and I cried at the scan and were soo tense during the whole thing.

rox825 · October 2014

I was absolutely terrified of telling anyone, so we didn't tell a soul, parents included until 14 weeks. And even then, we only told good friends and immediate family, and made them wear not to tell extended family until after our A/S. I did have to tell some people at work around 14 weeks too and then everyone started guessing anyway, but I was super nervous to have people know until our A/S just in case something showed up. The fear didn't go away after we shared the news, it wasn't until after the A/S that we started to finally feel like we were in a comfort zone!

ksgsmu · October 2014

I was terrified.. still am honestly. We told our immediate families at 8 weeks but we waited to tell coworkers, facebook etc until 20 weeks! I was already showing so word was getting ready I just didn't feel like sharing so publicly.

Tell on your own terms.. don't let family pressure you

hopeby2015 · October 2014

My mother wanted to tell the world when we heard the hb. I wanted to wait until it was obvious that I was pg (like about to have the baby any day). My mom made it to 14 weeks and then told everyone and I guess I was okay with it b c mostly, I didn't wanna tell people. It still didn't seem real to me (some days, it still doesn't). We did tell immediate family right away and held off on close friends until about 16 weeks. And even then, it was only because we didn't want our close friends hearing it from others.

What your feeling is totally normal. Unfortunately, it's just another IF side effect.

ETA: the obvious part

sweetpotato123 · October 2014

We let close friends and family know after seeing the heartbeats. We have never gotten this far before and want to celebrate.

We realize there is a loooooong way to go, but like @IFinTN‌, IF takes away so much, so we celebrate when we can.

Now, I am still scared shitless every day (so much I thought ab calling to get another us next week), but we have a great support system and know we can lean on many if needed.

It is really personal and I don't know if I will ever not worry about carrying them until they are born healthy. Then a whole new set of worried begin

[Deleted User] · October 2014

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xc1148 · October 2014

Every time I said something I thought I was jinxing myself...it was so different than how I had imagined it. I really didn't get comfortable until about 18 weeks.

It's such a personal decision, do what you feel is best. I will note that one of the benefits of telling people now is that you will get so many well wishes and positivity. Telling people almost makes it more real, if that makes sense.

southernyankeegirl · October 2014

I was really apprehensive about sharing on Facebook but I realized I was not celebrating my pregnancy like I should, the fear had stolen that. So I bit the bullet and announced around 12w.

As I was reading aloud the status message I was about to post to DH to check it by him, I started ugly sobbing and my knees went weak. So DH held me as I choked out sobs on our kitchen floor. It was one of those moments of realizing truly: "Holy crap, we did it, didn't we? We've been through the trenches, it really did suck, and we somehow made it out in one piece, and we're finally getting what we wanted - a baby."

It was cathartic, telling everyone, and helped me start celebrating this pregnancy rather than fearing having to start all over again.

Pintobean39 · October 2014

I think I'm just going to let ppl think I'm getting fat. Right now my close friends and family know and I don't care to tell anyone else. I may change my mind after I get past my loss milestones but I doubt it.

Regan1976 · October 2014

We still haven't even told our mothers. Mine because she can't keep her mouth shut and his because she has openly stated that she didn't want grandchildren. We went through such a long hard process to get here and we (probably mostly me) are still petrified to tell anyone. So much opposition to us using fertility treatments that it ended up tanking a GoFundMe project and all the emotional turmoil that still hasn't been dealt with because I wanted to scream and shout about being anonymously told that what we were doing was hurtful to a stranger. I want to take the opportunity to say BITE ME so bad, but don't want to invite karma to bite back. We've at least agreed to keep quiet until week 12. But he doesn't know that the Office Mom knows and a coworker who heard me booking as u/s knows.

turquoisequeen · October 2014

Just wanted to say congrats on your scan!!

I am very scared of telling people. So far only the 5 people that knew we were doing IVF know (3 friends and a sibling + spouse) We hope to tell our parents in a couple of weeks but beyond that I'm just not sure. I'd like to wait until at least after first tri.

[Deleted User] · October 2014

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MissEm15 · October 2014

I was so nervous to tell people & to even talk about it w/ our immediate family who knew. I'm still nervous to be honest. However, like PPs have said.. telling people brought on so much joy. It's joy we deserve. We told friends and extended family at 12w. I still have not announced on FB although pictures aren't hiding it all. Enjoy this time in your life!!

kmc84 · October 2014

We told family at 10 weeks with dd. I was sick over telling that early. This time we told family at 14 weeks and part of my wanted to wait longer.

