am I over reacting? NBR

munchiemama104 · October 2014

I'll start at the beginning. In May I had found out my husband was having late night phone calls with a client. He swears that she would just bitch about her life and he found it amusing. I was pissed because he would say he was going to 7-11 and then sit in his car talking to her while I was sleeping in the house. I told him that I really didn't like it, I don't care how friendly they are, you don't talk to other women, in secret, when you are married and expecting your second child. From what I understood, he cut off communication to her.

Fast forward to this morning, I checked his phone because I still don't trust him 100% and found text messages from her. Almost ever morning there was one saying "Morning" "i miss you" one said "i miss us"( he swears that it was meant to say I miss you's) One of them he responded "good morning to you beautiful" She is a client of his and he is bringing the national sales manager to her shop tomorrow. So one of the text is "morning" his response "Thursday ;-)" she says "can't wait!!!!!!!" I also know that he deleted some of the convo because of the lapse in time and the response from one to the other.

He says I"m overreacting. That calling a friend beautiful is the same as calling them hun or sweetie. I really want to message this chick and ask her to stop talking to him unless it's business related, but I'm not sure how I would come off if I did that. All I know is none of my friends text me early to say good morning and tell me them miss me. (Especially not another man!)

What do you think? Am I being BSC or is this a legit thing to be upset about??

ohioloveyou · October 2014

I would be legit upset. You are definitely not crazy. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this right now.

[Deleted User] · October 2014

Yep, I would be upset. You are not overreacting at all and I hate that this is happening for you right now. I'm sorry.

italiangal1033 · October 2014

Not overreacting at all! I would be furious. How childish of him, especially at a time like this! Best wishes to you.

munchiemama104 · October 2014

Thank you all for your support and responses. We have talked about going to counseling, but he can never find the "right time" to schedule. It stinks because I'm two weeks away from delivery and want to just leave him. I want to tell this other chick if she wants his fat, bald, alittle below average sized penis ass, she can have him.

We have been together for 10 years though and have a ton of history.

At least I feel a little less crazy. It broke my heart to read that stuff and he was making it seem like it was my fault for reading it and I was looking into it too much.

Roseypants · October 2014

Wow, definitely not overreacting. He's obviously lying about things if he feels the need to delete convo history between the two of them. Seems kind of shady to me! Good luck to you!!!!!

angeltennis3 · October 2014

That is definitely unacceptable behavior. My husband is still good friends with several women he has known for years. He texts them and meets them for lunch occasionally, and I am 100% confident in our marriage and trust him completely in these interactions. However he would never send text messages or have secretive conversations that could be misconstrued to mean anything inappropriate for our marriage.

This is definitely something you have every right to be concerned about.

Dani0329 · October 2014

So sorry. Just wanted to echo PP, that it is not okay.

Nichole7041 · October 2014

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I honestly hope he gets his act together and y'all can work things out. what he's doing is NOT ok and is definitely not your fault. You are not overreacting and this is the last thing you need to be dealing with.

munchiemama104 · October 2014

Do I message this woman explaining to her that it makes me uncomfortable and would like her to stop the messages or do I hope that he does it?

BeckyMont · October 2014

Wow I'm really sorry you are going through this! I would lose it if it was me. I would tell him to cut off all communication to her beside when they are at work. I Hippie everything works out. I'll be thinking of you

MrsL2B · October 2014

So sorry you have to deal with this! I wouldn't suggest contacting her directly. I think that might open the door to more unpleasantness. Your husband needs to be the one who makes the communications stop.

Nichole7041 · October 2014

If your husband had you believe he stopped talking to her and then you found text messages... I don't think he's going to do anything about it. As for if you want to communicate to the other woman that has to be up to you.

If you decide to, I wouldn't make it mean. Just be clear you're uncomfortable w it.

cshade07 · October 2014

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. That's not right at all. Don't let him make you feel bad & like you are doing something wrong - you aren't. I hope it all works out!

savicke2009 · October 2014

Definitely not over reacting... hes just trying to push it off on you.. im so sorry you're having to go through this so close to delivery and at all..

id be pissed and you have every right to be as well..

[Deleted User] · October 2014

Oh wow, this sucks so much. I'm sorry you're going through this. I do agree with the PP's who say confronting the woman might make this worse. Keep in mind that the "other woman" in these situations often don't feel too guilty or like they owe the wife anything. This needs to be worked out/addressed with your husband. Hopefully he starts taking you seriously before it's too late for him.

Liss1481 · October 2014

I'm sorry you're dealing with this, especially now. You're definitely not overreacting, and it sucks that he's trying to push it off onto you.

munchiemama104 · October 2014

Thank you all again for the responses. I am definitely upset, but when I have him telling me that I'm wrong for looking at his phone and making a big deal over nothing/ looking for something to be pissed at him about I feel like I'm wrong to be upset. I really do appreciate the support.

BreandMikewedding · October 2014

Oh. Hell no! This is not appropriate! Is this on a separate work phone or does he use his personal phone for work and personal? I have guy friends and wouldn't call them even hun let alone handsome or sexy which is the same as calling a woman beautiful. I think you need to start counseling right away if you want to continue your marriage. I'm so sorry!

imagine7696030614 · October 2014

You're not wrong that's him just being defensive and trying to put it on you. You shouldn't have to be dealing with this when you're about to have his baby, you shouldn't have to deal with it at all. It's tough though, it's not like you can just leave. I'd maybe give him an ultimatum to go to counseling? He needs to step up and do something because that behavior is inappropriate. Good luck!

munchiemama104 · October 2014

@Breandmikewedding It is his personal phone, which is paid for by work, so it is both I guess.

Littledeer84 · October 2014

munchiemama104 said:
Thank you all again for the responses. I am definitely upset, but when I have him telling me that I'm wrong for looking at his phone and making a big deal over nothing/ looking for something to be pissed at him about I feel like I'm wrong to be upset. I really do appreciate the support.

He is in the wrong. Don't let him manipulate you into feeling guilty. His relationship with her is inappropriate. I'm sorry you have to deal with this at all.

pnwlover12 · October 2014

I haven't read through all the responses yet, but I think he is 100% in the wrong here. There is absolutely no justification for this, whatsoever.

caranichole · October 2014

Sent you a a PM @munchiemama104

BreandMikewedding · October 2014

Do any other clients contact him on his personal phone or only her? Contacting her isn't going to stop anything. He needs to stop this inappropriate behavior.

My dh had a friend when we were dating who I just had a gut feeling had feelings for my dh. He insisted there was nothing there. After we got engaged she was really weird and would want to see him without me around. I told my dh how uncomfortable it made me and he stopped talking to her. You have to have respect for your spouse or partner and if your relationship with someone else makes them uncomfortable then you need to change it. I say insist on counseling immediately and if he is not willing then you need to evaluate your relationship.

MrsSarahRenee · October 2014

Nope. Not acceptable.
I think it is a problem between you and your H though and I wouldn't message the other woman. He sent her good morning, beautiful. It isn't like she is coming after him and he is avoiding it - it seems mutual.

I am so so sorry. I would definitely make this a big conversation with DH that ends with counseling that he needs to make fit in his schedule.

MuffinMom14 · October 2014

You contacting her could cost him his job. Just throwing that in the ring.

I do not have anything good to say about your husband. I'm truly sorry.

MollyC20 · October 2014

munchiemama104 said:
Thank you all again for the responses. I am definitely upset, but when I have him telling me that I'm wrong for looking at his phone and making a big deal over nothing/ looking for something to be pissed at him about I feel like I'm wrong to be upset. I really do appreciate the support.

Him trying to make it sound like you're in the wrong just goes to show he also knows he's in the wrong and is trying to divert the blame/guilt any way he can.

I'm really sorry that is such a tough situation. Especially since it doesn't seem like he thinks he's doing anything wrong (RED FLAG)

I'd seek counseling ASAP since LO is almost here, and figure out from there what's best for you and LO (stay or go).

suncake · October 2014

O my. I'm sorry your dealing with this pregnant. And I would be super upset. I would have all ready called her. Cheating is more then physical. I feel that emotional cheating is sometimes worse. And that's what sounds like is happening. I hope yall work every thing out. Good luck with baby.

BreandMikewedding · October 2014

I consulted my dh because he has a penis and therefore thinks different than us. He agreed that your dh is in the wrong. He said it isn't clear cut cheating and that depending on his profession sometimes men will flirt with their female clients but he said they aren't married men. He said that the content of their conversations is inappropriate given the fact he is married and the fact he told you he had stopped talking to her.

jenndub · October 2014

Don't contact her. She clearly doesn't care about you and it won't help anything. She doesn't owe you anything and she will just be pissed.

Your DH is the only person you need to deal with here. He's being super shady and hurtful and this is complete BS. The father of my two older kids would always do stuff like this. And then he'd make me feel bad for "over reacting and not trusting him." That mofo was cheating on me the whole damn time. And I'd be apologizing for being so suspicious. Hopefully, your DH isn't physically cheating on you, but emotional cheating is still wrong. Best of luck with everything.

trisharenee0316 · October 2014

Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. He is 100% WRONG. And even he knows it's wrong because he tried to give you the impression that he stopped talking to her, which clearly didn't happen--why lie if you think you're in the right?

I also consulted my husband and he said he thought it was "creepy" and "inappropriate." There are female friends of ours he does call beautiful, but it's never, ever a situation like this where I'm uncomfortable with it. It's literally like, one of his oldest friends (been friends for 30 years), and a married lesbian couple that are friends of ours.

I wouldn't bother contacting her because she will not respond in an appropriate way. Just as he knows he's in the wrong, so does she. I do believe that we all owe each other some respect and even though your husband has the main duty to you, she also should take responsibility. But that said, it won't happen. He needs to cut off communication with her altogether. Is that even possible though since she's a client?

angelle530 · October 2014

NOT ACCEPTABLE. You are 100% right for being upset. It is definitely inappropriate conversations-and in no business relationship should this occur, nor should he be referring to her as beautiful or say "I miss you." You should investigate further, and if you feel that you should say something, speak to your DH and get it all out in the open. You are his wife.

Want a personalized experience?

am I over reacting? NBR

Re: am I over reacting? NBR

Choose Another Board

Search Boards