Our very close friends have known everything. We needed a few people to talk to and for support and the two couples who knew can keep secrets

The nerves never went away once we told people! They got a little better after v day.

pblge · October 2014

This is very helpful! It sounds like lots of people here just had to bite the bullet, swallow the anxiety, and spill the beans (mixing metaphors = FUN!). I talked to the director of the program in which I teach today, and she pointed out that the doc student who will be taking over my classes when I "step out" mid-April will be listed when registration starts ... in about two weeks. So everyone in my classes is going to be asking why they have two instructors in the spring. I was planning on doing what @pintobean39 said, letting my students think I was getting fat and seeing how long it took for someone to ask me. I also realized that I'm having a bunch of work people over to my house on the 25th, and it would be weird to lie about not drinking, only to tell them the truth a week or two later.

Sigh. Perhaps, as so many of you said, this will be joyous and celebratory.

lincoln79 · October 2014

to deal with the anxiety, we told in stages. People really close right away, extended family at 14 w, Facebook after anatomy scan etc.

mindaa · October 2014

Haven't told anyone and I'm dreading it! But for lots of weird reasons. First, I just don't like attention and being fussed over. And I don't deal well with inappropriate comments/questions.

My closest girlfriends right now are mostly CFNBC, so I know this PG is going to create a different dynamic there, and possibly be a big life transition. (although they'll be happy, no worries there)

I have a somewhat awkward relationship with my mom. I predict she's going to ask a lot of questions and want to make plans to come help out, which I'm nowhere near ready to talk about I'm afraid in my crazy emotional state, I'm either going to cry or bite her head off.

I work with the most wonderful group of ladies who I know will be an amazing support but they are fertiles who were young moms/grandmas. My long TTC journey has caused me to withdraw and distance myself (kind of an introvert, so that's how I process). The extra attention and questions is going to be an adjustment.

Strange, but IL's are the only one's I'm actually excited about telling, and they will probably be the last.

Phew, big ramble! I know once I start saying it out loud and let others start sharing our excitement, it will get better. Baby steps

Ecarabeo217 · October 2014

Congrats on the great scan! I broke the news to very select people early. My BFF (and ob) found out with the positive home test, but she knew about our IVF so was expecting me to know at that time. My parents and family didn't know until ten weeks when the dust started to settle with my vanishing twin. Told a handful of close friends around 12-14 weeks and didn't "come out" to my office or the hospital folks until 20 weeks. Now that it's become public knowledge, I've experienced such an outpouring of love and well wishes and support for me that it's overwhelming! It has definitely been nice to be able to talk about it freely and celebrate I agree with the fact that IF robs is of so much...even the ability to enjoy this and celebrate it for fear of the worst at every turn. I think you have to feel it out and do it when it feels right to you.
I had a similar breakdown as @southernyankeegirl‌ but was all by myself at home when it just all hit me that we were actually pregnant with a healthy baby. Today was the first time that people being happy for me put me over the edge and made me cry. It's a relief when all is said and done :-)

KT416 · October 2014

I still haven't told all my friends yet and I kind of feel bad, but I just haven't felt like it. I told a few friends and I feel like they were surprised that I was so far along, especially since a friend that is two weeks behind me told everyone at 8 weeks. I'm pretty sure all my family knows since my mom is so excited and told everyone.

Still not sure when we will share the news on FB, probably sometime after the A/S. I'm hoping that I'll be more excited to share once I know the sex.

Neesey · October 2014

I'm so glad your scan went well. It's so nice to hit those milestones and be able to breathe a little easier.
I was excited to announce at a big 1940's party my parents hosted. I was 13 weeks and had gotten great test results back. When it actually came time to announce (my dad made a really cute speech) I struggled. I normally have no problem being in front of a crowd but I found myself standing halfway behind DH. I had a little bit of panic still clinging to me after our previous losses. It took me about a week after that to he really ok with it. Taking the leap and making it public was a big dose of reality. I'm so glad we did it now but at the time I was a ball of nerves. Good luck with what you decide!

jamielynn53 · October 2014

All of our immediate family, close friends and jobs know. We are going to share on FB at 14 weeks. We have a big extended family and it will honestly make it easier. I feel like I am scared to hear some of the nice things people have to say. I don't want to be a blubbering mess every time someone says something nice, so it will be easy to hide behind a computer. We have been pretty open with our journey, and I feel like if something was to happen I would be open about that too.

Sometimes, I feel something is wrong with me for not being so incredibly private. I don't post a ton or overshare on Facebook, but I am very open with our journey. Some of the women who opened up to me were a huge support. So I hope I can be that for someone.

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Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

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Want a personalized experience?

Are or were you scared to share the news?

Re: Are or were you scared to share the news?

Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motilityIUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFNIVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

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Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!